Help Advice for manic episodes

[savynavys]

I have, what's assumed to be BPD but never diagnosed, and my bf caused me to split when I was already in a bad area. Though I'm self aware I'm not mentally well, it hasn't stopped and the awareness just makes it feel 1000x worse. I relapsed on self harm for the first time in awhile and I've blocked and gotten rid of contact with close friends (Who I constantly asked helped from but was always ignored) and I'm stuck on where to go next. I just need someone who'll understand or want to talk to me somehow; someone who won't look over the shittiness inside me like how the other people have done. I was genuinly doing alright for a bit and I've hit rock bottom and it's suffocating me.
Someone please help I'm begging so bad.
Just say hi
Tell me your understand or something
I feel like I'm going insane