Discussion Any users that have attempted when they were really young?

[MyDeath88]

The first time I wanted to die I couldn't have been older than 6 or 7. I made a series of stupid mistakes in class and made my favorite teacher upset. Genuinely no big deal, things like that happen all the time, but to me then it was like the end of the world. I was worthless, everything I did lead to failure, my life should end and I should die. I didn't really understand what death entailed then, but I remember wanting to throw myself out of the window and then never wake up. It just goes to show my general emotional dysregulation and warped sense of causality, and also somewhat proves to me that I was always screwed; the abuse in my home life hadn't yet developed to the disastrous level it would, and aside from my father dying a few years prior my life was just pretty standard all things considered, yet I was already thinking like this. Even if I had a loving mother, chances are high I would've still turned out like I did because of my shitty brain chemistry. Thinking about this truly saddens me, but I feel like it's also a positive in a sense, as at least a good family wasn't wasted on me.

My first real "attempt" happened when I was 9. I can't really remember why (I can't really remember a lot from that period of my life), but the fragments I do still somewhat retain point to it being something similarly stupid. At this point in my life however my mom gradually came into the first phase of losing herself to schizophrenic paranoia and my life became generally worse, so I can forgive myself a little. I know she also said and did some horrible things to me since I remember her begging me not to tell anyone lest social services take me and drop me around people who would be happy to do anything they wanted to me (she explained in detail) All of this probably pushed me over the edge, and I remember tying a makeshift noose to hang over an exposed metal bar in my room, tying it around my neck, and letting go. Obviously being 9, the knot I made was terrible and incorrect and it held for about 10ish seconds before I dropped to the floor. I was too tired to continue afterwards and went to bed.

There have been many considerations and attempts since (obviously I'm pretty bad at it since I'm still alive lol) But this was the beginning for me. Do any of you have similar experiences trying to cbt this young? If so and you are comfortable sharing it, please do tell, I'm quite curious.

 

[jasongrace]

i dont think it counts because there was no chance of it working, but when i was around eight i ate an entire jar of vitamin gummies because i knew about overdoses and just kind of assumed it worked with anything lol

 

[Rynalia]

I can't remember much of my life in general as well, at best it's only fragments or a stray image here and there.

The only thing that flickers in my head when thinking about this is images of trying to asphyxiate myself through ligature strangulation before even hitting double digit age.

Kind of wish little me lucked out or somehow did it properly. But that's asking way too much...

Kind of sad to think about the fact that nothing has improved over the decades even the slightest.

 

[LastLoveSong]

I can't remember much of my life in general as well, at best it's only fragments or a stray image here and there.

I can't remember anything at all in my entire life either, might as well have been born a week ago

 

[peridot-tears]

When I was little I used to suck my thumb before bed to self sooth or if I was anxious, which became a bad habit I kept for a while. At 12, after a really bad night of my dad screaming at me, I decided to coat both of my thumbs in iodine in hopes of sucking my thumbs to poison myself while sleeping. Didn't work out, but I kept that little bottle in my room up until I graduated high school. I definitely relate to your sentiment of remembering fragments. I don't remember a lot of the good stuff in my life as a kid, but if you asked me for every single moment of the bad, I can recall it like it was yesterday.

 

[Blahaj]

i tried to CTB when i was around 7 but got interrupted by my parents coming home. i was about to jump out of my window because of my ED and my parents telling me that i would die by high school if i couldn't stop eating the way i do. i knew i couldn't, so i figured why not end my suffering a bit ahead of schedule. not that it would've worked anyways since i was only on the second story but woooooo trauma~

 

[bl33ding_heart]

The first time I wanted to die I couldn't have been older than 6 or 7. I made a series of stupid mistakes in class and made my favorite teacher upset. Genuinely no big deal, things like that happen all the time, but to me then it was like the end of the world. I was worthless, everything I did lead to failure, my life should end and I should die. I didn't really understand what death entailed then, but I remember wanting to throw myself out of the window and then never wake up. It just goes to show my general emotional dysregulation and warped sense of causality, and also somewhat proves to me that I was always screwed; the abuse in my home life hadn't yet developed to the disastrous level it would, and aside from my father dying a few years prior my life was just pretty standard all things considered, yet I was already thinking like this. Even if I had a loving mother, chances are high I would've still turned out like I did because of my shitty brain chemistry. Thinking about this truly saddens me, but I feel like it's also a positive in a sense, as at least a good family wasn't wasted on me.

