Help Am I a masochist?

[Ilovemycats]

I had a therapy appointment the week before and this question been bugging me lately-

I harm myself for now around 2 years, and my therapist is trying to find out with me in which moments I do it so that we can prevent it or something. I do it mainly when i'm having a shitty day or when i'm on the verge of ctb but at times I simply do it. No reason at all, it's just makes me happier.

I'm not really fond of pain- to be honest i only like cutting myself, choking and being hit- anything that involves burns and such, I completely despise.. With cutting i like how it feels and how the scars look, i have the same with bruises, I like how they look- but does that make me a masochist? Not in a sexual manner atleast..-

It's also not like I harm myself everyday or something, I do it when i feel like it which is really random. But my therapist said that she doesn't fully understand this and I'm questioning myself as well now..

 

[telekon]

Do you enjoy being humiliated?

 

[Greasyhair]

This is hard conundrum and there are so many possibilities. My cousin used to cut themselves, and I think it was to feel anything else and to distract which the brain rewired as being good rather than genuine love of pain.

I myself don't self harm, but whenever I feel heart palpitations etc it hurts for moment, but then I get this surge of pleasure as I think is this it?