NSFW Anyone else a virgin?

[TrappedGnostic]

I'm incredibly embarrassed that as a 29 gay man I'm still a virgin. I consider it a massive mark of failure. I'm thinking of hiring an escort, someone who would probably be kinder to virgins/non experienced men so that I can get over this insecurity of mine. It's the root of many of my insecurities about my body, my behaviour etc.

 

[SchizoGymnast]

I'm a virgin and am very happy about it. See it as a sign that you have standards. Granted I'm 35 and female.

 

[Average Joe]

The whole virginity thing only has value if you give it value. To some, it's priceless whereas to others it's nothing to think about.
Don't be so hard on yourself, and don't do it with an escort. I mean you can if you want but I don't think it would be a nice story to talk about.

Being a virgin at your age may be uncommon but it's not a bad thing, in fact a lot of people see that as a positive 'bonus' when dating and all that.

I wish I could help change your mind and I'm sorry you see and feel it in such a negative way brother

 

[maplefig]

Yes, I am.

 

[before20]

I'm a virgin, too. I could probably un-become one but my past experiences with hookups (didn't go all the way, obviously) have deterred me somewhat. It really sucks to do it with someone random IMO.

I definitely don't think it's embarrassing to still be one, at any age. Plus 29 is super young, even if you might not think it. You're not even 1/3 of the way through your lifespan.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

I'm a virgin...sorta...kinda, does a blowjob I did on a random count?

When I was younger, I was like "Oh no, I have to have sex to get this medal of dishonor off me!". Nowadays? Meh, wanna fuck? Maybe play smash bros?

 

[gonesoon!]

Yes I'm 24 and a virgin. Honestly its not about sex for me in any way anymore. Just the idea of sex makes me very uncomfortable. I just want a connection with someone. I just want a hug. I hate the term "incel" because would most people would look at my situation on paper and label me that. But I dont hate anyone but myself. Its a problem.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

Yes I'm 24 and a virgin. Honestly its not about sex for me in any way anymore. Just the idea of sex makes me very uncomfortable. I just want a connection with someone. I just want a hug. I hate the term "incel" because would most people would look at my situation on paper and label me that. But I dont hate anyone but myself. Its a problem.

I think every first time is going to be awkward. I think sex is more about giving yourself to desire and letting go your inhibitions, which would be difficult if it wasn't for literal chemicals in our brain pushing us.

Then again, i'm a virgin, so take what I say with a gigaton of salt

 

[lemonandcapers]

I am 20, female, and I am a virgin. I haven't been in a relationship, kissed, or held hands with anyone.
I understand why you would be insecure about it when society pushes people to have sex and what not. You're not a moral failure for being a virgin.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

I am 20, female, and I am a virgin. I haven't been in a relationship, kissed, or held hands with anyone.
I understand why you would be insecure about it when society pushes people to have sex and what not. You're not a moral failure for being a virgin.

Yes of course. I'm a virgin and I want to have sex, not because society pushes to me, but because I'm curious and I want to share the pleasure.

 

[lemonandcapers]

Yes of course. I'm a virgin and I want to have sex, not because society pushes to me, but because I'm curious and I want to share the pleasure.

Oh sorry, I meant to respond to the original poster

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

Oh sorry, I meant to respond to the original poster

I know but I wanted to answer too.

 

[Interdegenerate]

Yes, but I think it's pathetic for myself to care, so I don't really care (honest, not a cope). This is nothing against women and that's not what I'm trying to say, but the thought of caring about virginity is akin to worshipping a deity that doesn't deserve it. I have dignity and am not desperate to experience something with someone who I don't even respect.

 

[psp3000]

If it makes you feel any better all the virgins survive in the horror/slasher films

I am a virgin for many reasons: growing up with abstince only sex ed., a fear of STDs, a suspected health condition, prudish tendencies/a lot of awkwardness and sometimes repulsion towards it at times which confuses people, I attract strange people

 

[Chanting dread]

I'm incredibly embarrassed that as a 29 gay man I'm still a virgin. I consider it a massive mark of failure. I'm thinking of hiring an escort, someone who would probably be kinder to virgins/non experienced men so that I can get over this insecurity of mine. It's the root of many of my insecurities about my body, my behaviour etc.

I get the failure part, at least in my experience its not specifically about sex its more just ive been so completely incompetent ive failed to make any meaningful connections with anyone that in turn would lead to intimacy.
I have failed entirely to connect with anyone, even friends i feel more like a shell than an actual person talking to them.

 

[TrappedGnostic]

I get the failure part, at least in my experience its not specifically about sex its more just ive been so completely incompetent ive failed to make any meaningful connections with anyone that in turn would lead to intimacy.
I have failed entirely to connect with anyone, even friends i feel more like a shell than an actual person talking to them.

Exactly, thank you. Due to my manifold social difficulties starting as a child I feel like an ersatz human, basically like an alien anthropologist.

 

[FoxSauce]

Female, 21 virgin. The idea of sex scares the hell out of me so yeah. Also the idea if I do ill become impure or used goods. Oh yeah don't forget the fear or intimacy.


