All or nothing mentality

[sserafim]

Does anyone else have an all or nothing mentality? If I do anything, I want to be the crème de la crème. Otherwise, I won't do it at all. I want to be exceptional. I can't stand being average or mediocre

 

[Jorms_McGander]

Yes I do and it's symptomatic of BPD in myself so I watch out for that kind of thinking. Because if I'm gonna be on Earth why the hell can't I enjoy a hobby and get a little better at it and then that's it. I improved something and that's all.

It's really hard to live that way but after identifying that I have black-and-white thinking patterns, I am able to function a bit better. Fewer explosions, mostly. Not really accepting of not being the best lol but I can participate in solo activities without worrying that somebody somewhere is already ten times better

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I struggle with this too and yet most of my stances and positions end up feeling more nuanced and gray as a result, but in an extreme way if that makes sense. Sometimes I get lost in the extremes between balance and imbalance. Even when I recognize I am thinking in black and white that just causes me to intensify it more.

 

[sserafim]

Yes I do and it's symptomatic of BPD in myself so I watch out for that kind of thinking. Because if I'm gonna be on Earth why the hell can't I enjoy a hobby and get a little better at it and then that's it. I improved something and that's all.

It's really hard to live that way but after identifying that I have black-and-white thinking patterns, I am able to function a bit better. Fewer explosions, mostly. Not really accepting of not being the best lol but I can participate in solo activities without worrying that somebody somewhere is already ten times better

Whenever I play a game or do anything, I want to win. I can't stand losing. I always felt so defeated when my character fainted in dungeons in Pokémon Mystery Dungeon. It felt like a personal humiliation. I also debate and argue with people to win. Criticism also feels like a personal attack me. I can't stand being criticized tbh

 

[ConfusedClouds]

I feel like even my emotions/feelings are all-or-nothing. General cluelessness/blankness or full speed spinning and overthinking and annoyance.

I can relate to struggling to accept 'best efforts' too when they aren't enough.

 

[sserafim]

I feel like even my emotions/feelings are all-or-nothing. General cluelessness/blankness or full speed spinning and overthinking and annoyance.

I can relate to struggling to accept 'best efforts' too when they aren't enough.

Usually I feel bored or empty, but I get really angry, annoyed and frustrated sometimes. Honestly, I want to be successful without having to put in any effort

 

[Yuina]

Everything is all-or-nothing. Either I am perfect or I am a failure.

 

[Adûnâi]

I can't stand losing. I always felt so defeated when my character fainted in dungeons in Pokémon Mystery Dungeon.

As chu8 once wisely said, to get better one has to hate sucking.

But the, what is the measure of failure and/or perfection? Can you even lose if you don't compare yourself to others? And considering how many gradations there are, it's not like it's difficult to find one aspect that you're the best at. Or one to keep improving at.

And if you're comparing yourself to the past you, you probably won't be disappointed? The numbers generally rise with time.

 

[derpyderpins]

I can't stand being criticized tbh

My b. I know I give you a hard time. You can always tell me to fuck off. I'll take no offense.

Whenever I play a game or do anything, I want to win. I can't stand losing. I always felt so defeated when my character fainted in dungeons in Pokémon Mystery Dungeon. It felt like a personal humiliation. I also debate and argue with people to win. Criticism also feels like a personal attack me.

I definitely have been that way, but I know it's because I care what other people think. Why do you think you feel that way if other people don't matter to you?

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

I'm like this especially when it comes to relationships with others. I either want you 100% in my life--talking everyday for hours, being eachother's priorities, being consistent and predictable, emotionally intimate and fully honest--or not in my life at all. I can't stand any kind of "casual" friendships where you just talk once or twice a week or something. I'd rather cut someone out of my life entirely than have something like that.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I myself would be happy if I could just be crème.

 

[sserafim]

As chu8 once wisely said, to get better one has to hate sucking.

