Idk where which peer support thread to put this in..There doesn't seem to be one for friendships/relationships..
Anyway this is copied from reddit about very likely having anxious attachment:
Possible anxious attachment, I don't want to lose my secure friend... I don't know where to begin
I feel I have anxious attachment. Not only does my friend mention this to me before, but I think he went to chatgbt to rant about me again..
I live with my only close friend, had to move out of a abusive household and I was homeless.
it was yesterday and I feel things are ok, there are times I still have this feeling in the back of my head when I feel tense due to old wounds. Well then I noticed, he placed a hat over this notebook he keeps lying around in public. I never looked in at but at a glance. I would think about things how I like the visual aspect but I know if I look longer it would be invasive. Well it was bothering me a bit so I asked if it was his hat and he said it was and then he mentioned how he got invited to go eat Korean BBQ with his friend group. So I'm trying to vent to AI and try to tell myself I don't need to keep worrying about that stuff. The couch I am sitting at is next to the bathroom, and he is getting ready and I'm trying to do this assignment. From the bathroom I can hear a voice talking about " Anxious attachment" and how " it's been a year of this" and " He wants to make my friends his friends" and " things feeling rushed".
I felt heartbroken and I'm trying to tell myself, to calm down. This isn't the first time I have heard him either vent about me behind my back, but the second time I heard him mention me to ChatGBT. And even then I second guess it a lot and try to use evidence and take things at face value.
I keep researching about anxious attachment and I feel this is like me. However, I feel like constantly ever since I moved here he has talked behind my back, his friends talked behind my back, been rude to my face, let his friends be extremely rude to me and not say anything. But he keeps assuring everything is fine. Not going to lie I have other problems and there were other issues that lead to him being distant for a bit. Though I felt at times I made myself look bad because something he kept repeatedly doing triggers me.
In fact I felt in a lot of my past friendships and relationships I felt like I would focus so much on one person but I would know and question in the moment why I kept doing this. I would want to reach out to others but I don't want to bother them or keep doing the same thing. It's like I only respond to others.
I really don't have a lot of friends because of it and the last time I dated was 10 years ago. People think I'm like a person from hell and that I'm mentally unstable. Most times I made the situation worse. It feels like every time I tried to work and practice thing learned in therapy I get triggered, I can't handle the situation, I get abandonment issues and go back to bad behavior and patterns.
Even before I moved in with him I remember we went to George Webs and I'm trying to make small talk like " There are so many options, I don't know what to order" and he went " I don't give a shit what you do" and I felt shock. I honestly wanted to leave tbh.
I could name a bunch of examples but idk. He has more friends than I do, some from the age of 5. Yet I never hear anyone else talk bad about him. The only time I did was my friend outside of this person, mention about he made a bunch of generalizations and how he seems passive aggressive. In fact this person hasn't responded to me since the 22nd and I'm trying to not bother him.
I don't know what to exactly do. I'm 31 and this has been a issue for years. But this situation I feel I'm making situations worse. I feel I am not being a good friend to him and that I'm too much. His friend group ( who he met through a guy on Grindr who is currently his best friend and ex) for 4 years. But he thinks I'm dependent on his friends and Idk. Like they have me on discord but none of them with the exception of one message me but not regularly.
Then there is this thing with his FWB who he has romantic feelings for, having SA allegations, and even though he doesn't view it as such, probably SA'd him too. Something recently happened lately where he is mad at this person. And I feel I can't talk about anything due to me trying to be better and work on myself despite my terrible actions in the past but he still continues to be my friend ( at least what he says at face value).
I'm trying hard to trust him but I keep having tense feelings where its expecting treatment of me he has before.
Anyway this is copied from reddit about very likely having anxious attachment:
Possible anxious attachment, I don't want to lose my secure friend... I don't know where to begin
I feel I have anxious attachment. Not only does my friend mention this to me before, but I think he went to chatgbt to rant about me again..
I live with my only close friend, had to move out of a abusive household and I was homeless.
it was yesterday and I feel things are ok, there are times I still have this feeling in the back of my head when I feel tense due to old wounds. Well then I noticed, he placed a hat over this notebook he keeps lying around in public. I never looked in at but at a glance. I would think about things how I like the visual aspect but I know if I look longer it would be invasive. Well it was bothering me a bit so I asked if it was his hat and he said it was and then he mentioned how he got invited to go eat Korean BBQ with his friend group. So I'm trying to vent to AI and try to tell myself I don't need to keep worrying about that stuff. The couch I am sitting at is next to the bathroom, and he is getting ready and I'm trying to do this assignment. From the bathroom I can hear a voice talking about " Anxious attachment" and how " it's been a year of this" and " He wants to make my friends his friends" and " things feeling rushed".
I felt heartbroken and I'm trying to tell myself, to calm down. This isn't the first time I have heard him either vent about me behind my back, but the second time I heard him mention me to ChatGBT. And even then I second guess it a lot and try to use evidence and take things at face value.
I keep researching about anxious attachment and I feel this is like me. However, I feel like constantly ever since I moved here he has talked behind my back, his friends talked behind my back, been rude to my face, let his friends be extremely rude to me and not say anything. But he keeps assuring everything is fine. Not going to lie I have other problems and there were other issues that lead to him being distant for a bit. Though I felt at times I made myself look bad because something he kept repeatedly doing triggers me.
In fact I felt in a lot of my past friendships and relationships I felt like I would focus so much on one person but I would know and question in the moment why I kept doing this. I would want to reach out to others but I don't want to bother them or keep doing the same thing. It's like I only respond to others.
I really don't have a lot of friends because of it and the last time I dated was 10 years ago. People think I'm like a person from hell and that I'm mentally unstable. Most times I made the situation worse. It feels like every time I tried to work and practice thing learned in therapy I get triggered, I can't handle the situation, I get abandonment issues and go back to bad behavior and patterns.
Even before I moved in with him I remember we went to George Webs and I'm trying to make small talk like " There are so many options, I don't know what to order" and he went " I don't give a shit what you do" and I felt shock. I honestly wanted to leave tbh.
I could name a bunch of examples but idk. He has more friends than I do, some from the age of 5. Yet I never hear anyone else talk bad about him. The only time I did was my friend outside of this person, mention about he made a bunch of generalizations and how he seems passive aggressive. In fact this person hasn't responded to me since the 22nd and I'm trying to not bother him.
I don't know what to exactly do. I'm 31 and this has been a issue for years. But this situation I feel I'm making situations worse. I feel I am not being a good friend to him and that I'm too much. His friend group ( who he met through a guy on Grindr who is currently his best friend and ex) for 4 years. But he thinks I'm dependent on his friends and Idk. Like they have me on discord but none of them with the exception of one message me but not regularly.
Then there is this thing with his FWB who he has romantic feelings for, having SA allegations, and even though he doesn't view it as such, probably SA'd him too. Something recently happened lately where he is mad at this person. And I feel I can't talk about anything due to me trying to be better and work on myself despite my terrible actions in the past but he still continues to be my friend ( at least what he says at face value).
I'm trying hard to trust him but I keep having tense feelings where its expecting treatment of me he has before.
