Discussion Anybody else wanting to do something awesome before you ctb?

[TAW122]

I did do something like that a few times in my life, when I was on the verge of CTB'ing. One recent example was two months ago, I told myself if I found a purpose while traveling and succeeded in doing whatever I set out to do (task redacted due to privacy reasons), then I'd live. So after doing that and succeeding, I somehow found the motivation to tolerate life and not CTB in May 2019. I still don't enjoy life, but at least it wasn't bad enough to want to end it soon.

 

[spanishguy22]

Only thing I would like is a sincere connection with a girl and sex. Even then it's just meh, as I've lost interest in basically everything.It isn't half as exciting as I thought of it as a normal kid

 

[Realityisawful]

I don't see the point, personally. Once I die, nothing in this life will ever matter again, because I will be unconscious forever. Better to just get it over with.

 

[tomz323]

I did a backpack trip across Canada for this reason somehow eight years ago, after that i thought I found some reasons to go on, but I guess even reasons have expiration date. Though it was a great trip.
I just got bat from Canada, good times. At least for a little bit.

 

[JadedGray]

Not really. I don't have the resources or the energy anymore. The experience of dying will be awesome in itself.

 

[Overit1221]

Yes, I've been working on a "list" of things. There are certain recreational drugs I wanted to try at least once in my life and I've tried most of the ones i wanted to what's left if I find them before it's time then great and if not oh well. I've been living with 2 chronic degenerative illnesses for 20 years so there are a lot of things I had to miss out on (or be miserable through) with my kids so I've been trying to give them as many good memories with me as possible and intend to spend some one on one time with each of them right before I ctb or my illness takes me whichever happens first. I also have some "adventures" planned with my best friends and beyond that i'm trying to enjoy every day I have left, have LOTS of awesome sex, and show as much kindness, compassion, forgiveness and love as i can to my fellow humans.

 

[Dead Mans Shoes]

Travel. But that's out of reach. Help a local community.

 

[Username786]

Since last year, I think often of Groundhog Day. Another day! Empty like the last! Great, let's do it all over again.

Ctb feels like getting the F out of Groundhog Day.

If I wake up back in my bed even after driving myself and Phil off a cliff like Bill Murray, I'm going to be furious.

 

[dandan]

Not really. I don't have the resources or the energy anymore. The experience of dying will be awesome in itself.

before I ctb...
I would like to...
there's nothing so interesting ...
I dunno why I dont ctb right now... .single stat dose... N... could be... its possible... only a thought

 

[JadedGray]

before I ctb...
I would like to...
there's nothing so interesting ...
I dunno why I dont ctb right now... .single stat dose... N... could be... its possible... only a thought

It sounds like your survival instinct. Sorry you're stuck in this limbo.

 

[toolateforme]

God there's so much I'd love to do but I won't have the time nor funds to do any of those things. Makes me really sad, honestly. But I suppose I can enjoy what I can right now before I go.

 

[seekingoblivion]

I just want to die.

 

[affinity]

I feel I have done everything I want to do in life. Except visit the Isle of Skye. I don't have the money nor energy for that now, though.

I've just been reading through your posts. I understand you're very likely no longer with us, but your posts have continued to have an influence on others, including myself.

This may not be appropriate to say, but this has inspired me to make arrangements to travel to the Isle of Skye. I've always wanted to go to Scotland because my ancestors are originally from there. Once I arrive, I will say hello for you.

Thank you for this.

 

[FuneralCry]

There is nothing that I want to do. I just want to be gone from this world. I do not have any interest in anything and there is nothing that I enjoy. That is part of the reason why I want to die. If I had a list of things that I could do and that I enjoyed, then maybe I would not want to die so badly. I want to sleep as much as possible. If I had no nightmares and the tinnitus did not wake me up, then that would be 'awesome' I guess.

 

[irememberinnocence]

There are lots of things I still want to do, but I don't have the health to do them. Now I'm just looking to end my life quickly before I deteriorate even more, since I've been going downhill quickly lately. I comfort myself that I've always done what my health allowed and definitely pushed the boundaries on that too. I've had some pretty wild adventures and some fascinating experiences. I've really truly lived. Having fulfilled as many dreams as I could makes it easier for me to let go now that my physical quality of life is no longer acceptable to me. I'm not struggling with regrets, because I crammed as much into my life as possible.