Advice for Teen Caretaker? (AITA)

[wistfulness]

I'm a 19F and my dad is 77. He's had Parkinson's since I was 10 so it's hard for him to move around, remember things, etc. My mom died late in 2021. Since my family didn't have much support in our hometown, we moved to South Carolina in August 2022 since my dad has two other kids who live there.

I started college in Fall 2022 close to my dad's house so I could help in taking care of him. My twin sister and I are still his primary caregivers. We have an older sister and four half siblings, but they're all older with established lives and no time to look after him. Since my twin and I never really got the chance to go off after high school, we kinda got stuck with the job.

My dad just purchased a home down here, so we'll have a permanent living situation. However, I really miss the state I'm from and I wish I could move back there. I'm starting to look out at the rest of my life and I really don't see much of a point if I stay here. I'll probably just take care of my dad until he dies and by then I could be too jaded to want to do much of anything.

AITA if I move away to try and live a purposeful life back in my home state? It would be a huge adjustment for me but I don't have many other options. I really do not want to leave the responsibility on my sister alone and I know she will resent me for leaving for years. Yet I can't see myself living much longer solely for other people, no matter how much I love them.

 

[Deleted member 8119]

AITA if I move away to try and live a purposeful life back in my home state?

No. Your life, your choice. You don't have the obligation to stay for anyone, your life is solely yours and no one else.

It would be a huge adjustment for me but I don't have many other options. I really do not want to leave the responsibility on my sister alone and I know she will resent me for leaving for years.

Unfortunately, you can't have everything, but your sister decided to take responsibility, while you seem to really need a break.
Here is an important piece of info, you can't. So why the guilt then?

 

[bunny_brownie9]

not a similar situation, but my mother was a alcoholic and I was her carer until I had had enough and moved out when I was 19. I cut contact with her.

No one can tell you what to do or knows what's the best thing to do except you, but I would say that it's important to consider that it is your life and if you did choose to leave, it doesn't mean that you don't care or that you don't love them.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

I'm a 19F and my dad is 77. He's had Parkinson's since I was 10 so it's hard for him to move around, remember things, etc. My mom died late in 2021. Since my family didn't have much support in our hometown, we moved to South Carolina in August 2022 since my dad has two other kids who live there.

I started college in Fall 2022 close to my dad's house so I could help in taking care of him. My twin sister and I are still his primary caregivers. We have an older sister and four half siblings, but they're all older with established lives and no time to look after him. Since my twin and I never really got the chance to go off after high school, we kinda got stuck with the job.

My dad just purchased a home down here, so we'll have a permanent living situation. However, I really miss the state I'm from and I wish I could move back there. I'm starting to look out at the rest of my life and I really don't see much of a point if I stay here. I'll probably just take care of my dad until he dies and by then I could be too jaded to want to do much of anything.

AITA if I move away to try and live a purposeful life back in my home state? It would be a huge adjustment for me but I don't have many other options. I really do not want to leave the responsibility on my sister alone and I know she will resent me for leaving for years. Yet I can't see myself living much longer solely for other people, no matter how much I love them.

It depends if your mind is like a prison. Moving somewhere doesn't change your brain function/activity. It's not the same situation as you but when my partner left and I went to Spain to "start over" it was miserable. She came back but I was still a bit fucked up and the sanctuary and stuff helped but I still became a bit of shell. She left after the lease ended and had to come back to the UK. On another thread I said that im
Not sure if I would be content if I did manage to go back there - it's not with her and the 4 years we spent together. So what else am I meant to do.

So yeah - your situation isn't ideal at all but if you mind isn't well - change of situation might not be enough.

 

[wistfulness]

It depends if your mind is like a prison. Moving somewhere doesn't change your brain function/activity. It's not the same situation as you but when my partner left and I went to Spain to "start over" it was miserable. She came back but I was still a bit fucked up and the sanctuary and stuff helped but I still became a bit of shell. She left after the lease ended and had to come back to the UK. On another thread I said that im
Not sure if I would be content if I did manage to go back there - it's not with her and the 4 years we spent together. So what else am I meant to do.

So yeah - your situation isn't ideal at all but if you mind isn't well - change of situation might not be enough.

Thanks for this perspective - definitely eye opening. I really appreciate it :)