Discussion AE Ordered

[persepexa]

So I ordered my AE from an online pharmacy. They're reviewing my order before they send it so hopefully that goes okay. All going to plan I could CTB as soon as next week. Not sure how I feel tbh. But it feels like the correct decision, even if it makes me sad that I got here.

The AE I found is Prochlorperazine btw.

 

[hell toupee]

So I ordered my AE from an online pharmacy. They're reviewing my order before they send it so hopefully that goes okay. All going to plan I could CTB as soon as next week. Not sure how I feel tbh. But it feels like the correct decision, even if it makes me sad that I got here.

The AE I found is Prochlorperazine btw.

I hate getting accused as a "pro lifer" as if that's an insult or something so I'm only offering my perspective.

Disclaimer - I support everyone's right to do with their life what they feel is best. Full stop.

However, if you are unsure, I really think you should maybe take a step back. The decision to ctb is no small decision, and as you know it's irreversible. Unless someone is absolutely certain that this is what they want, I really think it's a mistake to go through with it anyways.

In fact, many people have a sense of relief once they have what they need to ctb. It gives them more confidence and encouragement to at least give life another go, because if worse comes to worst, you can always fall back on it.
it.

I had a buddy I met here who I was communicating with via DM. Once he was satisfied he had what he needed to peacefully ctb, this motivated him to just take a chance and try and mend his relationship to his parents. This then started snowballing and he felt better about himself. Even if those relationships weren't perfect, he felt better about himself just for trying. He then decided to start exercising and losing weight. I now rarely talk to him, as I had suggested that if ctb was no longer at the forefront of all of his thoughts, he didn't need to keep coming back here and reminding himself of ctb.

I hear from him occasionally now, and it's usual a positive message about how never in his wildest dreams did he think he would be able to turn things around and lift him out of the crippling depression he suffered from. All because he was able to secure his ctb materials. He said it gave him a cushion, that should things ever get too horrible again, he knew in the back of his mind that he would have a way out.

You got this.

 

[persepexa]

I hate getting accused as a "pro lifer" as if that's an insult or something so I'm only offering my perspective.

Disclaimer - I support everyone's right to do with their life what they feel is best. Full stop.

However, if you are unsure, I really think you should maybe take a step back. The decision to ctb is no small decision, and as you know it's irreversible. Unless someone is absolutely certain that this is what they want, I really think it's a mistake to go through with it anyways.

In fact, many people have a sense of relief once they have what they need to ctb. It gives them more confidence and encouragement to at least give life another go, because if worse comes to worst, you can always fall back on it.
it.

I had a buddy I met here who I was communicating with via DM. Once he was satisfied he had what he needed to peacefully ctb, this motivated him to just take a chance and try and mend his relationship to his parents. This then started snowballing and he felt better about himself. Even if those relationships weren't perfect, he felt better about himself just for trying. He then decided to start exercising and losing weight. I now rarely talk to him, as I had suggested that if ctb was no longer at the forefront of all of his thoughts, he didn't need to keep coming back here and reminding him of ctb.

I hear from him occasionally now, and it's usual a positive message about how never in his wildest dreams did he think he would be able to turn things around and lift him out of the crippling depression he suffered from. All because he was able to secure his ctb materials. He said it gave him a cushion, that should things ever get too horrible again, he knew in the back of his mind that he would have a way out.

You got this.

I really appreciate this comment thank you so much. However I am not unsure in my decision, as I said in the post I know this is the right choice for me. It just makes me sad that I got here. I don't want to go too much into it as I have made many posts in the past. However my life is totally ruined. And I know many people on here say that and then you read their reasoning and they're just being dramatic but my life is genuinely ruined with no way back. It makes me so incredibly sad when I sit and think about how my life got to this point but it is 100% my fault. And I'm not going to CTB because I feel I "deserve to be punished" as I believe I already have been severely punished and I also don't believe death is a punishment really. It is actually more me not wanting to live with the consequences of my own actions.

I would have said I was pro-choice but ruining my life has actually made me realise how beautiful life is and if I could go back in time and change things I would never support suicide. But here I am. But I agree it is something to consider very carefully as it is not a decision that can be reversed so thank you I will bear that in mind.

 

[urgent]

I really appreciate this comment thank you so much. However I am not unsure in my decision, as I said in the post I know this is the right choice for me. It just makes me sad that I got here. I don't want to go too much into it as I have made many posts in the past. However my life is totally ruined. And I know many people on here say that and then you read their reasoning and they're just being dramatic but my life is genuinely ruined with no way back. It makes me so incredibly sad when I sit and think about how my life got to this point but it is 100% my fault. And I'm not going to CTB because I feel I "deserve to be punished" as I believe I already have been severely punished and I also don't believe death is a punishment really. It is actually more me not wanting to live with the consequences of my own actions.

