Anhedonia: there is nothing worst than it

[Snake of Eden]

Anyone else feel like their anhedonia is the biggest aspect that make them want to ctb?
I cant think of anything that is accessible to me that I can enjoy doing and this is pushing me over the edge.

 

[puppet_nihilist]

I think my anhedonia is so extreme that I am not even capable of sacrificing any amount of energy (even if I had any energy to begin with) to do important things throughout the day which was something that I did so naturally before my anhedonia began creeping up. Interest, motivation, care, attention, stimulation, enthusiasm, whatever you want to call that energizer or "prime mover thingy" became almost nonexistent for me, became very apathetic and lazy instead. This, setting aside how I can't even enjoy many things that used to bring me so much joy and excitement, is my reason to ctb as well. I feel you.

 

[FuneralCry]

I've been like that a lot of my life really, this life has never been enjoyable to me. I have always lacked the energy and struggled through it. I see humans as doing the same activities on loop for decades until they die. Existence is the most pointless thing ever to me.

 

[demuic]

I think my anhedonia is so extreme that I am not even capable of sacrificing any amount of energy (even if I had any energy to begin with) to do important things throughout the day which was something that I did so naturally before my anhedonia began creeping up. Interest, motivation, care, attention, stimulation, enthusiasm, whatever you want to call that energizer or "prime mover thingy" became almost nonexistent for me, became very apathetic and lazy instead. This, setting aside how I can't even enjoy many things that used to bring me so much joy and excitement, is my reason to ctb as well. I feel you.

I can relate. I have an extreme lack of energy and have no will to do most things.

It's not only that I am incapable of enjoying things that I used to enjoy, but those things are actively being taken away from me by external forces as well. Things are changing so fast and I cannot deal with the way things are now. It feels like the world doesn't want me to be happy.

 

[Celerity]

I think it's the final stage in my suicidal ideation. If that happens again for longer than it did before, that might be the last stretch before I catch the bus. People who have never experienced it cannot comprehend it.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Just imagine living everyday with nothing but dread as you really cant enjoy anything at all

I think it's the final stage in my suicidal ideation. If that happens again for longer than it did before, that might be the last stretch before I catch the bus. People who have never experienced it cannot comprehend it.

 

[Vault of Memories]

Pretty much. I just don't find any joy in anything and haven't for years. Everything feels like a burden and I feel like a burden to everyone. I come home from work and lay in my bed pretty much for the remainder of the day.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Nah, I've gotten used to it. Hate when other people are feeling pleasure around me though.

 

[filthyrottendirty]

Nah, I've gotten used to it. Hate when other people are feeling pleasure around me though.

Me too

 

[Snake of Eden]

. I come home from work and lay in my bed pretty much for the remainder of the day.

exactly what i do

 

[Beached_whale]

I can experience pleasure but have no motivation or energy or hope... No "spark"

 

[PeacePlease]

I've had anhedonia as a side affect after taking antidepressants. I stopped 2 years ago and I'm still struggling. Sometimes I feel a bit like doing some things I used to enjoy but I can't get myself to get in motion or or it is really hard, I have like no motivation. I also feel like I'm not myself, I'm very apathetic too. Sometiemes I feel like I will never recover and that there's no point in living this empty life. The crazy thing is that I can't even gather the motivation to get the things I need to cbt. But I dont ever stop thinking how much I want to go. Recently I've been scared about afterlife too I'm scared mu pain will not end by just ending this life

 

[Lost Magic]

I found this guy talking about it. I think it may help some of you, including me. At least for now.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I guess I've got some anhedonia. I've given up on life altogether. The gap between my crappy circumstances and what I would need my life to be is insurmountable so I feel no use in trying. All the things that once gave me great pleasure Are either unavailable to me or a reminder of when life was more hopeful and enjoyable. I used to love music- Performing and listening to it. Now It just reminds me of how empty my life has become… Why CTB is inevitable and necessary.
All that said, put a delicious meal in front of me and I would gladly eat it.