But the, what is the measure of failure and/or perfection? Can you even lose if you don't compare yourself to others? And considering how many gradations there are, it's not like it's difficult to find one aspect that you're the best at. Or one to keep improving at.

And if you're comparing yourself to the past you, you probably won't be disappointed? The numbers generally rise with time.

For me, it's better to never have tried than to have lost or failed

 

[EmptyHeaded]

If I can't be the best at something, why live at all?

 

[sserafim]

My b. I know I give you a hard time. You can always tell me to fuck off. I'll take no offense.



I definitely have been that way, but I know it's because I care what other people think. Why do you think you feel that way if other people don't matter to you?

I also care about other what people think of me. Actually, I think I might even care too much. You exist in other people's perceptions of you. I want people to view me positively. Honestly, your whole life depends on it. To be successful, you need to be liked by other people

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Yes, I'm this way. Outwardly, I don't mind losing, besides I've seen what bad losers look like and wouldn't want to be that way anyway. However I rarely lose and I think I still don't like losing that much inwardly, because even if it doesn't bother me, I don't *want* to. Given the choice between winning, surrendering or throwing, I'll always play to win.

On the other end of that, I feel bad when I'm winning competitive games, because that means somebody else is losing. I'm a very remorseful person so, that probably change. It doesn't stop me from playing my best though. It gives me a slight preference towards single player games because it avoids the drama and jealousy of multi and even co-op games.

When I do something, I generally put enough effort in to be the best that I can be at that thing.

 

[Jorms_McGander]

Whenever I play a game or do anything, I want to win. I can't stand losing. I always felt so defeated when my character fainted in dungeons in Pokémon Mystery Dungeon. It felt like a personal humiliation. I also debate and argue with people to win. Criticism also feels like a personal attack me. I can't stand being criticized tbh

There's a lot of pathways to this kind of feeling and just because I identify with all of this very strongly doesn't mean you also have BPD.

I identify with this because it seems like you really struggle with being invalidated. The arguing and reaction to criticism is what really stands out to me. If you want to see a BPD explosion go back in time a few years and then invalidate me in an argument online and I will rage for days. Now I am able to walk away from situations like that because I understand I will not get the validation I am looking for from that interaction. But I still have a lot to cope with after an interaction like that.

It's a very pleasant thing about this community. That it's easy to get along with others, the moderators take me seriously even if they have to tell me that I am part of the problem it's always been gentle. That's important. I'm still here and I need human contact...

I think you are experiencing very human emotions. Maybe not the average, but the average person doesn't end up with emotions like this. You're doing a really good job using the skills you have to stay engaged with other people despite the fact that people are fucking difficult sometimes. You're here letting it out. Great job!

 

[Ironborn]

I get frustrated when I put 100% into something just to get blown out of the water by someone with a natural talent.
I'd really like to know what that is like, I've never just been "good" at something.
I have to work my arse off just to be mediocre haha.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I get frustrated when I put 100% into something just to get blown out of the water by someone with a natural talent.
I'd really like to know what that is like, I've never just been "good" at something.
I have to work my arse off just to be mediocre haha.

If I had to describe what I think it's like, being naturally talented is like playing for fun. This is when you're so good at something you don't feel like you're consciously *trying*. You're just playing and winning naturally, and don't feel like a try-hard. I can't speak for how it feels with everything, but that's how it feels if you're good enough at a game, or some other hobby or niche.

So it's just playing for fun but you just happen to also win. So if you watch someone and they're playing a game or doing something else but they're also smiling the entire time and not concentrating that intently etc, they might be naturally talented.

You can still try hard and have fun though.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I sometimes myself having this mentality when it comes to a lot of things and it's a really bad mentality to have. Most people aren't exceptional and even exceptional individuals are only exceptional in one or a few specific areas. Failure is an important part of growth and is something that we all have and need to experience in order to truly better ourselves. You will always be mediocre or average at certain things. That is something that applies to all of us. You can't excel at everything and that's okay. Failure and mediocrity are normal and healthy.