My first real "attempt" happened when I was 9. I can't really remember why (I can't really remember a lot from that period of my life), but the fragments I do still somewhat retain point to it being something similarly stupid. At this point in my life however my mom gradually came into the first phase of losing herself to schizophrenic paranoia and my life became generally worse, so I can forgive myself a little. I know she also said and did some horrible things to me since I remember her begging me not to tell anyone lest social services take me and drop me around people who would be happy to do anything they wanted to me (she explained in detail) All of this probably pushed me over the edge, and I remember tying a makeshift noose to hang over an exposed metal bar in my room, tying it around my neck, and letting go. Obviously being 9, the knot I made was terrible and incorrect and it held for about 10ish seconds before I dropped to the floor. I was too tired to continue afterwards and went to bed.

There have been many considerations and attempts since (obviously I'm pretty bad at it since I'm still alive lol) But this was the beginning for me. Do any of you have similar experiences trying to cbt this young? If so and you are comfortable sharing it, please do tell, I'm quite curious.

My first ever attempt was when I was 12. I wasn't diagnosed yet but my bpd was very symptomatic and 12-13 was a very hard period of my life. My only friends at school were treating me badly and my parents were abusive. After I had a big argument with my mom and I was crying my eyes out one day I locked myself in my bathroom and tried to kill myself using the night night method. And to make matters worse she was screaming at me and trying to break the door down but she had no idea what I was actually doing lol.

 

[kcon1243]

I wanted to fall from a great height or get hit by a vehicle as young as 6 or 7. First attempted at maybe age 11 or 12, broke into my parents medicine cabinet and swallowed all the pills. Resulted in getting my stomach pumped and a trip to the psych ward. Twenty plus years later, many attempts since.

 

[kamyzyak]

Kind of. At 10-11 years old, I was very upset when I found out that I would have to go to school on Saturdays, and I tried to electrocute myself by sticking nail scissors into an extension cord. It didn't work, so I accepted the loss eventually.

 

[lonergirl_26]

My first attempts were at 7. I'm not sure of why I would just get so upset and frustrated I would try to hang myself. I don't even know how I knew how to do it but I did. I probably could've done it if I knew how to tie a proper knot that would've held my body weight.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I can't remember anything at all in my entire life either, might as well have been born a week ago

I can't remember much of my life in general as well, at best it's only fragments or a stray image here and there.

same . another reason life is a big scam , meaningless and slavery.

nobody really remmebers anything . so like you said it's as if years passed like weeks or days.

if i pick 20 different dates out of the last 5 years who can type out what they did on those days every minute or even every hour ? or even any 3 dates or even 1 date i pick. nobody. nobody remembers anything . what a human does remember is very few things but those are models of what happened and those models usually change : for example you can't even go back to any memorable event and replay it from start to finish like you can a video if you had taped it on the video camera.

but the horrible paradox is that if you start suffering extremely every second can seem to last a long time while you are suffering

 

[33K1LLM3]

My first proper attempt was at 10, I overdosed on paracetamol. When I was 12, I tried hanging myself with a usb cable in a play park, that was the hardest attempt. I haven't attempted since but I have always been scared by the fact that I was already dying as a child…

 

[TooLate2582]

12.

 

[AuraByte]

I wrote my first suicide note at 11. I had planned to either take an overdose or hang myself.

But I pussied out at the last minute. I even considered running away instead because the feelings were so shameful.

 

[dasmurphy]

I were in 2. Grade when I tried first time, so around the age of 9 I think

 

[Ashu]

First time at fourteen.

