Venting Afraid to CTB

[2806]

I am scared of doing it because of not knowing what comes next. I have been very unfortunate in this life. I tried very hard to fix my life but failed to do so. Maybe because of this I am very negative. Even after dying I can face worse fate with worse reincarnation as insect or animal which lives very painful fate. My life is ruined. I social life, career are completely shattered. I can't survive in this life.
I have been procrastinating from three days. I am scared to do it. My method is partial. If it was SN or some OD I would just take the drink or OD without thinking about anything. I wont have SI. I have tried benzo OD( some years back, there was no SI, but it doesn't work), I also did hang myself accidently not willingly while testing and got found out. I know hanging can be painless after few seconds but just not able to do it. Maybe fear of what to come next. I know I have to do it. Just can face it.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be a dreadful situation, I'm sorry you suffer so much in this cruel existence, I really wish it's not so difficult to permanently cease existing. But anyway best wishes.

 

[sos]

if you're thinking about what happens once you're no longer alive, then you've got your focus on the wrong thing and you're overthinking way too much

even then, no one knows what will happen. we can all believe in something, but nothing is for sure

whatever we become (or don't become) after our current life, we won't be aware of it

 

[Randy Savage]

I'm sorry that you have to go through this. Losing everything is certainly one of the worst things you can be put through in this life.
Take a deep breath, spend some time collecting your thoughts, and make a decision. Perhaps your feelings of reluctance stem from wanting to move forward and keep trying, deep down.
Best wishes and good luck with your journey.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I really don't understand how you can be afraid to ctb because, as you say, you're afraid of "what comes next", yet you, also, say that you've attempted ctb previously, although failed, and you further state that if you had SN, or some other drugs to OD on, that "(you) would just take the drink or OD without thinking about anything". These statements all seem irreconcilable to me.