BodyOfDaffodil
Member
- Jun 14, 2023
- 31
(TW: SA)
I've seen a few people confused on what's been going on with me, Daffodil. So I'll explain it all right now since I'm feeling a little better today.
Wednesday evening; I posted something asking about whether or not it is right for my step brother 'R' to make lewd suggestions and passes at me. Constantly asking me about virginity among other things, and how experienced I was with guys. To which I replied to him that I'm not very experienced (I do not count my SA experiences.) and that I don't plan on getting together with anyone since well, my mental state in recent months has been anything but stable. Mind you, 'R' has been in my life since my childhood. He is older than me, but we were kids and were always around each other during family events. He was a good friend.
Nonetheless, that evening we get drunk, and high. It started with me just taking a shot as a joke, and smoking a joint. Me and 'R' were laughing, joking, talking about our childhoods and the dumb things our parents did. Soon enough, we're passing two bottles of vodka between us with chasers then he pulls out gabbies and T3s. I said no the first few times he offered them to me, saying that I was trying to avoid drug use since I have an addictive personality.
He keeps saying it'll be fine, that it's just the one time and that we're safe. We're at my fathers home, in the middle of nowhere. No one but us has to know. Reluctantly I took them both, and another few shots of vodka with weed.
We go back inside the house, our parents (they are dating) were passed out in their room. I go downstairs to the spare bedroom to get some fresh blankets and he comes down with me. Forgive me if the next few sentences don't make much sense. Please do note that I was under the influence, therefore I can only remember blips and pieces.
We sat on the bed, and I was talking. He suddenly looked over at me and asked if I had been teasing him all night. I asked him what he meant and he said that I had been giving him bedroom eyes, smiling at him and making certain body movements that suggested I was into him. He asked me if he saw us as brother and sister (step siblings) or as something else. I explained to him that I only saw him as my bro, my childhood friend, and that's all I could ever see him as. He seemed somewhat disappointed in that answer and I took it as the conversation was done.
I remember he told me about the fact he was horny and needed help. I told him that it was his problem to figure out, and I grabbed my blankets and began to leave the room. He closed the door, locking it and turned to me. The lights went out, and the next thing I know he has me by the throat against the little mattress.
I tried yelling at him, but he stuffed his fingers in my mouth and told me to shut up or he would really hurt me. I can remember him biting my neck, breasts and slapping my face each time I tried to make a sound. I tried pushing him off, I tried biting him, scratching, everything. I don't know how long we were down there for, but it was around 5-6am when he let me go. There was so much blood. Everywhere. On me, on the mattress, on him, and he told me that I wasn't a virgin anymore. That it was better I had embarrassed myself with him than any other guy.
I stumbled up to my room on the top floor and crawled into bed. I didn't bother to clean myself off, I just collapsed. I woke up around 9-10am later on and had to drive myself to the hospital because the bleeding was growing concerning. At the hospital, I told them what had happened and they called the cops. after getting a rape kit and swabbed, I was in my room when my father and his girlfriend (R's mother) came into the room. They sat down, and told me that what had happened was normal, that 'R' was just sexually frustrated and I had been teasing him. They said that this doesn't have to go to court, and we can resolve it in private with 'R'. Today is the next day, I'm still waiting for more from the police. But I have a faint feeling that this, this won't go anywhere. The police here don't care for people like me, and trust me, I've tried filing police reports before. They never work.
But yes, that's everything that's happened. I've been on a psych hold, and they're supervising me. I haven't tried to CTB, but I have tried to mutilate myself. Didn't work and now I'm just here. Rotting. In pain. Confused.
I've seen a few people confused on what's been going on with me, Daffodil. So I'll explain it all right now since I'm feeling a little better today.
Wednesday evening; I posted something asking about whether or not it is right for my step brother 'R' to make lewd suggestions and passes at me. Constantly asking me about virginity among other things, and how experienced I was with guys. To which I replied to him that I'm not very experienced (I do not count my SA experiences.) and that I don't plan on getting together with anyone since well, my mental state in recent months has been anything but stable. Mind you, 'R' has been in my life since my childhood. He is older than me, but we were kids and were always around each other during family events. He was a good friend.
Nonetheless, that evening we get drunk, and high. It started with me just taking a shot as a joke, and smoking a joint. Me and 'R' were laughing, joking, talking about our childhoods and the dumb things our parents did. Soon enough, we're passing two bottles of vodka between us with chasers then he pulls out gabbies and T3s. I said no the first few times he offered them to me, saying that I was trying to avoid drug use since I have an addictive personality.
He keeps saying it'll be fine, that it's just the one time and that we're safe. We're at my fathers home, in the middle of nowhere. No one but us has to know. Reluctantly I took them both, and another few shots of vodka with weed.
We go back inside the house, our parents (they are dating) were passed out in their room. I go downstairs to the spare bedroom to get some fresh blankets and he comes down with me. Forgive me if the next few sentences don't make much sense. Please do note that I was under the influence, therefore I can only remember blips and pieces.
We sat on the bed, and I was talking. He suddenly looked over at me and asked if I had been teasing him all night. I asked him what he meant and he said that I had been giving him bedroom eyes, smiling at him and making certain body movements that suggested I was into him. He asked me if he saw us as brother and sister (step siblings) or as something else. I explained to him that I only saw him as my bro, my childhood friend, and that's all I could ever see him as. He seemed somewhat disappointed in that answer and I took it as the conversation was done.
I remember he told me about the fact he was horny and needed help. I told him that it was his problem to figure out, and I grabbed my blankets and began to leave the room. He closed the door, locking it and turned to me. The lights went out, and the next thing I know he has me by the throat against the little mattress.
I tried yelling at him, but he stuffed his fingers in my mouth and told me to shut up or he would really hurt me. I can remember him biting my neck, breasts and slapping my face each time I tried to make a sound. I tried pushing him off, I tried biting him, scratching, everything. I don't know how long we were down there for, but it was around 5-6am when he let me go. There was so much blood. Everywhere. On me, on the mattress, on him, and he told me that I wasn't a virgin anymore. That it was better I had embarrassed myself with him than any other guy.
I stumbled up to my room on the top floor and crawled into bed. I didn't bother to clean myself off, I just collapsed. I woke up around 9-10am later on and had to drive myself to the hospital because the bleeding was growing concerning. At the hospital, I told them what had happened and they called the cops. after getting a rape kit and swabbed, I was in my room when my father and his girlfriend (R's mother) came into the room. They sat down, and told me that what had happened was normal, that 'R' was just sexually frustrated and I had been teasing him. They said that this doesn't have to go to court, and we can resolve it in private with 'R'. Today is the next day, I'm still waiting for more from the police. But I have a faint feeling that this, this won't go anywhere. The police here don't care for people like me, and trust me, I've tried filing police reports before. They never work.
But yes, that's everything that's happened. I've been on a psych hold, and they're supervising me. I haven't tried to CTB, but I have tried to mutilate myself. Didn't work and now I'm just here. Rotting. In pain. Confused.
