Discussion Advice on friends

[Fire&Ash]

Hey all. I need helpful advice and perspective. I have a childhood friend/cousin who I grew up with and maintained long distance friendship up until this year. She became engaged and I only found out through Facebook. When it came to invites, her mom (my aunt) called me to invite me but also to ask for help to set up everything. I feel hurt. I feel hurt because why didn't my friend call me or or text me she was engaged or call me to invite me herself? I feel like it's personal and I feel like she is dropping me for doing this. I feel like I would never do this. Also, the last time we talked she criticized my mom to my face but I feel angry at myself for agreeing with her. Her mom has a long history of drug use and such and I never held it against her and was always polite. I genuinely thought we were friends still but now im rethinking our whole friendship and wondering if she has always disliked me or resented me if she felt comfortable enough to talk about my mom to me. I called my sister and she said "well when was the last time you talked to her" and I said summer time (again when she made that comment) and she said you can send her a joking text sort of calling her out. I kinda feel like maybe I just shouldn't talk to this friend of mine I almost do t want to go to her wedding if I wasn't good enough to call

 

[Traveller12724]

Look it's completely understandable for you to feel hurt, you should feel hurt, but the fact that you feel hurt and you still call her a friend indicates clearly that you still have a lot of love for her. If she is really important to you and you want to fix your relationship, why not call her or take her out for coffee or lunch and confront her about everything, about how her not inviting you hurt you and how you feel like you guys have grown apart, and ask her what caused her to take that route with you. This will require a lot of vulnerability from you of course and who wants to be that vulnerable and have their ego take a hit, but that conversation may give you the answers you seek. Nobody wants to be vulnerable so sometimes you must take the first step and be the one to admit that this person is important to you and you would like to fix things or at least know why they treated you the way they did, so your mind stops obsessing over why

 

[Fire&Ash]

Look it's completely understandable for you to feel hurt, you should feel hurt, but the fact that you feel hurt and you still call her a friend indicates clearly that you still have a lot of love for her. If she is really important to you and you want to fix your relationship, why not call her or take her out for coffee or lunch and confront her about everything, about how her not inviting you hurt you and how you feel like you guys have grown apart, and ask her what caused her to take that route with you. This will require a lot of vulnerability from you of course and who wants to be that vulnerable and have their ego take a hit, but that conversation may give you the answers you seek. Nobody wants to be vulnerable so sometimes you must take the first step and be the one to admit that this person is important to you and you would like to fix things or at least know why they treated you the way they did, so your mind stops obsessing over why

I get what you're saying but I also feel like I'm in that situation where if I show vulnerability I'm almost giving her satisfaction or something. I feel slighted and wronged

 

[Traveller12724]

I so hear you, you feel slighted and wronged and therefore there is a part of you that wants to kind of punish her in some way and if you give in, you will be basically admitting that she is more important to you than you are to her, so you definitely have every reason to stick to your guns and not give her any satisfaction, but ask yourself do you really love her and would like not to lose her ? Are you okay with your relationship disintegrating ? If you are not, then being vulnerable yes will hurt your ego but it might show her that you care about her and she may be thinking that you don't care about her anymore and by you taking the first step, it may encourage her to open up as well, but of course a little bruise to your ego is the sacrifice to getting anywhere with her