Venting Am i the only one who feels like this?

[dontwakemeup]

I left my doctor's office today and started crying, I'm exhausted with being sick. A lady noticed I was crying and she stopped me and gave some biblical false promises that life will get better. I thanked her but when someone is crying and upset that is not the time to offer false promises of a future of happiness and all this God stuff! As I was driving later I noticed this large mass of water. It was mild traffic and I thought, "Can I pull this off quickly if I run and jump in?" I just kept imagining myself doing it. Then I thought, I'd never be able to pull this off because some pro-lifer will be determined to jump in and save me and it's too many cars and people.
Am I the only one who have these active thoughts when you see large masses of water? Just curious.

 

[Apathy79]

Think it would be very difficult to pull off even if there was no-one there and you had all night. Drowning is tough. In the car though maybe?

 

[Dejected 55]

Sometimes when I'm driving in my car and feeling depressed I start looking at bridges, especially ones over water, and thinking it might be good to drive right off the edge.

 

[dontwakemeup]

Sometimes when I'm driving in my car and feeling depressed I start looking at bridges, especially ones over water, and thinking it might be good to drive right off the edge.

That's me! The feeling is so overwhelming!

 

[Dejected 55]

I'll never do it because I don't want to drown... that seems like it would be torture on top of torture... but the thought pops into my head and the second thing I think after that is how I really shouldn't drive when I am that depressed.

 

[VargosMelon]

I left my doctor's office today and started crying, I'm exhausted with being sick. A lady noticed I was crying and she stopped me and gave some biblical false promises that life will get better. I thanked her but when someone is crying and upset that is not the time to offer false promises of a future of happiness and all this God stuff! As I was driving later I noticed this large mass of water. It was mild traffic and I thought, "Can I pull this off quickly if I run and jump in?" I just kept imagining myself doing it. Then I thought, I'd never be able to pull this off because some pro-lifer will be determined to jump in and save me and it's too many cars and people.
Am I the only one who have these active thoughts when you see large masses of water? Just curious.

I totally get that about those "false promises," when I'm feeling my worse I don't wanna hear that stuff, because they don't know what's next. Also, yeah, recently I was having thoughts of just going to a bridge of ending it. I also had thoughts of getting caught in a riptide to make it look like an accident. I do *hope* that things get *better*, or at least you get a moment to breathe, rest from the grind of life. Is there anything you like to do to cope?

 

[knickknack81]

Sometimes when I'm driving in my car and feeling depressed I start looking at bridges, especially ones over water, and thinking it might be good to drive right off the edge.

Im in a similar vein. Not about driving off a bridge but hoping out and jumping off the bridge. I know id have to be quick so no one would try to stop me and they have made it difficult with barriers and nets to prevent this from happening, but those thoughts definitely have crossed my mind.

 

[blacksand]

I sit next to the open Pacific ocean most evenings thinking about life and I have never considered simply jumping in. I would however shoot myself in the head while standing knee deep in the water.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Usually, my active thoughts tend to pop up whenever I'm standing near traffic or when I'm high up somewhere, such as when I'm in a stairwell on the 4th or 5th floor, looking over the banister. I never act on them because:

1. They both come with the risk of my surviving and ending up permanently disabled
2. There is a huge risk of someone stopping me in both scenarios
3. If I do die, it likely won't be a quick death, but rather would be a slow and incredibly painful one

I also tend to have a lot of active suicidal thoughts surrounding hanging myself as well. Hell, sometimes it gets to the point where I think about using methods that I know aren't going to work, just because I'm desperate.

 

[madwoman8]

Def not, it's an intrusive thought - when I'm driving I have images of crashing my car or someone crashing into me, when I'm near a cliff I have images of jumping, I often having images of a gun to my head, a knife in my chest, drowning too, really all the ways to die I have regular thoughts and intrusive thoughts about. So you aren't alone and I am sorry for your pain

 

[SadGirl]

I left my doctor's office today and started crying, I'm exhausted with being sick. A lady noticed I was crying and she stopped me and gave some biblical false promises that life will get better. I thanked her but when someone is crying and upset that is not the time to offer false promises of a future of happiness and all this God stuff! As I was driving later I noticed this large mass of water. It was mild traffic and I thought, "Can I pull this off quickly if I run and jump in?" I just kept imagining myself doing it. Then I thought, I'd never be able to pull this off because some pro-lifer will be determined to jump in and save me and it's too many cars and people.
Am I the only one who have these active thoughts when you see large masses of water? Just curious.

