Venting Anyone dealing with intrusive thoughts?

[StateOfMind]

Not quite sure how to explain this.

It seems my mind is experiencing a constant rush of unsolicited thoughts.
Flashbacks, memories, snippets of dreams and random thoughts constantly intrude my consciousness and debilitate my cognitve fucntions.
My dreams tend to be mostly positive, vivid and feel very realistic.
I'm guessing my subconscious is compensation for the reality of hell that I wake up to every morning.
Every time I wake up its like "ah bummer my life is a nightmare and I'm still alive".
It takes me about four hours after initially waking up to finally make it out of bed.
Its like my mind is in constant overdrive.
Its difficult to focus on anything.

My official diagnosis is schizophrenia and bipolar.
I don't think this is true since I dont exhibet any of those symptons, it feels more like PTSD and depression due to multiple massive trauma I have experienced over the last four years.

I self medicate with alcohol, cigarettes and I don't take any medication.
Ive considered meditation again but that just makes want to sleep.
In terms of physical health I'm not really able to exercise.
Even basic things like taking a run is not possible anymore. (Very humiliating for someone who used to be extremely athletic)
All I do is walk or ride with the bike to the shops the rest of the time I just sit in front of the PC or TV. (This can't be good)
Last time I went for a short run I almost passed out.

Hopefully I will be gone soon.

 

[Good4Nothing]

My intrusive thoughts are angry and violent. They're all about the little bitch that tried to destroy me. Why can't I just let it go? I don't want these thoughts - they just come whenever my mind is unoccupied.

 

[Spitfire]

Why do you not run more? Running would take time to build strength. Did you used to run?

Bipolar and Schizophrenia disorders are both newly diagnosed diseases for you in the past few weeks, or months?

I always wonder how a schizophrenia diagnosis is derived for a person?

Intrusive thoughts come and go for me. There have been times when they were out of control. Maybe I am deluding myself in saying, I seem to have control of them for the time being right now.

Intrusive conflict causing thoughts kind of went away on the whole for me. I have flashbacks of them come and go now, but not all of the time.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm experiencing exactly the same.
My mind is full of thoughts (plenty of them are negative) and prevents me from waking up fast and start to be active.
It takes me about 4 hours to be in a "normal status" too and that's when I try to enjoy the day by doing things I like.
However, I can afford this kind of life thanks to my parents because I suck so much that I've become a NEET.

 

[Xocoyotziin]

I wish mine were about fond memories and parts of pleasant dreams. Instead they're a running monologue of self-directed insults, and sometimes I can't help but say them out loud, and nonsense "trash thoughts" that have no bearing on anything, barely relate even to each other and only block out what I'm trying to think about.

 

[Antigonish]

My whole reason for wanting to ctb

 

[Lost in a Dream]

My intrusive thoughts are angry and violent. They're all about the little bitch that tried to destroy me. Why can't I just let it go? I don't want these thoughts - they just come whenever my mind is unoccupied.

I wish mine were about fond memories and parts of pleasant dreams. Instead they're a running monologue of self-directed insults, and sometimes I can't help but say them out loud, and nonsense "trash thoughts" that have no bearing on anything, barely relate even to each other and only block out what I'm trying to think about.

I can relate to both of you. I've had intrusive thoughts for a long time and it's a combination of these things. They go back and forth between the violent and angry ones that are about people that have wronged me, whether they meant to do it or not and then they shift back towards me blaming myself. During some of those instances, I was at least partially to blame or if they hurt me unintentionally, I realize all over again that the intense anger towards them is unwarranted and it makes me hate myself more.

It seems like this problem keeps getting worse and the only solution I can think of is to die.

 

[Stick]

My dreams and imagination have always been really vivid, too. I like to pretend they are my real life, and that I just need to get through my day to get back to it.
Most of my intrusive thoughts are around doing something violent to others. Logically, I know I'm not just going to accidentally become a serial killer or something, but it still bothers me. And then my thoughts spin it onto myself as punishment for thinking something so awful... It's so hard to try and distract myself from it.
Your situation sounds really tough, I hope you can manage to power through today.

 

[Xocoyotziin]

@Lost in a Dream
I feel like it creates a feedback loop somehow. So they keep popping up and getting stronger. This isn't anything near a professional opinion and obviously I haven't solved my own problem with them either, but I think the most accessible solution is to somehow break the cycle, cognitively I mean. Introduce a new thought into the equation that's strong enough to redirect what you're thinking so it stops repeating on itself. Which can be really fucking hard when these thoughts take over and define your reality.

Of course I respect the right to ctb any under circumstances, and I don't mean to downplay that, but it would just really suck to die when there was a truer answer all along that never got heard. Sorry, I'm going through my own psychodrama when I type this so shit that may not apply please disregard.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

Introduce a new thought into the equation that's strong enough to redirect what you're thinking so it stops repeating on itself. Which can be really fucking hard when these thoughts take over and define your reality.

I appreciate the suggestion but the intrusive thoughts are just one of the many problems I have and I don't have any positive thoughts to include in it, with the exception of suicide. If it was my only problem then your suggestion would work but it isn't.

 

[Xocoyotziin]

I appreciate the suggestion but the intrusive thoughts are just one of the many problems I have and I don't have any positive thoughts to include in it, with the exception of suicide. If it was my only problem then your suggestion would work but it isn't.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be patronizing. I was more thinking out loud as I usually do.

 

[Deleted member 94]

Can you try mindfulness, recognise the thought but don't let it own you then it loses its power over you, recognise that they are just thoughts and thoughts never hurt anybody. But if you have schizophrenia then you probably can't tell between reality and unreality so it may not work but I've read about religiosity sufferer breaking free with mindfulness so it may work for you.

 

[StateOfMind]

Can you try mindfulness, recognise the thought but don't let it own you then it loses its power over you, recognise that they are just thoughts and thoughts never hurt anybody. But if you have schizophrenia then you probably can't tell between reality and unreality so it may not work but I've read about religiosity sufferer breaking free with mindfulness so it may work for you.

Pretty sure I'm not schizo. I attempt at including small chunks of "mindfulness" every day. Breathing, focusing etc.. but those are only temporary counter measures.

 

[MariV]

yes...i get them when falling asleep. absurd thoughts appearing randomly without any connection.

 

[ZardozOmega]

I go through something similar
I keep remembering horrible things I've done, and I get these really nasty ticks. It's annoying, debilitating but also entirely deserved

 

[andy69]

I think about all the betrayals I have been through all my life.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be patronizing. I was more thinking out loud as I usually do.

I knew you were only trying to be helpful, so it's okay. The issue is that I'm probably beyond helping, to be honest.

 

[StateOfMind]

I go through something similar
I keep remembering horrible things I've done, and I get these really nasty ticks. It's annoying, debilitating but also entirely deserved

Don't be too hard on yourself. We are only human.