Venting All that's left is denial and CTB.

[Archness]

Every day I know better, every day I learn.
Every day I get more nihilistic, every day I grow more hopeless.

Every truth is a blackpill.
Every solution is an escape.

It maters not, nihil.
Fix, fix, fix, struggle, struggle.
But in the end, it was inevitable.

Is this supposed to be enjoyable? am I supposed to love this?
no.
Is this really the only way?
Because no matter what, there's always something wrong.
No perfection, means no value.

Only the excellent and gifted mean anything, only they have vale.
Where does that leave me?
Am I supposed to rely on "hard work"?
In a world like this?
As unreliable it is?
As unfair it is?

No.
I can't
I can't partake in such needless exercise
I'll be a loser regardless.

Lie and Cope all you want,
I see with my own eyes those making $$$ with no work at all,
Those making nothing working hard all day.

I think about working, then you look at me like human garbage.

I can be useless and unemployed.
I can be living garbage even when I'm working and living well.
I can fail to be special and gifted, because as much as you expect, demand, and deny, I'm not that.

It's just a game of loosing.
This world is pointless, I'm just here to loose and die one day.

I can't take it seriously,
I can't care,
I can't care about myself even.

One can only deny it all,
Unless you'll crumple up and die in sheer despair.

- - - - - - - -

Fuck you, mom. I try to work even as a janitor, even get into trades, and you can't help but insinuate that I'm fucking garbage?
Even a good job isn't enough, it needs to be prestigious, it needs to serve the ego somehow.

I just can't begin to demand so much of myself to be a surgeon or scientist.
I can't just grind a "career" all day not even making any real value, just playing pretend in the illusionary economy and continuing to construct this fake world

All that's really left to to loose and fail until I die for real.

 

[dragonofenvy]

Fuck you, mom. I try to work even as a janitor, even get into trades, and you can't help but insinuate that I'm fucking garbage?
Even a good job isn't enough, it needs to be prestigious, it needs to serve the ego somehow.

I just can't begin to demand so much of myself to be a surgeon or scientist.
I can't just grind a "career" all day not even making any real value, just playing pretend in the illusionary economy and continuing to construct this fake world

All that's really left to to loose and fail until I die for real.

Something I've really hated is how others expect so much from you, yet are never satisfied. They call you names and kill your motivation to do anything. And it's not even for you, it's so they can say that they have a child with a prestigious job title or a friend who is a doctor or a lawyer or whatever.

I really liked your post. I think it resonates a lot with people here.

 

[Archness]

ok.

Now rn, I'm particularly feeling a "need" to talk /w others online, if they're interested.

Let this be a... Conversation starter?

Sorry, autism really fucks me over in social aspects.
I'm outright DOOMED. It's over fr.