MentalStefan
Loser
- Jul 3, 2022
- 265
Hello everyone,
I can't ask this question neither to any of my online friends, nor even my boyfriend. Straight to the heart of the case.
I am 23-year-old man who struggle with anxiety, depression and autism. I've had suicidal thoughts since the age of 8. I'm a drug addict and I drink a lot (however therapist said that I wasn't addicted to alcohol yet but I would fall into this if I keep drinking recklessly). I used to be an incel but I left that community when more and more misogyny started to come out. Hating somebody for the gender/sexual orientation/race etc. is wrong. It's something I simply refuse to be involved in. Tbh I even like LGBT and/or leftists' community. They also struggle with being rejected by hateful society, also gaining knowlegde about various people's preferences and identities is simply satisfying. Thanks to them I finally stopped being ashamed of myself and came out as a femboy. Yes, I love cross-dressing and looking cute. Feminine men has always impressed me. I have looked up to them and their bravery in being who they want to. I started to think if I am hetero for sure and I identified myself as gynosexual (into any people who has feminine traits).
However, I never had any girl- or boyfriend and I wondered how to get one. Suddenly I met an autistic man who was very similar to me. He also likes femboys, however he prefers to look masculine. We quickly made friends with each other. Then he asked me if I could be his boyfriend... I agreed but deep inside I wasn't sure. I was too scared to tell him the truth because I really didn't want to make him feel bad and/or lose my friendship with him. I really love him but... not romantically. I also don't feel sexual attraction to him. I just consider him a really, really good friend. Nothing more. I let him cuddle and kiss me but I always refuse when he wants to have sexual activities with me... I don't know if I am a bad person. After all I lie to him and pretend to have the same feelings as he towards me. However I will finally tell him the truth. I am very afraid he won't want to be my friend anymore but... I can't lie anymore. I hurt myself and him.
Edit: I know this post is very chaotic so let me put a fact clear: I didn't inform him that I don't feel neither romantic nor sexual attraction to him. I have been too scared. I am just afraid that if he finds out he stops being a friend.
Would you consider me a bad person because of that? I don't know if what I did is very cruel or just a misunderstanding... Am I manipulative? Am I a psychopath?
I can't ask this question neither to any of my online friends, nor even my boyfriend. Straight to the heart of the case.
I am 23-year-old man who struggle with anxiety, depression and autism. I've had suicidal thoughts since the age of 8. I'm a drug addict and I drink a lot (however therapist said that I wasn't addicted to alcohol yet but I would fall into this if I keep drinking recklessly). I used to be an incel but I left that community when more and more misogyny started to come out. Hating somebody for the gender/sexual orientation/race etc. is wrong. It's something I simply refuse to be involved in. Tbh I even like LGBT and/or leftists' community. They also struggle with being rejected by hateful society, also gaining knowlegde about various people's preferences and identities is simply satisfying. Thanks to them I finally stopped being ashamed of myself and came out as a femboy. Yes, I love cross-dressing and looking cute. Feminine men has always impressed me. I have looked up to them and their bravery in being who they want to. I started to think if I am hetero for sure and I identified myself as gynosexual (into any people who has feminine traits).
However, I never had any girl- or boyfriend and I wondered how to get one. Suddenly I met an autistic man who was very similar to me. He also likes femboys, however he prefers to look masculine. We quickly made friends with each other. Then he asked me if I could be his boyfriend... I agreed but deep inside I wasn't sure. I was too scared to tell him the truth because I really didn't want to make him feel bad and/or lose my friendship with him. I really love him but... not romantically. I also don't feel sexual attraction to him. I just consider him a really, really good friend. Nothing more. I let him cuddle and kiss me but I always refuse when he wants to have sexual activities with me... I don't know if I am a bad person. After all I lie to him and pretend to have the same feelings as he towards me. However I will finally tell him the truth. I am very afraid he won't want to be my friend anymore but... I can't lie anymore. I hurt myself and him.
Edit: I know this post is very chaotic so let me put a fact clear: I didn't inform him that I don't feel neither romantic nor sexual attraction to him. I have been too scared. I am just afraid that if he finds out he stops being a friend.
Would you consider me a bad person because of that? I don't know if what I did is very cruel or just a misunderstanding... Am I manipulative? Am I a psychopath?
Last edited:
