Am I just jealous, or is she being insensitive

[lovelydeath]

I talked to my friend today about how i was suicidal because I didnt have any friends and our friendship was one sided. She said she cant make time to text me first. I asked if she was okay today cause she implied she was still having problems sometimes and i was genuinely worried. She said it was a great day today. I asked how so and she said she was on the phone with her boyfriend and binged netflix with her friend. Is she being purposely insensitive? or is that only my jealousy speaking?

 

[loneliness0]

There is two parts to this -

1) When someone says they don't have time for x, they saying it not important enough to them. Clearly for her priority today is watching netflix and talking to her bf, not saying it good or bad as I don't think it something to villanaise someone about but people make time for what is important to them.

2) Having only one friend puts lot of pressure on relationship and this person as they cannot be yours everything.
It very understandable it hard for you to make friends and this relationship is very big deal for you. However finding new people to talk might release some of pressure of this relationship and maybe allow you find friendship who is not one sided.

 

[pole]

i don't necessarily believe it's you being jealous or her being insensitive.

it feels good wanting someone to vent to about our deepest issues, especially if it's a person close to you that you feel comfortable with. you aren't wrong for having that desire.

at the same time, i believe the other person is trying to enforce boundaries without outright telling you how they feel. like @loneliness0 mentioned above, it isn't important enough to them and that's okay. in addition, it's also them trying to hint that they cannot be that person for you nor should you expect them to.

it's hard to bottle everything up inside and not have an outlet. however, you have to also remember that these are people at the end of the day. topics of suicide and mental health problems are emotionally draining and exhausting. despite this collective sentiment of people encouraging those struggling to speak out about how they feel, as soon as they do, they're frequently shut down and abandoned.

when it comes to discussing suicide and mental health issues, most people do not have the capacity to meet your needs and shoulder the weight of your problems. many will never explicitly tell you either because it doesn't feel good and they're a person who does care about you. however, they are unable to be that person for you. they'll let you know this in indirect ways and it's best to respect that boundary. it's overwhelming when the conversation is mentally and emotionally tasking, and when a person feels that, they will naturally put themselves first by creating distance.

moving forward, you should be more selective about who you open up to, especially when it comes to suicide discussion and mental health problems. the majority of us are here on this forum because we've been pushed away. like I mentioned, people will distance themselves because it is overwhelming and they aren't well versed on how to handle both the emotions and what best to say.

this isn't to discourage you from opening up to people. but, it's important to make concerted efforts to choose the right people to open up to. understanding that type of someone is rare, and these topics are heavy and draining, which is problematic because many people do not have the emotional threshold to deal with such conversations.

nonetheless, you deserve a support system and those willing to listen to you. i believe you'll find people who do. in the meantime, it doesn't hurt to try talk therapy or seek other healthy outlets that involves you being able to be your own rescuer.

i hope you find peace.

 

[lovelydeath]

i don't necessarily believe it's you being jealous or her being insensitive.

it feels good wanting someone to vent to about our deepest issues, especially if it's a person close to you that you feel comfortable with. you aren't wrong for having that desire.

at the same time, i believe the other person is trying to enforce boundaries without outright telling you how they feel. like @loneliness0 mentioned above, it isn't important enough to them and that's okay. in addition, it's also them trying to hint that they cannot be that person for you nor should you expect them to.

it's hard to bottle everything up inside and not have an outlet. however, you have to also remember that these are people at the end of the day. topics of suicide and mental health problems are emotionally draining and exhausting. despite this collective sentiment of people encouraging those struggling to speak out about how they feel, as soon as they do, they're frequently shut down and abandoned.

when it comes to discussing suicide and mental health issues, most people do not have the capacity to meet your needs and shoulder the weight of your problems. many will never explicitly tell you either because it doesn't feel good and they're a person who does care about you. however, they are unable to be that person for you. they'll let you know this in indirect ways and it's best to respect that boundary. it's overwhelming when the conversation is mentally and emotionally tasking, and when a person feels that, they will naturally put themselves first by creating distance.

moving forward, you should be more selective about who you open up to, especially when it comes to suicide discussion and mental health problems. the majority of us are here on this forum because we've been pushed away. like I mentioned, people will distance themselves because it is overwhelming and they aren't well versed on how to handle both the emotions and what best to say.

this isn't to discourage you from opening up to people. but, it's important to make concerted efforts to choose the right people to open up to. understanding that type of someone is rare, and these topics are heavy and draining, which is problematic because many people do not have the emotional threshold to deal with such conversations.

nonetheless, you deserve a support system and those willing to listen to you. i believe you'll find people who do. in the meantime, it doesn't hurt to try talk therapy or seek other healthy outlets that involves you being able to be your own rescuer.

i hope you find peace.

Great answer but Im confused about the important enough for them part. What isnt important enough for them? The fact that i want to commit suicide isnt important enough to them? Cause thats what I thought it was and why i believed it was insensitive at the time. I didnt say they didnt make time for me that day, we texted all day. Also how can I tell who I can open up to about suicide?

They didnt distance themselves because of suicide. I talked to them about suicide for the first time after they said they didnt have time to text me. Not directly after but that was the order of events in time.

 

[pole]

Great answer but Im confused about the important enough for them part. What isnt important enough for them? The fact that i want to commit suicide isnt important enough to them? Cause thats what I thought it was and why i believed it was insensitive at the time. I didnt say they didnt make time for me that day, we texted all day. Also how can I tell who I can open up to about suicide?

They didnt distance themselves because of suicide. I talked to them about suicide for the first time after they said they didnt have time to text me. Not directly after but that was the order of events in time.

you CTBing is a concern that is important for them. it would be of importance to anyone.

at the same time, CTB talk and discussions centred around mental health, especially suicidal ideation is heavy. for many people, it is difficult to deal with on top of their own problems because the emotions are strong and it is draining, but they also don't know what to say either.

when this happens, it's natural for a person to protect their mental well-being by putting themselves and how they feel first when they're feeling overwhelmed. we're then stuck wondering well what happened? why? are they just being insensitive? am I the problem?

in these situations, people will subtly pull away even when everything feels normal. on the other hand, this isn't fair to you. the problem in these cases is that people have horrible communication skills and would rather bottle up their emotions and be cold (not purposely) instead of being honest about they feel. you aren't a mind reader.

were you venting to your friend about personal issues prior to discussing suicide with her?

it's clear she's being dry. you're making an effort to care about her by asking questions, showing interest, while she's elsewhere. however, you mention she was having problems of her own. she never explicitly told you that they were still bothering her, but she implied it. perhaps she has too much on her plate and those personal problems of hers are having a deeper effect on her? maybe it isn't just you but also her and she's putting a wall when she feels overwhelmed and that's how she deals with her issues?

we don't know and again we aren't mind readers. if I were you, I would gauge how she feels and try to pinpoint why she's acting this way so I can better understand how to react and approach this. you care about her, so I would give my friend the benefit of the doubt and figure out exactly what has her feeling this way.

sniff out where her head is at by asking good questions about those problems she's dealing with, what's been happening, how she's handling it, etc. if she's opening up and it's going well, you can work towards asking whether venting and CTB discussing are overwhelming for her.

listen more, speak less. sometimes we get lost in our own troubles and forget that the other person we're venting to is real and has their own issues too. ask questions, listen, and you'll slowly get a good idea of why she's been acting this way towards you and what you can do moving forward.