Maybe I will later. Idk why society gives to much shame to people that aren't virgins. Feels like winning an Xbox achievement than anything maybe.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

Feels like winning an Xbox achievement than anything maybe.

Hey now, don't go dissin' my achievements like that! I got more than 15,000 gamer points!

 

[Aloneandinpain]

The whole virginity thing only has value if you give it value. To some, it's priceless whereas to others it's nothing to think about.

That's complete bullshit.

If I've never experienced love, romance, sex then clearly I've messed up somewhere and/or there's something wrong with me.

Worse still, the odds are completely against me ever experiencing these things, so I'm going to have an entire lifetime of pain and loneliness and just waking up every day realising the one thing I want from life is never going to happen. And I think we all know what the logical way out of this situation is..

 

[FoxSauce]

That's complete bullshit.

If I've never experienced love, romance, sex then clearly I've messed up somewhere and/or there's something wrong with me.

Worse still, the odds are completely against me ever experiencing these things, so I'm going to have an entire lifetime of pain and loneliness and just waking up every day realising the one thing I want from life is never going to happen. And I think we all know what the logical way out of this situation is..

what makes you say that?

 

[GhostInTheMachine]

31 MTF, I've had sex as the giver, but not the receiver. I didn't find much pleasure in the sex that I did have, but it's likely because I didn't have much love behind it. I consider myself a virgin still because I've yet to have the sex I do want. Although I'll likely have intimacy issues because of my dysphoria.

 

[endlessmelancholy]

32 m Virgin here. Not gonna let some where take away my virginity lol

 

[Sergeant45]

Present. Female, don't think I will live to see it.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

That's complete bullshit.

If I've never experienced love, romance, sex then clearly I've messed up somewhere and/or there's something wrong with me.

Worse still, the odds are completely against me ever experiencing these things, so I'm going to have an entire lifetime of pain and loneliness and just waking up every day realising the one thing I want from life is never going to happen. And I think we all know what the logical way out of this situation is..

I see why you think that way, and honestly, virginity is valued in a large part of society, but there are always groups, places and cultures where it is not as valued, sometimes even less valued than having sex experience. It seems you've got the short end of the stick by being in a place/culture/group where people value it a lot, and as such they instilled that value unto you, which honestly is a bitch to get out once it gets in.

And yes, you'll always encounter those that will see your virginity in different ways, both as a good thing and as a bad thing. The ratio depends on what I said above, but there's always those who go against the flow.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

I see why you think that way, and honestly, virginity is valued in a large part of society, but there are always groups, places and cultures where it is not as valued, sometimes even less valued than having sex experience. It seems you've got the short end of the stick by being in a place/culture/group where people value it a lot, and as such they instilled that value unto you, which honestly is a bitch to get out once it gets in.

And yes, you'll always encounter those that will see your virginity in different ways, both as a good thing and as a bad thing. The ratio depends on what I said above, but there's always those who go against the flow.

I'm not necessarily saying virginity itself is a bad thing, it's everything else that typically accompanies it, especially for men. Loneliness, social awkwardness, touch starvation, rejection, being behind everyone else and being invisible. And then that all leads to low self esteem, self hatred, depression, hopelessness

 

[niceday]

I'm 24, female, and I feel like I take this way more lightly than the people who are actually having it. I once had this comedic dialogue with a guy who was like, "I'll be gentle. We'll do everything right. Just trust me," and I was like, "Let's just do it!!!!"
In the end, we broke up because a person who's never known love (obviously, it's me!!) can't tell a diamond from a shiny rock. I just have a talent for falling for and attracting wrong people.

There's this pressure when you talk to people who've had it. Like, they tell you things, and you just feel awkward because you've never experienced it yourself. I don't know. I just nod, furrowing my brows like I understand. Haha.
Yeah, it's really embarrassing to admit.

P.S. By diamonds, I just mean good, kind people.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

I'm not necessarily saying virginity itself is a bad thing, it's everything else that typically accompanies it, especially for men. Loneliness, social awkwardness, touch starvation, rejection, being behind everyone else and being invisible. And then that all leads to low self esteem, self hatred, depression, hopelessness

Yes, I do understand all the stigma, both for men and women, but the stigma exists because people put importance on virginity itself. As I said, groups/cultures/places where there is little importance placed on virginity will likewise have little stigma about it.

Lack of experience can lead to awkward moments, yes, but one can't learn without trying, and that's why virginity shouldn't be seen as something important overall, because more people would get sex experiences if the stigma wasn't so crushing, and with experience comes understanding.

All in all, it is something dependent on groups/cultures/places, and we can't really change much of that, besides being more lenient ourselves towards others, and towards ourselves. Perhaps that way one can attract people that think the same way.

 

[5_5]

im turning 20 this year and im still a virgin. i get it. sex is scary. my evil and miscvhevious plan was to somehow get a significant other and then get comfortable enough to do it with them. but that will hardly happen anytime soon

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Magical powers at 30, right? Just a few more years to go.

 

[orcapythia]

I'm asexual from early antidepressant usage but being a virgin still bothers me as it makes me feel further away from average people. Sometimes I feel it makes me better than others.