Thanks for all of your input. It's really interesting for me to read the story of other people that go through the same or similar struggles. And I share your suffer. I hope you will find what you are looking for, be it happiness or a peaceful exit.
I also feel the struggle of non-binary people, @Duqu. I know it's really hard to fit in, in this dual society where everyone gets labeled either male or female. All of you people are valid. About the electrolysis - we have to do several hair removal sessions for the facial hair. They are quite painful but they're covered by health insurance in many countries. I don't know about your situation, I guess non-binary people are in a different position than I am - but you could ask your health insurance about that too. Health insurance companies usually cover it for mtf's because it severely reduces gender dysphoria. Maybe it could work for you. I'm halfway through with it, although I don't find the strength right now to do the last couple of sessions. But I'm almost done with it.
@ChaosDergon, I think it must be really difficult to handle BDP and gender dysphoria at the same time. I can relate to your job situation as I am unemployed right now and it's almost impossible for me to find a job. And transition also was the best decision ever in my life, I agree with you on that. I also had the hope transition would "fix" my me and well, it didn't. It increased the quality of my life greatly but I'm still suffering. Are you actively seeking to ctb or still fighting? If so, I hope you can find a way to get rid of your anxiety and beat the gender dysphoria as well as your depression. I unterstand BPD is a severe disorder and very difficult to handle. Thanks for sharing your story.
I see there are very differing reasons for all of you you to be a member of this forum. Hugs and support to you all.