 

[dyingalone123]

Brain fog is also horrible. Imagine not sleeping for more than 2 hours a day and you'd body aches along with brain fog. You want to die by then. Wish I had the courage then but my SI was too strong. Add in ahedonia - I'll really want to die then.

 

[healthrecovery]

Anhedonia vs brain fog...i take brain fog over anhedonia any day

 

[ddd1234]

Brain fog is also horrible. Imagine not sleeping for more than 2 hours a day and you'd body aches along with brain fog. You want to die by then. Wish I had the courage then but my SI was too strong. Add in ahedonia - I'll really want to die then.

Ahedonia, ruminating, brain fog, total insomnia even with pills and regrets - that's my reality now. And people are surprised when I am talking about suicide.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Ahedonia, ruminating, brain fog, total insomnia even with pills and regrets - that's my reality now. And people are surprised when I am talking about suicide.

Feels like a "sick day" that has gone on for months. And no recovery possible.

 

[Adamd1992a]

My reality too. I have ways to exit. But the dumbass that I am just smokes crack all day. Even though it feels like the next hit will kill me.

Tldr. Don't smoke crack. It will make EVERYTHING unenjoyable. Forever.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

My reality too. I have ways to exit. But the dumbass that I am just smokes crack all day. Even though it feels like the next hit will kill me.

Tldr. Don't smoke crack. It will make EVERYTHING unenjoyable. Forever.

I guess it's not possible to OD on crack? You probably have access to heroin or other drugs? Is it not possible to intentionally OD on something like this?

 

[Adamd1992a]

Yes you can OD on it. But very difficult and expensive. Combining both in a pin though is VERY dangerous. I did a few a month ago and ended up dead for over a minute. I wish they didn't wake me up.

Didn't know a thing about it. Just laid down on the floor and boom. Next thing was paramedics in my face. My friend gave me CPR.

I don't use heroin regularly.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Yes you can OD on it. But very difficult and expensive. Combining both in a pin though is VERY dangerous. I did a few a month ago and ended up dead for over a minute. I wish they didn't wake me up.

Didn't know a thing about it. Just laid down on the floor and boom. Next thing was paramedics in my face. My friend gave me CPR.

I don't use heroin regularly.

Yes I'm guessing it's highly unpredictable and therefore not the best way to intentionally end your life.
A friend of mine ODed Many years ago, but I think the circumstances were that he had quit and then went back to using but used to much.. A typical situation, from my understanding.

 

[Adamd1992a]

It's so easy to use too much wgen injecting. You'll just feel lovely. Then you're done. Scary and likely my.way to CTB.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

It's so easy to use too much wgen injecting. You'll just feel lovely. Then you're done. Scary and likely my.way to CTB.

Yeah that's a sound ideal really. Do you think it's a method that many people use? Nobody even talks about it on this forum ever.. Seems far more amenable than any other method except for N.

 

[Adamd1992a]

Probably. But not documented. Easily accessible I guess. And you can get clean needles from the pharmacy for free. Overall what. £40 you're a gonner.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Probably. But not documented. Easily accessible I guess. And you can get clean needles from the pharmacy for free. Overall what. £40 you're a gonner.

I've never tried heroin. That would be a project in and of itself. I'd Probably get beaten up or robbed trying to score :)

 

[Adamd1992a]

Nah. Never had any issues scoring. They'll be somewhere in your home town where people congregate. But I don't wanna suggest it as a metyjod. Just sharing experiences

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Yep. Right down by the beach. Would Take me about 10 minutes to find somebody.

 

[ddd1234]

I think I don't have total anhedonia. I am at least motivated to spend time here and chat with people about suicide. That's something.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I think I don't have total anhedonia. I am at least motivated to spend time here and chat with people about suicide. That's something.

I still have some pleasures as well… Jogging past so many homeless people, I still appreciate having a roof over my head, peace and quiet, access to food and a hot shower- Some friends checking in from time to time even if I don't want to talk to them … this forum … It's the only thing I can really read and digest this point… The rest of the world is moving too quickly… There is too much money and success out there and just makes me feel terrible