Venting Am I morbid?

[Space Mushroom]

I feel so weird. I can't take this constant crying or self-pity I'm so sick of it it's been 16 CONSTANT years of this and I can't stop it. I've tried to get help twice by going to hospitals and nothing works. Is it wrong that I want to be persuaded into suicide? I keep thinking about my family and boyfriend and that's all I can think about…it's stopping me. I just want to be at peace.

 

[N33dT0D13]

I feel so weird. I can't take this constant crying or self-pity I'm so sick of it it's been 16 CONSTANT years of this and I can't stop it. I've tried to get help twice by going to hospitals and nothing works. Is it wrong that I want to be persuaded into suicide? I keep thinking about my family and boyfriend and that's all I can think about…it's stopping me. I just want to be at peace.

idk if it's wrong but it's incredibly relatable. I'm sorry you're feeling like this.

 

[fatladysings]

Sixteen years is a long time to suffer, I'm sorry you've had to go through it. You are not alone. I have been resisting suicide since the age of fifteen or sixteen and I'm now fifty one. It's my mum who is keeping me alive. I'm trying to hold on until she dies.

I know you said you can't take the constant crying - have you tried any medication for depression? Meds can be surprisingly effective. I have schizoaffective disorder, which is schizophrenia mixed with bipolar disease, and without medication I would, like you, be crying all the time too. I went on to my current antipsychotic and antidepressant about six or seven years ago and have gone from crying my eyes out every other day to not crying for years - literally years. That's some badass meds. Im not saying you need an antipsychotic but you might need an antidepressant.

It's sad for you to want to be persuaded into suicide but in this forum I don't think you'll find people trying to persuade you to kill yourself. People in here will support you with whatever decision you make but they tend not to actually persuade you to ctb, the actual decision to go ahead with it or not is yours alone.

 

[Space Mushroom]

Sixteen years is a long time to suffer, I'm sorry you've had to go through it. You are not alone. I have been resisting suicide since the age of fifteen or sixteen and I'm now fifty one. It's my mum who is keeping me alive. I'm trying to hold on until she dies.

I know you said you can't take the constant crying - have you tried any medication for depression? Meds can be surprisingly effective. I have schizoaffective disorder, which is schizophrenia mixed with bipolar disease, and without medication I would, like you, be crying all the time too. I went on to my current antipsychotic and antidepressant about six or seven years ago and have gone from crying my eyes out every other day to not crying for years - literally years. That's some badass meds. Im not saying you need an antipsychotic but you might need an antidepressant.

It's sad for you to want to be persuaded into suicide but in this forum I don't think you'll find people trying to persuade you to kill yourself. People in here will support you with whatever decision you make but they tend not to actually persuade you to ctb, the actual decision to go ahead with it or not is yours alone.

I'm on cybalta as an antidepressant but I am very on and off with my meds. It is a sad thought but ur right it is my choice to make and my choice alone so maybe that was a dumb question looking back seems pretty obvious.

 

[offbalance]

It all comes down to whether you think you're capable of and want to get better, I'm still trying to figure out the answer to that question myself. like another person said meds might be effective. Good luck

 

[fatladysings]

It wasn't a dumb question, you are being very hard on yourself, it was just a question.

Maybe you could think about staying on your meds for a couple of months to see if you feel any better, cos with most psychotropic meds you need to be on them for a while for them to have any effect. If you are on and off the Cymbalta you aren't giving it enough time to build up in your system. I'm not going to suggest to you that the meds will stop you being suicidal, I just mean that they may help, and if they help your despair even just a little bit then it's worth giving them a shot.