Venting anybody else feel like a little helpless kid

[savoytruffle]

i don't know if it's because i still live in my childhood home and room or what, but the past 3 years or so after my father died and now that my cat died i just feel like I'm 12 and helpless again. it feels like character regression i went from kinda being able to go outside at 19 to now being afraid of my own shadow again in my early 20s. i think im going nuts

it feels like im in the beginning of a race track like the line where all the runners wait for the gun, and everyone left a long time ago and i never began the race, so im just standing there and the crowd is looking at me. i don't know how to articulate anything i don't know, i just wanted to put this into words in case anyone else understands

 

[katara]

ya definitely, maybe because i first started feeling suicidal when i was a kid. I assumed stuff would be better when i was grown up,,, but nope :(

 

[cgrtt.brns]

yeah i definitely feel like im stuck as a child. ik its sounds stupid but i feel like i died the first time i tried to ctb at 12 years old but my body stayed alive and my brain stunted its growth if that makes sense, like my body is haunted by my 12 year old self, that might explain why i feel so disconnected from my body and life in general lol. if my parents didnt move a few years ago id still be in my childhood room too, but i still have a lot of my childhood things in my room now and its layed out pretty much the same.
im really sorry youre in a similar position, and about your dad and cat, sending hugs if you need them.

 

[imissmykitten]

i do, and it sucks because people don't really care about helping you or tolerating certain things when you grow up but i still need the assistance a child would receive in many ways

 

[unrest]

yea. especially helpless when your family and yourself had to take care of a really troubled kid at 10 yrs old. always having to fight the mental health system just to get avg help, hiding sharp objects, always being on guard. im stripping away my families happiness even if they liked to admit it or not.

 

[Readytogo246]

Because of trauma we weren't able to move on so we get stuck in the constant replay of our childhood horrors and memories that get distorted over time. It still really hurts! Especially in the heart...very deeply.