A week after my attempt. Still The mental torture is unbearable.

[FadingSnowFake]

Thank you. I try to sit on my deck. I live on a pond and all the trees around it have changed their leaves into the beautiful foliage of autumn. I appreciate the beauty of nature. I don't know wtf is wrong with me.

It's not you. It's life that happened. I don't know, but if it was me, I'd think of a reset. Have you tried dropping the meds, going back to basics without chemicals? You love nature, and appreciate the small things, right? If there is anything or anyone you would miss if you are no longer here, what or who would that be? Maybe focus on that, something that would keep you going if it wasn't for everything else that is wrong.

To me, the company on this sh*tty road is also more important than the journey or the destination. It sounds like you still have a lot to give, and want to give. There are people who feel the same about you. The age bracket we are in doesn't make it easier, but with more road behind us, I think it gives a different perspective on what matters and the experience gained wasn't for nothing.

I hope you can find that something to bring you peace inside, whatever that may be and whichever way that may lead going from here. All the best

 

[divinemistress36]

Psilocybin is my last option . Have you looked into that?

 

[unluckysadness]

I wish you peace or a miracle if God exists. My last option would be ayahuasca but ONLY if the shaman is okay to shoot me if it goes wrong and if I lose my mind. Of course nobody will do it. In a perfect world, our heart should stop beating if we suffered too much and if we need to leave. If only euthanasia was legal everywhere. Human rights hum... If I must reincarnate, I hope being a pet so I can die peacefully with N. Pets are so lucky, they don't overthink. Being human and sick is just hell.

 

[telekon]

Psilocybin is my last option . Have you looked into that?

Psilocybin increases your brain plasticity temporarily so if you're planning to go that route, be ready to actively make changes in your life and start new healthier habits after you do it. This will build new pathways in the brain and can be effective but it takes work.

 

[Kitsune_BCN]

Exactly. Ive been taking K and the antidepressant effect is explosive in me (because neuroplasticity too) but because im bedridden and nothing really changes, the effect wears off in a few days. Same for psylocibin.

The high is cool and its nice to be depression free for 3 days, but after this u.fall into the hole again

 

[Markisloggingout]

It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place when people care about you and can't bear to lose you so you have to stay for them but at the same time you are literally dying to leave.

 

[Fall_Apart]

t's very scary putting the noose around your neck then getting into position while it tightens up around you. I had it pretty tight and I just closed my eyes and prayed to loose consciousness asap. I kept thinking of all the other people that have done this so I wouldn't chicken out. I would say for me I was more sad than scared though.

Gotcha. I agree, it's so sad. Anyway have you had any visible marks on your neck, or are you now having neck pain?

 

[lilies.in.heaven]

I'm so sorry for your failed attempt.

I wish you find your peace, as soon as possible.

Trust me, you aren't alone, tho it may feel like it, you're not.

Yes, she is. Stop making stuff up.

She was alone in the woods during the attempt and she is alone now.

The only thing I dare to say, is that she finds her peace asap.

Now, saying she isn't alone when I don't know ANY of the people in her life, including her? Nah. That would be crazy.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I'm so sorry for your failed attempt.

I wish you find your peace, as soon as possible.

Yes, she is. Stop making stuff up.

She was alone in the woods during the attempt and she is alone now.

The only thing I dare to say, is that she finds her peace asap.

Now, saying she isn't alone when I don't know ANY of the people in her life, including her? Nah. That would be crazy.

It's probably in your best interest to worry about yourself! My comment wasn't intended nor directed towards you, so please excuse yourself from my comments! For anyone to come on a suicide app and try to initiate an argument is a waste of time. I don't engage with negativity. I'd rather drink bleach

 

[TheHolySword]

I'm so sorry to hear everything you are going through. I failed an attempt last night. All day I've been sitting in this hotel room, thousands of the same thoughts buzzing around in my head. I don't know what to do. I hope we can find our peace one day.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I'm so sorry to hear everything you are going through. I failed an attempt last night. All day I've been sitting in this hotel room, thousands of the same thoughts buzzing around in my head. I don't know what to do. I hope we can find our peace one day.

I'm sorry to hear that. Waking up alive is such a horrible experience! It's already a difficult decision to decide to ctb, then to fail is horrible! There are so many emotions associated with a failed attempt. I hope you have someone you can be with during this time. I had my friend spend the night with me because it was too much! I'm so sorry for you! Sending you a virtual hug and kisses Rest up and try to figure this out tomorrow.

 

[NegevChina]

I tried partial in the woods last Sat night for hours. I just never lost consciousness. Here I am a week later, nothing has changed except I've been thinking about it more, bad idea! The horrificness of finding my body, police taking pictures of me dead for investigation. Having a loved one have to identify me from a body bag. Being in the morgue naked on a cold steel table. My suicidal urges are high tonight. I had to take xanax to calm down. I'm currently curled up in a ball in my bed with my dog. I don't want to die. I need to die. I am just so mentally ill. I've never heard of anyone being this bad. My brain is so sick. My mom stopped by to check on me today and horrified by what she saw. I look worse than a homeless person. She begged me to take a shower. I just can't do it. She was crying and telling me how many people love me. None of it matters when your brain is this sick. I never imagined mental illness could ever be this bad. I just want to die peacefully in my bed...wishful thinking.
I don't know what I am going to do. I am still here completely tortured every second of the day.

I truly understand how you feel. Ifeel so sick in my brain and its getting worse. Nothing feels normal, the lighting, the smell of food, the interaction with people, wearing clothes, sleeping. I want it to be over tonight, never wake up, i cant even cry for my kids any more, theyre 24 and 19. Talking to my wife feels like talking to a stranger. I want it to end so much. Im feeling worse from day to day. I must CTB soon, get ghe courage and do it no matter what happens, brain damage or not.

 

[User111885]

It's very scary putting the noose around your neck then getting into position while it tightens up around you. I had it pretty tight and I just closed my eyes and prayed to loose consciousness asap. I kept thinking of all the other people that have done this so I wouldn't chicken out. I would say for me I was more sad than scared though.

Last seen Friday. I hope you're doing alright. You've always taken such a rational and sensible approach to depression and I've always admired your knowledge, common-sense, and willingness to keep trying to fight the battle. If you are gone right now, I feel like you died from depression and not suicide, as you really followed every medical direction by the book. Although I don't really believe in free will or the false dichotomy of disease-induced behavior versus voluntary choice, it really feels like you've tried so, so incredibly hard to do what is sensible to get better. I admire that about you. I've said that before, but it's true.