Venting anxiety about not self-harmimg

[waitingroom]

I feel really nervous & anxious about the fact i have not self harmed in a while. I have plans to do so tonight but im afraid it will be dull again, and if it does I honestly have no clue what I'll do. this whole week i have been dreading not self-harmimg, because If i cant control all my feelings with it I'll go bonkers.. its almost like anxiety medication or anti depressants, i just need it. after going so long with self harming i just cannot stop. i cannot see my arm fade so easily, i cannot be clean. relapsing is all that matters to me. its practically all i need in this world. i am genuienly very excited to relapse.

 

[sadbh—itstimetogo🤎]

Truthfully, the pressure of doing something "bad" causes anxiety and makes you more likely to self harm. It creates an addictive cycle when you try to resist doing something and build up a lot of emotion behind it.

I had an amazing therapist who once gave me permission to do so. And basically when you give yourself permission, it reduces the pressure and anxiety. So, that might help.

Not sure what your goals are, but I'm sorry you're anxious about all of this.