• New TOR Mirror: suicidffbey666ur5gspccbcw2zc7yoat34wbybqa3boei6bysflbvqd.onion

  • Hey Guest,

    If you want to donate, we have a thread with updated donation options here at this link: About Donations

BlackDragonof1989

BlackDragonof1989

Mage
Jul 12, 2018
526
Sorry to be a party pooper but my mom died of complications of alcoholism at the age of 67 a few years ago. I have the same personality as her, addictive and all, but scared of alcohol. Really want to see what it's all about though xD

But yes, her stent started to malfunction in her liver that they had put in in the early 2000s, and they said she was too frail to operate, at first she wanted to go home, then I got angry with her, made her want to die, when the morphine kicked in in the retirement home she was at least not in physical pain. Last I remember her being conscious was watching an episode of the Rifleman with her on my laptop there, it was a favorite of hers when she grew up. I abandoned her in her final days, though she was unconscious by then (funny thing is the eyes need muscles to stay closed so they stayed open ever so slightly as her body shut down). She basically drowned in her own fluids as not even paracentesis every few days could help, her little 5 foot frame bloated up 30 pounds in a matter of days.

But! She never got stretch marks, I am a fairly big boi and have them all over my body. She was smaller, but so much stronger than me! Said that none of her babies hurt when she had them, she believes an angel visited her each time she was pregnant. I think I may have mental damage due to being the last born and her body fairly wrecked by 39 when she had me in 1989. And perhaps my time is soon too. Premonitions, predictions, and so on. DXM may only open a portal to a realm I do not understand, or it may all simply be biochemical. But as surely as there is sentience in my body at this time and place where I was born, there is something more. Too many coincidences too. But I may just by psychotic *yawns*

Yeah, I want to try some vodka and get properly drunk at least once in my life though. xD
 
Last edited:
Dead_Inside

Dead_Inside

Wizard
Jul 2, 2018
622
Hey I usually don't drink, my mom would kill me if I did, but what do you recommend me to get really drunk? I need to change my brain chemistry so I can hang myself
Hahaha .... well I am going to say vodka (I need a sponsorship) but if you want to get well and truly fucked try something like everclear ... look for high alcohol %. But be careful. I realized I can't actually hang myself when I drink too much. Hanging is more complicated than just throwing back a bunch of pills.
 
Nzbeelover

Nzbeelover

Student
Jul 1, 2018
100
I am not addicted to alcohol but i mix once or twice a week vodka and diet coke mixed with xanax.
I like to drink because i like self harm i do also self mutilation only in winter so nobody can see it.
Are you saying you like the feeling of selfharming when your drunk? Because sometimes when I'm pretty far gone i selfharm it feels good to me in a sick way. I can drink and drink and drink until i pass out. I feel a sense of anxiety every time I reach for the first drink. .. bc I know o shouldn't drink and I'm scared about what I might say or do but there's a little part of me that still wants to drink.
 
Meena

Meena

Student
Jun 7, 2018
138
Are you saying you like the feeling of selfharming when your drunk? Because sometimes when I'm pretty far gone i selfharm it feels good to me in a sick way. I can drink and drink and drink until i pass out. I feel a sense of anxiety every time I reach for the first drink. .. bc I know o shouldn't drink and I'm scared about what I might say or do but there's a little part of me that still wants to drink.
No i make self mutilation only when i am sober.
 
Meena

Meena

Student
Jun 7, 2018
138
Ok thanks for answering. I have been drinking everyday lately.. I've had a drinking problem for about a year

I see. Actually i do this cocktail once or twice a week. And only when i have xanax
 

Similar threads

stuck_here
Replies
2
Views
120
Suicide Discussion
LilysAngel
LilysAngel
F
Replies
33
Views
921
Suicide Discussion
karmaisabitch
karmaisabitch
T
Replies
1
Views
69
Offtopic
Scythe
S
JBFTM224
Replies
5
Views
214
Suicide Discussion
JBFTM224
JBFTM224