I would have said I was pro-choice but ruining my life has actually made me realise how beautiful life is and if I could go back in time and change things I would never support suicide. But here I am. But I agree it is something to consider very carefully as it is not a decision that can be reversed so thank you I will bear that in mind.

I understand. I have to go I'm in terrible health and pain I am not doing well with seeing, typing and remembering. Each day is worse. I have a big lump in my esophagus today where yesterday it was just more painful. Anyway I don't know how to do bit coin or anything but I don't even know what AE is. Can you tell me and do I need to go to DH? I wish I had something now
I can't take the pain. I hope you find relief.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find peace from suffering, I wish you the best.

 

[Captive_Mind515]

I really appreciate this comment thank you so much. However I am not unsure in my decision, as I said in the post I know this is the right choice for me. It just makes me sad that I got here. I don't want to go too much into it as I have made many posts in the past. However my life is totally ruined. And I know many people on here say that and then you read their reasoning and they're just being dramatic but my life is genuinely ruined with no way back. It makes me so incredibly sad when I sit and think about how my life got to this point but it is 100% my fault. And I'm not going to CTB because I feel I "deserve to be punished" as I believe I already have been severely punished and I also don't believe death is a punishment really. It is actually more me not wanting to live with the consequences of my own actions.

I would have said I was pro-choice but ruining my life has actually made me realise how beautiful life is and if I could go back in time and change things I would never support suicide. But here I am. But I agree it is something to consider very carefully as it is not a decision that can be reversed so thank you I will bear that in mind.

You can still be pro choice, while loving life and being against suicide for yourself. It's more about respecting that other people might have a different view or different needs/circumstances.

 

[persepexa]

I hope you find peace from suffering, I wish you the best.

Thank you and I wish the same for you.

You can still be pro choice, while loving life and being against suicide for yourself. It's more about respecting that other people might have a different view or different needs/circumstances.

I completely agree. I know it's hypocritical of me to say I don't agree with suicide but think I should do it. That's not actually how I feel but I suppose I just see a lot of people who still have a lot to offer on this site just giving up on themselves. I suppose I am pro-choice in that I would never tell anyone on here what to do with their lives but I'm also pro-life in some circumstances because I do genuinely believe life is a beautiful thing and we should exhaust all our options before coming to that decision if that makes sense? I suppose what I'm trying to say, and I'm probably not saying it very well, is that it is probably the biggest decision anyone can ever make and one that will affect anyone who knows you and should be considered very carefully from all angles.

 

[Captive_Mind515]

Thank you and I wish the same for you.

I completely agree. I know it's hypocritical of me to say I don't agree with suicide but think I should do it. That's not actually how I feel but I suppose I just see a lot of people who still have a lot to offer on this site just giving up on themselves. I suppose I am pro-choice in that I would never tell anyone on here what to do with their lives but I'm also pro-life in some circumstances because I do genuinely believe life is a beautiful thing and we should exhaust all our options before coming to that decision if that makes sense? I suppose what I'm trying to say, and I'm probably not saying it very well, is that it is probably the biggest decision anyone can ever make and one that will affect anyone who knows you and should be considered very carefully from all angles.

Yeah I get where you're coming from. There's different types of pro-choice.

I don't like suicide, and death generally, I hate fact that it's even a thing we need to face.

But I don't see life becoming some perfect utopia anytime soon where we eliminate suffering or make everything fair/equitable. So I'm very much on the side of people being allowed to escape what is very often a bad deal. We shouldn't be trapped here against our will like prisoners, when we never even committed any crime. If you're suffering that's how it can feel tbh.

Anyway, best of luck with your exit. Hopefully everything goes your way.

 

[persepexa]

Yeah I get where you're coming from. There's different types of pro-choice.

I don't like suicide, and death generally, I hate fact that it's even a thing we need to face.

But I don't see life becoming some perfect utopia anytime soon where we eliminate suffering or make everything fair/equitable. So I'm very much on the side of people being allowed to escape what is very often a bad deal. We shouldn't be trapped here against our will like prisoners, when we never even committed any crime. If you're suffering that's how it can feel tbh.

Anyway, best of luck with your exit. Hopefully everything goes your way.

I don't think life is or ever will be a utopia. In fact I think it's the hard things in life that make the good things so good if that makes sense? I just wish I had that mindset before I got arrested and ruined my life.

Anyway thank you and I hope the same for you.