Story Anybody else make secret suicide jokes to people?

[falloutcarter13]

I had to get another cast put on my leg a couple of weeks ago, and the guy asked me what color. I told him "I want it murdered out, black stocking, black cast." He laughed and asked me if I was trying to be Darth Vader or something. I laughed back, and before I could stop the words from coming out, I said "They won't have to cut it off at the funeral home. It'll go with the suit." Luckily he laughed like I was making a joke, which I guess I kind of was...I don't do it with people close to me, but I can't help having a private joke with some people. The other day I pumped gas for my grandma and got it on my hand, I went in to pay and the lady goes "Dang, did you take a bath in gasoline out there?" Again, couldn't stop myself from saying "Yeah, its my time. Got a light?"

Am I just one sick fuck? Or is this somewhat normal when you know you'll be ctb soon? I honestly can't tell anymore lol, it seems like I've become a whole different person since making this decision. I'm probably just insane. Historically, that's been the case with me.

 

[BPD Barbie]

All the time, but because its kinda trendy to be depressed these days people just laugh and go 'OMG SAME!'

 

[Blue LIPS]

Errrrday, most of what I say is crude/rude ... but usually hilarious lol I don't live so serious like some do. Most of my "jokes" would probably be reported here.

 

[socrates]

lol, I think it's just a way your coping with your decision. I don't think anyone really want's to CTB, It's a choice that people make when they have no other options. It's a sad thing. So I can understand your coping with dark humor. I haven't done this before, but that might just be because I haven't made up my mind 100% yet.

 

[Deleted member 19276]

I've tried to joke about it with my parents, they are aware of my state and all but... They would roll their eyes and try to avoid all the jokes like that.
I guess I understand them, but still...
Rather than that, no one else really to tell these kind of jokes to. Way too may pro lifers, even on my FB, some of my ex college buddies...
Sucks that we have so little space to express how we feel without judgement.

 

[Nymph]

I had to get another cast put on my leg a couple of weeks ago, and the guy asked me what color. I told him "I want it murdered out, black stocking, black cast." He laughed and asked me if I was trying to be Darth Vader or something. I laughed back, and before I could stop the words from coming out, I said "They won't have to cut it off at the funeral home. It'll go with the suit." Luckily he laughed like I was making a joke, which I guess I kind of was...I don't do it with people close to me, but I can't help having a private joke with some people. The other day I pumped gas for my grandma and got it on my hand, I went in to pay and the lady goes "Dang, did you take a bath in gasoline out there?" Again, couldn't stop myself from saying "Yeah, its my time. Got a light?"

Am I just one sick fuck? Or is this somewhat normal when you know you'll be ctb soon? I honestly can't tell anymore lol, it seems like I've become a whole different person since making this decision. I'm probably just insane. Historically, that's been the case with me.

I wish I could but I feel like my classmates are mostly positive about life and wouldn't find it funny and just be worried about me

 

[feast or famine]

The other day my brother asked how I was and I said, "good, just trying to stay away from bridges", which is how I tried to kms recently. I was kidding, well kind of, but I couldn't help saying that.

I've always had a really dark and cynical sense of humor and I've always been sarcastic in nature, so I don't think my brother thought much of it. It's still funny to see people's reactions if they think you're 100% serious, haha.

 

[Dreamless Sleep]

I have been a smartass/sarcastic all my life. So yes, always cracking jokes and I hide my depression very well... even when making jokes about death.

When I'm gone, I expect the few people who actually knew me will be shocked because "she was always so happy and funny".

 

[Mustkeyknow]

I'm blunt to people about my suicide intentions. Not to strangers though, though they can see my scars. To my friends they all know, and I'm very open about my wishes for them to care for my parents. Though I don't think they will.

 

[Xiaomi]

It's so fun giving them hints I'll CTB soon. It's kinda therapeutic.

 

[Deardaddy]

Depends on who . I unable to take jokes ,I could not do the simplest of things. Like eating , sleeping . So why should I lie to myself we are living in a fuc up world . The jokes doesn't change the fact

 

[Aap]

Always hide your power level

 

[TAW122]

In the past, I might have accidentally slipped out a CTB joke, but then after knowing that people who know my disposition, I refrained from ever making such jokes because I don't want intervention or attention. If I want to CTB, I would want to do so without any chance of intervention or foiling my plans.

 

[ClairyFairy]

I make jokes about it all the time. I'd go as far to say sometimes with my friends or the dr and I have bants about it and have a joke about it. I can't help it and English people have the best sense of humour, why not? It makes me less likely to do it if I'm open