Hi everyone!
I suppose this thread is sort of to introduce myself.
I'm FV. Like many of you I've considered myself pretty hopeless for a while now. It's now a bit over 10 years since the time I started feeling like this. The thing about life is, sometimes it lifts me up, and I naively trust it's actually getting better, only to drop me down and hurt and disappoint me. It's a clear pattern at this point, and it hurts more each time.
I've flirted with the idea over the years. Now I feel like I know myself well enough to evaluate it.
A short while ago, I've come up with a plan.
I set myself a deadline.
If by a certain day next year I still feel as incredibly lonely and trapped, if life keeps treating me like shit, if I still feel like I'm wasting my time and nothing is improving - then I'll go through with it and end it.
Otherwise, if I can look back and actually say things got at least a little better, or if love proves to exist for me after all, I'll keep on living.
I'll have to carefully evaluate how this whole year went, on the day of the deadline.
I have to say I liked this idea from the moment I thought of it (tho I don't know if it's original). I'm giving life one last chance. In the meantime, I can go on and live. I can freely live without too much worry. After all, if I fuck things up or end up badly regretting something, it's all gonna end in less than a year anyway. I'll be honest, I do find some comfort in that idea.
I plan to come back here every once in a while and report how it's going. If things improve, if I'll have gained some confidence, if i get scared the closer the date approaches, if I decide on the method and the specific plan. How my decision crystallises as the year goes by. Basically I'll be posting my thoughts on the whole process.
Hopefully, this will be (at most) the last year of this suffering either way!
FV
I suppose this thread is sort of to introduce myself.
I'm FV. Like many of you I've considered myself pretty hopeless for a while now. It's now a bit over 10 years since the time I started feeling like this. The thing about life is, sometimes it lifts me up, and I naively trust it's actually getting better, only to drop me down and hurt and disappoint me. It's a clear pattern at this point, and it hurts more each time.
I've flirted with the idea over the years. Now I feel like I know myself well enough to evaluate it.
A short while ago, I've come up with a plan.
I set myself a deadline.
If by a certain day next year I still feel as incredibly lonely and trapped, if life keeps treating me like shit, if I still feel like I'm wasting my time and nothing is improving - then I'll go through with it and end it.
Otherwise, if I can look back and actually say things got at least a little better, or if love proves to exist for me after all, I'll keep on living.
I'll have to carefully evaluate how this whole year went, on the day of the deadline.
I have to say I liked this idea from the moment I thought of it (tho I don't know if it's original). I'm giving life one last chance. In the meantime, I can go on and live. I can freely live without too much worry. After all, if I fuck things up or end up badly regretting something, it's all gonna end in less than a year anyway. I'll be honest, I do find some comfort in that idea.
I plan to come back here every once in a while and report how it's going. If things improve, if I'll have gained some confidence, if i get scared the closer the date approaches, if I decide on the method and the specific plan. How my decision crystallises as the year goes by. Basically I'll be posting my thoughts on the whole process.
Hopefully, this will be (at most) the last year of this suffering either way!
FV