 

[derpyderpins]

I also care about other what people think of me. Actually, I think I might even care too much. You exist in other people's perceptions of you. I want people to view me positively. Honestly, your whole life depends on it. To be successful, you need to be liked by other people

Very relatable answer, and accurate.

To get people to like you, though, I recommend learning what other people value. One can be seen very positively and be very well-liked by liking others first and by listening to others. Just smiling and body language can matter a great bit.

 

[Red Moon]

I'm like this when it comes to COD or online games, I hate losing and I always want to win and do my best for the team. Fighting games I just avoid because there's something about those that's humiliating when I lose.

I sometimes won't try because I feel I'm going to fail.

 

[destinationlosangel]

Hello Sserafim.... THIS IS ME!!!! TO A FUCKING T

I'm extremely hard working so If i cant get what I want, I'd rather die.

 

[sserafim]

I sometimes won't try because I feel I'm going to fail.

Same. I'd rather not have tried than to have failed. I think that I have a fear of failure

Hello Sserafim.... THIS IS ME!!!! TO A FUCKING T

I'm extremely hard working so If i cant get what I want, I'd rather die.

I was hard working in school and college

 

[Throwawayacc3]

Does anyone else have an all or nothing mentality? If I do anything, I want to be the crème de la crème. Otherwise, I won't do it at all. I want to be exceptional. I can't stand being average or mediocre

There's a difference to wanting it all and trying to get better to get that "thing" or whatever it is. I got really good at golf (never played before) in the space of 3 years but I looked around and saw people coaching who played as a kid - the struggle and comparison aspect was extreme. I think it's more down to the autism, OCD, perfectionism side to try and constantly get better and excel - we'd have a machine that measures ball speed, swing speed, angle of attack, point of contact, smash factor, etc. Anyways it's was too time consuming and the money ran out (business dead).

Now I don't do anything so don't give a fuck about anything. I realised things were getting fucked up when I went to Spain and I reverted back to my "child self" which was go to an animal sanctuary and bring food and just spend time. Couldn't care less about any sports or materialistic shit - ironically got into golf for exercise and because you get left the fuck alone on the course for 4/5 hours in nature lol.

Edit: that was my last "thing" if you want to call it that before everything got obliterated. So no more trying now. I just play games (older ones) and sometimes do art. Watching the crows jack hammer the bird feeder to get seeds is really impressive. I was wondering how they were emptying it so fast but I saw it today lmao.

 

[karmaisabitch]

Does anyone else have an all or nothing mentality? If I do anything, I want to be the crème de la crème. Otherwise, I won't do it at all. I want to be exceptional. I can't stand being average or mediocre

Cognitive distortion!

 

[Z-A]

"You know, my dad always used to say, 'Whatever you do, do it 100%. When you work, work. When you laugh, laugh. When you eat, eat like it's your last meal.'" - Tony Lip (Viggo Mortensen), Green Book

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Doctors would call it "dichotomous thinking". It's a common trait in suicidal people.

 

[Goghni]

"Perfectionist with low self-esteem".

 

[MBG]

Does anyone else have an all or nothing mentality? If I do anything, I want to be the crème de la crème. Otherwise, I won't do it at all. I want to be exceptional. I can't stand being average or mediocre

Only read OP. The problem is that this sort of thinking leads to procrastination. How to counter that? Think "anything worth doing is worth doing poorly." The task/job probably does not have to be done perfectly, so just doing it satisfactory is sufficient. (Anything beyond that is actually wasteful.)

Be done with it and move on. Don't stress over it. Don't give molehills chances to become mountains. The mundane tasks in life are obstacles to overcome, not works of art or poems.

 

[DivineMedicus]

Yeah, that's pretty much my approach to most things to a T. I don't buy the bullshit that 'failure' is supposed to teach you and help you bolster your chances at something. The truth is that life punishes failure (often severely), and you're better off not playing the game in the first place because the losses are just not worth it. First impressions... first attempts... they cannot be mediocre. Anything else is just copium.