Anyone 35 and over?

[milkginger]

Hi, I'm 37 years old and I also feel a little "old" here. I am from Brazil and I also have my share of privileges, I studied in the best schools, and in the face of all the misery that the third world provides, I was not part of them. But anyway... im here

 

[CrazyHorse]

45

 

[canneloni12]

36 here and heartbroken, again. So it's time to say goodnight.

 

[MsMaudlin]

I'm nearly 48

❤

 

[Sobreviviente]

28, but feel myself 60+. I wish Pegasos recognized my mental age.

 

[jupiterwinds]

I'm 34, so almost.

 

[SheJumped]

Late 30's, I remember depression hitting me when I was 9 years of age. I wait for the bus to arrive.

 

[FinishingLine]

36 here and heartbroken, again. So it's time to say goodnight.

Still heartbroken after 12 years.
Just got 50 and accomplished nothing in my life. Failed at career opportunities, keeping friends, sustaining relationships. I became such an utterly negative and pessimistic person.
Life could really have been great.

 

[KlMeNw]

Just turned 38.
Sometimes, I forget my age. I tend to add 1 year and then realise I am younger. And it feels good.
I had some years where I was feeling ok.
I am getting old and my body express it.
The childhood neglect does not help to know what I need to take care of myself.
I try to keep going and oscillate between hope and despear.

Late 30's here as well. Man I hear you, I feel like I've made some mental progress for awhile, but eventually it just gets snapped in the other direction like a rubberband that's pulled too far. Very hope crushing experience.

 

[grasping_at_straws]

39 and everyday I dread every waking moment.

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

37 and I share the same sentiments as the above poster ^^^

 

[just_wanna_die]

Yes, I'm over 35. In fact, tomorrow, I will be 53 (just reverse the numbers)

As the years went by, my biggest regret is that I didn't cbt some 26 years ago after a series of tragic events in my life.

But I held on to "hope", thinking that things "will get better" and to "just hang in there". I did, but nothing really got any better, only worse.

I ask myself:
*Am I any happier today than I was 26 years ago? Answer: no!
*Am I any healthier now than 26 years ago? No.
*Am I any younger now than I was 26 years ago? Of course not.
*Am I any richer now than 26 years ago? No.
*Am I (or the people of the world for that matter, after the computer revolution, 9/11, COVID, etc...) freer now than 26 years ago? No.
*Are any of my loved ones (parents) any better off now than 26 years ago? No. (My mother is 87 and in a home with Alzheimer's and my father is 88 and has skin cancer)

I can ask myself these same questions from a future perspective:

Will I be any happier/healthier/younger/richer/freer/ 26 years from now (in the year 2048) when I reach the age of 79?

Again, the most likely and obvious answer will still be no.

So from my perspective, I can also ask myself, what have I got to look forward to? Just more headaches and heartaches. Encountering more problems and obstacles, then I die anyway. No matter what we do in life, we are all just killing time until time kills us.

Being dead is the total and complete absence of all awareness and sensation. After we have died and the brain ceases to function, we will not know were are dead nor will we know we were ever alive. So why should I continue on for another X number of years/decades? Life is a pointless exercise in futility.


"Life was not a valuable gift, but death was.
Life was a fever-dream made up of joys embittered by sorrows,
pleasure poisoned by pain; a dream that was a nightmare-confusion of spasmodic
and fleeting delights, ecstasies, exultations, happinesses, interspersed with long-drawn
miseries, griefs, perils, horrors, disappointments, defeats, humiliations, and despairs--
the heaviest curse devisable by divine ingenuity; but death was sweet, death was gentle,
death was kind; death healed the bruised spirit and the broken heart, and gave them rest
and forgetfulness; death was man's best friend; when man could endure life no longer,
death came and set him free."

~Letters from the Earth, Mark Twain (1909)

 

[Endex]

44 since March

55 this year
55 this year

 

[CoalmineCanary]

47 and trying to take care of my last affairs

 

[GreenTree]

44 since March

Same as me. 3.3.1978 I am. Wonder if born same day.

