xinino
Anti humanist
- Mar 31, 2024
- 398
DivineMedicus
Vereor Nox
- Sep 7, 2020
- 242
Addendum: this is also why I am basically procrastinating to CTB, because you just cannot blunder it, or you are done for—and not in the good way.
Sounds like a fear of failure.
Failure can teach you, but that does not mean you should learn from failures. I also never understood why people tell you to fail (e.g., "You need to fail to succeed"). You can always learn from what went right instead...
Ambivalent1
🎵 Be all, end all 🎵
- Apr 17, 2023
- 3,279
I can relate to that! For me a lot of things are all or nothing.
etherealspring
can someone just kill me already
- Mar 27, 2024
- 272
i relate to this so muchh when im not good at something straight away i get hit with this empty feeling and i always give up / quit rlly easily
I'd like to contribute to society, even if I'm mentally screwed, but that's not gonna happen, so not really answering your question
Apathy79
Arcanist
- Oct 13, 2019
- 499
Yes I'm like this too. But I consider it a personal defect, not something to be proud of. It's hugely limiting. It can also lead to ego delusion. Here's how it goes:
"I want to be the best at x"
"This is how much work it will take, and you're still statistically extremely unlikely to get there"
"Fuck it then"
"I could have been the best if I tried"
Delusion. But even without that. Look at what happened to my tennis career. I spent all of high school dreaming about it. I got flogged in my first Challenger Tour tournament, and my 2nd. So I quit tennis altogether. Because if I can't be the best, why play at all. And I lost a fun activity that would have kept me fit and entertained for life because I couldn't be the best.
OK that's 25 years ago. What about now? Well how about the novel I'm writing. The amount of time it takes me to write a decent chapter is about 25 hours dedicated time. The amount of time it takes me to write an excellent chapter that I couldn't improve and am completely satisfied with, is about 500 hours dedicated time. So rather than writing the decent book to completion and then tinkering with it after it's finished until I'm reasonably happy with it and getting it out there so I can move on to the next thing, I've spent almost 2 years on 3 chapters. And here's the kicker. I put them up on Wattpad. The first drafts vs the final "perfect" chapters. The feedback scores didn't even improve that much. The huge difference to me just didn't translate to most people reading.
So it's a bad mentality when you apply yourself according to it and spend 1000s of extra hours on something that doesn't matter, it's a bad mentality when you delude yourself that you could have been the best if you applied yourself to it, and it's a bad mentality when you quit because you can't be the best and lose the beneficial activity. You lose every way with it.
theboy
Illuminated
- Jul 15, 2022
- 3,020
Zazacosta
Student
- Apr 29, 2024
- 101
I had this sort of mentality until I was about 20 years old. Then I realized that it is really painful for me to be the best in anything. And I moved to another sort of mentality.
I can be above-average without really to much effort in many things, and that is much more effective. I accepted that I can lose a game, but I can also a win 5% more games that I lose.
I hope you understand what I mean.
This however only is related to some activities. This does not relate to the life itself. In the life, I sucks.
sserafim
brighter than the sun, that’s just me
- Sep 13, 2023
- 9,013
The way I grew up I guess, and what I went to school for before I got very ill. Then that changed a lot of things of my perspective.
Zazacosta
Student
- Apr 29, 2024
- 101
I know one person who is "mentally screwed" but she helps the society much more than some "normal" people.
eatantz
I luv dolls
- Nov 4, 2023
- 560
It's awful I'm such a sore fucking looser. Any game or competition is like life and death with me, it's even worse since I'm awful at everything. Art is my biggest enemy, every piece I make is soul crushing because I want to be the best. In all aspects of my life I want to be perfect and l'll never be and that eats me up inside. Its painful, I wish I could just have fun :/
exzźy
the deeper the grief, the closer is God
- Apr 17, 2024
- 11
You're infinite, don't jail yourself by accepting you are limited. The limits you have are within your own mind. Break free from that jail and you'll see truly see how endless your potential is. (coming from the most insecure person who ever walked on this planet. If I could do it, then you shall do it too
derpyderpins
In the Service of the Queen
- Sep 19, 2023
- 1,861
Self-esteem - Wikipedia
Factors for low self esteem:
- Hypersensitivity to criticism with resentment against critics and feelings of being attacked
- chronic indecision
- fear of mistakes (read: fear of failure)
- perfectionism
- general negative outlook
- general defensiveness and irritability
- envy
The good thing is that there's a lot of room to feel better in general if you can work on that. It's good to care and be motivated, but accepting you are human could really help. This is a bit of a cheat, but if you lose a game, you can be the most humble by congratulating the other side. Being the most humble/modest can sound a little oxymoronic, but it will let you keep trying to be the best in a more healthy way to learn the habit of not letting losses upset you. In general, people would rather be around someone humble than someone who always wins, so you'd actually be even more the best.
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I think it's important not to deceive myself. For me, "it has to be perfect" is an excuse for doing nothing without having to admit that I'm afraid to take action. I'm afraid to take action because I anticipate getting triggered or feeling disappointed with myself.
lament.
the Immortal
- Jun 28, 2023
- 174
Yes, 100%. But I know I will never attain the level of perfection I want, so I never have the motivation to try. I will only feel worse once I inevitably fail - even if others say I have succeeded.
I was very hard working but because of my health issues I've been held back in many ways. It broke me seeing others progress while I simply declined.
Wallowed in that pain for a long time but then as I recoiled from the world, I started to do certain things not necessarily for the result but to indulge in the process. I realize, I don't need to be the best at a thing, I just need to enjoy doing that thing, because if I don't, whats the point of it?
Others' validation = fleeting vs my lasting enjoyment of a thing.
I am consciously ordinary and when I started studying again with that mindset, I enjoyed what I was studying. I saw the beauty in what I was learning and the experience wasn't painful or stressful but joyful.
I think for many, the thought of being ordinary is so frightening that we create these avatars & attempt to live up to it, killing ourselves in the process. It's so exhausting.
The more I had tried to be extraordinary, the more I got hurt. I'm a tiny speck, I'm not special. No one is. Rather than be in the rat race, I'll just watch the madness, feeling the breeze while I enjoy my cool drink.
At this point, where I'm not going to be here for much longer, I just want to be comfortable. My health, my body kicks me enough already, I needn't pile it on.
Instead of living a self centered life, feeling bad over lost potential, these days I attempt to be dispassionate about myself and instead passionate about what's around me.
Wallowed in that pain for a long time but then as I recoiled from the world, I started to do certain things not necessarily for the result but to indulge in the process. I realize, I don't need to be the best at a thing, I just need to enjoy doing that thing, because if I don't, whats the point of it?
Others' validation = fleeting vs my lasting enjoyment of a thing.
I am consciously ordinary and when I started studying again with that mindset, I enjoyed what I was studying. I saw the beauty in what I was learning and the experience wasn't painful or stressful but joyful.
I think for many, the thought of being ordinary is so frightening that we create these avatars & attempt to live up to it, killing ourselves in the process. It's so exhausting.
The more I had tried to be extraordinary, the more I got hurt. I'm a tiny speck, I'm not special. No one is. Rather than be in the rat race, I'll just watch the madness, feeling the breeze while I enjoy my cool drink.
At this point, where I'm not going to be here for much longer, I just want to be comfortable. My health, my body kicks me enough already, I needn't pile it on.
Instead of living a self centered life, feeling bad over lost potential, these days I attempt to be dispassionate about myself and instead passionate about what's around me.