Well, since I'm terrified of lakes, beaches, etc., drowning might not be my method. But that depends on the individual. Perhaps if you return at night or early in the morning, there might be little or no traffic or people in the area. But if you want to talk, are you sure you want to?

 

[dontwakemeup]

I totally get that about those "false promises," when I'm feeling my worse I don't wanna hear that stuff, because they don't know what's next. Also, yeah, recently I was having thoughts of just going to a bridge of ending it. I also had thoughts of getting caught in a riptide to make it look like an accident. I do *hope* that things get *better*, or at least you get a moment to breathe, rest from the grind of life. Is there anything you like to do to cope?

Thank you. I pulled over in a parking lot because I realized I wasn't safe on the road and was too emotional. I just cried it out and took a moment to breathe. Once I released that energy, I wiped my tears and decided I can't change anything today, but I don't have control over what my day will be. I plan to cook me a nice dinner, have some wine and relax. I have no coping skills, I just keep going. I do feel better from crying bur I'll just focus on today.

Usually, my active thoughts tend to pop up whenever I'm standing near traffic or when I'm high up somewhere, such as when I'm in a stairwell on the 4th or 5th floor, looking over the banister. I never act on them because:

1. They both come with the risk of my surviving and ending up permanently disabled
2. There is a huge risk of someone stopping me in both scenarios
3. If I do die, it likely won't be a quick death, but rather would be a slow and incredibly painful one

I also tend to have a lot of active suicidal thoughts surrounding hanging myself as well. Hell, sometimes it gets to the point where I think about using methods that I know aren't going to work, just because I'm desperate.

I can definitely understand and agree with you. I think it's great to know your triggers that increase your risk. Living us hard but dying is literally harder. Hopefully, we all will be out of here soon

 

[VargosMelon]

Thank you. I pulled over in a parking lot because I realized I wasn't safe on the road and was too emotional. I just cried it out and took a moment to breathe. Once I released that energy, I wiped my tears and decided I can't change anything today, but I don't have control over what my day will be. I plan to cook me a nice dinner, have some wine and relax. I have no coping skills, I just keep going. I do feel better from crying bur I'll just focus on today.

I can definitely understand and agree with you. I think it's great to know your triggers that increase your risk. Living us hard but dying is literally harder. Hopefully, we all will be out of here soon

Recently I have been just pretending I'm laying in my casket/coffin, it sounds silly -- it actually originated from me playing animal crossing new horizons. Basically I bought a track called gospel and it sounded like funeral music, it didn't help that my room in-game was moody (I had the lights off and only had a few candles, I never turn my lights on for some reason I love the lights off inside my virtual house). I would just lay my character on the bed in the middle of the room, pretending they were dead. I Recently tried this out at work irl, during my lunch break and when I got off (went somewhere somewhat hidden and isolated). I'm actually about to try again irl now.

Basically I would recommend, if you can, maybe try Animal Crossing New Horizon, a VR headset (I have a Meta Quest 2, which I love to use to just sit in the start up lobby) and or pretend your at your wake (lay completely flat, hands resting on your stomach with whatever music you'd want played at your funeral). All of this to say, perhaps a bit of escapism could aid you. Also I recommended these things because they can give you a virtual space you can edit and adjust to your liking, which could perhaps give you a semblance of control.

Thank you. I pulled over in a parking lot because I realized I wasn't safe on the road and was too emotional. I just cried it out and took a moment to breathe. Once I released that energy, I wiped my tears and decided I can't change anything today, but I don't have control over what my day will be. I plan to cook me a nice dinner, have some wine and relax. I have no coping skills, I just keep going. I do feel better from crying bur I'll just focus on today.

I can definitely understand and agree with you. I think it's great to know your triggers that increase your risk. Living us hard but dying is literally harder. Hopefully, we all will be out of here soon