Help anyone deal with romantic heartbreak?

[mittymittens]

love / romantic heartbreak to be specific.
when things blew over / didn't work out or maybe you saw an ex with someone else or whatever comes to mind, did it hit you quickly like crying a bunch ? or did it come in waves ? like was it a constant ache / depression until it got better

i need advice or at least maybe validation for what im feeling is normal? or if im numb , (vague but) i saw something that really hurt me initially aka seeing them with someone new (and that new person has a LOT of similarities in terms of physique, look and height, and i know it's not really just a type bcus he never been with anyone else), but i reacted much better than i thought i would if this time ever came. like i cried for a bit and then started cycling through relief and feeling freed and having closure and then feeling a deep ache and now the ache still exists and it's not like i'm distracting from what i saw bcus im still thinking of it and it's been a few hours and the more time passes the less it hurts and less i care and the more i feel like i can finally move on from this person i was thinking alot about. im surprised im reacting this way bcus i have been obsessing over the idea of him for quite some time. but its also been less than a day and i found the heartbreaking info a few hours ago. i know im not completely over him given im writing. but i genuinely thought i would cried the entire day and would felt depressed. i even found myself vibing to happy music maybe an hour or so after i was laying in my bed feeling this ache i never rly felt before and listening to sad music.

this person i am sad for wasn't exactly the best person and he had manipulative and toxic tendencies (which i know hasn't gone away) but things ended very abruptly with no closure which stunted my detachment. but i still felt a lot for him as i knew him when i was a child.

i do have alexithymia (part of why im asking) but i strongly suspect i also have some mood disorder like bpd or bipolar so i know typically id feel much deeper much faster and instantly.

essentially: is my reaction a good sign or is the worse yet to come

 

[alwayspissedoff]

sorry you went through this. I think it varies a lot depending on the person, but at least in my case, when I reacted like you on, well yeah a heartbreak, it was more a coping mechanism than anything. I suppose one expects to feel the worst because of the situation, so we try to act on the complete opposite side. why? maybe to try to trick ourselves into not feeling the situation as bad, or to think we're stronger than we are, or I really don't know, I'm not a psychologist lol.
I guess just try to do stuff that makes you feel good, but if you really feel bad about it or like your keeping everything inside, just let it out without shame in any way you want.

 

[mittymittens]

sorry you went through this. I think it varies a lot depending on the person, but at least in my case, when I reacted like you on, well yeah a heartbreak, it was more a coping mechanism than anything. I suppose one expects to feel the worst because of the situation, so we try to act on the complete opposite side. why? maybe to try to trick ourselves into not feeling the situation as bad, or to think we're stronger than we are, or I really don't know, I'm not a psychologist lol.
I guess just try to do stuff that makes you feel good, but if you really feel bad about it or like your keeping everything inside, just let it out without shame in any way you want.

thanks for the input, that certainly does seem possible in my case. i did wake up today feeling that same ache, but it keeps cycling through feeling a bit worse and a bit better. also i love your ralsei pfp, chapter 4 was the best.

 

[meiherasayuri]

Something similar happened to me, but I still haven't gotten over it. I hope you get over it too.

 

[Lady_V]

What you're feeling is valid. There's no one way to handle a breakup.

I go back and forth on how I feel from my last breakup. At first I cried until my face swelled up, then an overwhelming sense of relief washed over me. He wasn't treating me well, he didn't put effort into me, he was a huge liar, and he was never a safe person to confide in. My nervous system knew I was safer away from him.
Sadly, a week later I became so severely depressed over it all. Like damn, how am I hung up on someone who treated me that way? I have such complicated feelings about it all, it's really destroying me mentally.

I really hope you can pick things up and move on quickly <3 torturing yourself over people like them is hell.

 

[mittymittens]

What you're feeling is valid. There's no one way to handle a breakup.

I go back and forth on how I feel from my last breakup. At first I cried until my face swelled up, then an overwhelming sense of relief washed over me. He wasn't treating me well, he didn't put effort into me, he was a huge liar, and he was never a safe person to confide in. My nervous system knew I was safer away from him.
Sadly, a week later I became so severely depressed over it all. Like damn, how am I hung up on someone who treated me that way? I have such complicated feelings about it all, it's really destroying me mentally.

I really hope you can pick things up and move on quickly <3 torturing yourself over people like them is hell.

honestly i'm not depressed over it anymore i don't think, i haven't cried over it in a few days and i deleted instagram, although i did install it again today briefly for proper confirmation and yeah she does look like me . like scarily familar and he never committed to anyone else and he could've dated more attractive girls but did not. so now i'm like idk what it means. i agree it is hell, i hope you were able to detach, i think i am starting to but i still keep overthinking it because his type was not people who looked like me before his crushes were very extremely conventionally attractive.