Story Am I really weird and disgusting?

[Gaga786]

My apologies for even mentioning this here, but I have no other place to ask this without being invalidated, gaslighted and treated unfairly.
So I am gay.
But there is something different about me, I am attracted to older men rather than men my same age(im 20), particularly fathers,For instance, I might not be attracted to a person, but the moment I find out that the person is a father and is preferably a father to a son, I find him attractive

. I have had this issue since the beginning, for instance, I would be watching cartoons, while I was very young, deliberately where it shows a father and son relationship( Goku and Gohan in dragon ball Z) or videos on YouTube like a father surprising his son or playing with him. I sort of felt euphoric and curious. I liked watching that and wishing at the same time that I also receive that sort of bond and affection

The moment I even open up about this issue to the countless therapists and my parents, I am often told its just a phase and that im confused or I might not be gay and instead maybe straight and that its all in my mind or that its not important( they say this because being gay is punishable by death in my country and against our culture and religion . I feel it is important because it contributes to my suicidal ideation.I would rather die but feel like this all my life

I have tried so hard to think differently and change myself, but it just doesn't fade away because I know it's not normal, but I just feel so broken and wounded. I really want a few answers, as to why am I even like this, but I can't find them at all. Maybe it could be that I didn't receive any fatherly affection in my life and my body craves that, but it's still no excuse. I am so disgusted with myself. Is there any way I can change this ?

 

[Rational man]

This Country you live in must have very low human behavioural tolerances compared to western countries1?. Who is judging you ?, because I too and many people I know have behaviours that many people would find intolerable.

 

[Aergia]

I'm sorry to hear about your circumstances. Islamic state? No good therapist would be this dismissive of a patient. Like you say, their religiosity is probably clouding their judgment.

There's honestly nothing shameful or immoral about what you're into, and so there's nothing to be disgusted at— many people out there are into far more questionable things. There's a reason the term dilf exists. And you can't control what you're into, so it's not your "fault" regardless.

Hoping you will find peace <3

 

[Gaga786]

I'm sorry to hear about your circumstances. Islamic state? No good therapist would be this dismissive of a patient. Like you say, their religiosity is probably clouding their judgment.

There's honestly nothing shameful or immoral about what you're into, and so there's nothing to be disgusted at— many people out there are into far more questionable things. There's a reason the term dilf exists. And you can't control what you're into, so it's not your "fault" regardless.

Hoping you will find peace <3

Yes. It's an islamic state. Thank you, it does mean a lot.

This Country you live in must have very low human behavioural tolerances compared to western countries1?. Who is judging you ?, because I too and many people I know have behaviours that many people would find intolerable.

Thank you

 

[ReversedNthTerm]

No

 

[k1w1]

Get to a Western country, you'll be as popular as all hell with older gay men. You are not that unusual.