 

[Anonymus]

Same as me. 3.3.1978 I am. Wonder if born same day.

No, I'm after day 3, a little more than a few days. Sorry.
//
No, sóc posterior al dia 3, un petit grapat més de dies. Ho sento.

 

[orca87]

36 here — suffered from a atypical depression since I was 5. I didn't even realize. I had hope somehow, until I destroyed everything.

 

[ShadowsFall]

Turned 41 on the 17th of March

 

[Ernest1964]

58 and I've almost decided that I don't want to keep going on with life past 65... so the clock is ticking.

 

[ChildrensITV]

Old loser here. But without the success you had. If I had at least the IQ to be successful, it might help me stick around but as things are, I am just alive to eat food and watch my bank account clock down to 0.

 

[failtoimagine]

I'm 35

Major suicidal ideation starting in 2001, then hospitalized for it in 2003, 2014, 2019... Now I've had the longest episode yet, started last July, and have barely keeping myself out of inpatient since July 2022.

 

[Gonnerr]

43 and very tired of being on this earth , i need to go to sleep for at least 1 billion year.

 

[PJS1995]

38. I stay alive for my family, but I really don't want to live anymore. I don't want to see 39

 

[wanttodie]

im 60 but want to die before I hit 65 hoping to end my life soon

 

[RW__Asher23]

I beat all of you in age. I'm 71. I can relate to your illness issue and it is part of my reasoning for ctb but not the only one but it is Terminal Illness and If I don't ctb well my illness will be horrific ending and slow agonizing kind. There are now 2 diseases, one just entered stage 4 or end of life stage. So I will not allow that to happen to me. Wish you the best. My date is not far off and it is definite end method I chose for my ctb. Better than the end the way my illness would give me. I wish you the best journey to whatever waits you and it is a peaceful end. If that is still you plan.

 

[LookAway]

I beat all of you in age. I'm 71. I can relate to your illness issue and it is part of my reasoning for ctb but not the only one but it is Terminal Illness and If I don't ctb well my illness will be horrific ending and slow agonizing kind. There are now 2 diseases, one just entered stage 4 or end of life stage. So I will not allow that to happen to me. Wish you the best. My date is not far off and it is definite end method I chose for my ctb. Better than the end the way my illness would give me. I wish you the best journey to whatever waits you and it is a peaceful end. If that is still you plan.

Greetings Asher. Sorry you are here. Sorry for all the things that you're going. Getting older does seem terrifying. Especially these days all these toxic foods that they have fed us are killing us.
I do appreciate your service and I'm sorry for the trauma that you are having to face.
For government that does not give a damn about its people and only cares about oil gas and opium.. and building wal marts.

 

[whywere]

Just turned 67, dang am I one of the oldest folks on here? That is one aspect of SS that I love, is that it is a cross section of humanity and I so love how we all work together and help one another out. It is just so darn nice and makes my mouth and heart smile, thank you everyone on SS.

Walter

 

[RW__Asher23]

Just turned 67, dang am I one of the oldest folks on here? That is one aspect of SS that I love, is that it is a cross section of humanity and I so love how we all work together and help one another out. It is just so darn nice and makes my mouth and heart smile, thank you everyone on SS.

Walter

Nope, I got you beat, I am 71. Peace.

 

[Illidan77]

will turn 40 this year yet i feel my life stopped a long time ago and just in a loop.

 

[WearyHSP]

I'm a weary 60. Got a disabling illness at 35. Have unrelenting, untreatable childhood trauma which repeats itself, almost daily... so, triggered and getting worse day after day. Last two years I've been aging in dog years - don't recognize myself.
I tried so hard for so many decades, sought understanding and healing, learned how to have boundaries and communicate pretty well. I had hope longer than a person has a right to, given the repeat trauma and the illness. I'm a spinster with no friends and a family who pretends to care, but don't. Now I'm just struggling with taking the final step. Looking back 40 would have been an excellent time to ctb, my life has only gotten worse since - But I'd had hope back then. God I wish someone else could do it for me! I'm so scared but also my rent is going way up and I won't be able to afford living for much longer... as if surviving has been living!