 

[sximii]

My first time was at 11. Since then, I've been repeatedly sent into mental hospitals

 

[25jiyuki]

I must've been 12-13. I brought a bottle of ibuprofen to school and took it all during lunch break. Didn't work, my stomach just hurt like shit and I got very sick.

 

[InTheAbyss]

My first was a few months after I turned 7. I hung myself with a skipping rope from a hook in the ceiling at home. Somehow even had the noose and knot at the anchor point correct. But it was one of those plastic skipping ropes and it broke from my weight somewhere between 10-30 seconds of me being in the air. Might've worked if it was one that was more rope like.

 

[schizozoomr]

I tried to hang myself from my bed when I was 12. I passed out but the knot broke. I never told anyone.

 

[fenty]

the first time i was 12 and i took like lots of paracetamol and i took myself to hospital (???) and the second time i was 13-14 and drank a whole bottle of vodka and took every pill i could find and i couldn't see or walk and my parents took me to hospital

 

[theboy]

In my pre-adolescence
Eh

When I was little I used to suck my thumb before bed to self sooth or if I was anxious, which became a bad habit I kept for a while. At 12, after a really bad night of my dad screaming at me, I decided to coat both of my thumbs in iodine in hopes of sucking my thumbs to poison myself while sleeping. Didn't work out, but I kept that little bottle in my room up until I graduated high school. I definitely relate to your sentiment of remembering fragments. I don't remember a lot of the good stuff in my life as a kid, but if you asked me for every single moment of the bad, I can recall it like it was yesterday.

Oh
What happend with the bottle?

 

[Wolf Girl]

I was 12. I took overdoses of OTC pills on two separate occasions.

 

[oneirataxia]

All of this probably pushed me over the edge, and I remember tying a makeshift noose to hang over an exposed metal bar in my room, tying it around my neck, and letting go. Obviously being 9, the knot I made was terrible and incorrect and it held for about 10ish seconds before I dropped to the floor. I was too tired to continue afterwards and went to bed.

I was maybe 12 when I made my second "attempt," and I did pretty much the same thing you did.

 

[lameemo]

Yes, my first attempted happened when i was around 11.

 

[ElTopo]

Not full fledged attempt but I did go out with the intentions of jumping under a train multiple times and chickened out.
I remember when I was little I used to put batteries under my bed or taking my parents' pills thinking it would give me cancer.

 

[Pale_Rider]

I stuck a rifle in my mouth when I was about 14, but didn't pull the trigger.

 

[Renato]

When I was around 8 I went on the canopy above the entrance of the building I lived in: it was just 3 meters or so high, but in my mind it would have been enough to kill me. I remember staying there for maybe a minute to find the strength to actually do it, but I was and still am a coward so I gave up.

The reason was because I didn't have permission to get back home until my mother finished cleaning around, but I had no friends to hang with so I realized how much my life sucked. If only my life would have ended that day.

 

[fallendevil]

- First attempt was at 9 and I tried to hang myself in the school bathroom

- Found some mushroom growing in the grass and I ate it thinking I'd die after reading the news about some backpackers doing that, I just got sick for a week :/

- Tried to strangle myself in my parents backyard with a rope in 5th grade but my head started hurting so I stopped

I wish I locked in and found this site in 2018 before life really got shitty , now it's too late and I have to make a legacy so I'm not known for being a depressed lazy gooner grown ass woman.

 

[wishingonstars]

First made a real plan (to drown myself) and wrote a letter to everyone when I was 8, I gathered the supplies (was going to tie big cement bricks to my legs and waist and jump into a pool in the backyard of my fathers house I spent a couple summers at) I planned the whole thing one day and stayed up late that night to do it but backed out due to not wanting to leave my younger sibling alone in life without my protection.

The first actual attempt wasn't until I was 15 and I was sent to a mental hospital after that one.

My first real plan at 8 was better than any plan I've had since honestly. Depending on the day I'm either incredibly grateful I have a sibling who has unknowingly saved my life so many times or wish I didn't so I would have gone through with it.