A warning about “opening up”

[missingpeace]

If anyone has seen my posts on here, I have openly admitted I would like to end my life due to my business failing after covid 19 , crippling debts and losing my self worth, self esteem, motivation and discipline. I am skint, losing my car, cant buy clothes and my wife pays (or in her words "forced ") to pay the bills. As a man/husband that kills me , after providing a good life for many years. I even funded my wife's business so she has the career she has now. I have simply lost the will to live. I hate life with a passion.

I have had a method in my mind for a while now and have it all set up ready to go when I finally feel ready, which I hoped was two weeks ago when my wife was away. (I planned on drowning myself) .Basically a delivery went to the wrong address and she put two and two together and figured out my plan. I was gutted.

I still have the materials I need to carry out my CTB, but because I probably opened up too much in the heat of arguments, she now uses that as a reason to use the terms "selfish ", "cowardly ", "ruin families lives".

It's almost become an open topic. Which I never wanted. Open dialogue as to how or when I may want to end my life.

If you seriously feel enough is enough for you, then my advice is to say as little to people as possible, because they simply just do not understand suicide if they are pro-life.

I am 100% certain I will end my life, because there is no coming back and being happy again, not with the way I feel about myself and the world/people in general. Im done!

I suffer every single day and I refuse to grow old in depression and poverty. No chance!!

I was once a great guy, had built a life, was looked up to and respected and always treated people with the utmost respect. But now I am struggling financially and mentally, people avoid me!!

Thanks for reading.

Much love

That's really unfortunate I guess you have to pretend everything is ok for awhile and reassess later. Yes you are right we should never speak about our plans to people. It kind of puts them in an awkward position as well maybe even legally. I hate that our society is still so backward in accepting people's choice to pass away. I would have really wanted my friends and family around whilst I take SN and wait for it to take affect just like in the end of life clinics. But unfortunately this won't be possible and I will have to do this alone.

 

[TimetoGo!]

Really appreciate everyone's positive comments and support on this post. This is a fantastic community. It really is.

Pretty much drank my weekend away, vodka soda's whilst feeling sorry for my own sad existence.

Ah well onto another stressful week!

Hope everyone is doing ok

 

[katsu]

Hey man you got this, stay strong. If you feel like your wife is draining your energy and emotions and being toxic (which she most clearly is), leave. You opened up about something so immensely serious and instead of being a form of support she makes it worse. You don't owe anyone, if anything she owes you for everything you've done, the least she could do is comfort you and understand what you're going through, otherwise you wouldn't be feeling the way you do if you had the proper support system. You're not the problem. If I could give you a hug I would, and make sure to do things that make you happy and find peace (not talking about CTB lol), and stay away from the shit that drains you, I know thats easier said than done but seems like at least you're still physically healthy and with that you can do so much. I really wish you the best, you deserve so much better and i'm sorry. If you ever wanna chat I'm here.

 

[mang0sp1der]

Damn dude, you sound like you've lived more life than I have. I hope you find peace—however that may be.

 

[Source Energy]

I am not trying to talk you out of your decision, but if I'd tell you how many times I've lost everything, got homeless, slept wherever I could and thought I'd die, you would be amazed. Each time I picked myself up and got back on my feet. If your reason is finances, you can totally build that up again.

Your self worth as a man is not defined by how much you earn or don't earn. You are not a human ATM - you are a person.

Also, a marriage is about mutual support and loyalty, not about the man being the donkey and the woman the rider in the carriage. I'm sure your wife understands and doesn't mind picking up the slack now that you are going through a rough time. Especially with you having paid for school and everything.
You made a commitment to your wife when you married her...especially if you have kids you owe it to yourself and to her to get yourself up.

I understand how desperate and overwhelming losing everything feels. I've been there.
But compared to most of us on here, I think you have a lot going on for you. Please think carefully, it is your life and your choice, but if you have love in your life, you can do anything.

 

[TimetoGo!]

Hey man you got this, stay strong. If you feel like your wife is draining your energy and emotions and being toxic (which she most clearly is), leave. You opened up about something so immensely serious and instead of being a form of support she makes it worse. You don't owe anyone, if anything she owes you for everything you've done, the least she could do is comfort you and understand what you're going through, otherwise you wouldn't be feeling the way you do if you had the proper support system. You're not the problem. If I could give you a hug I would, and make sure to do things that make you happy and find peace (not talking about CTB lol), and stay away from the shit that drains you, I know thats easier said than done but seems like at least you're still physically healthy and with that you can do so much. I really wish you the best, you deserve so much better and i'm sorry. If you ever wanna chat I'm here.

thank you my friend

I am not trying to talk you out of your decision, but if I'd tell you how many times I've lost everything, got homeless, slept wherever I could and thought I'd die, you would be amazed. Each time I picked myself up and got back on my feet. If your reason is finances, you can totally build that up again.

Your self worth as a man is not defined by how much you earn or don't earn. You are not a human ATM - you are a person.

Also, a marriage is about mutual support and loyalty, not about the man being the donkey and the woman the rider in the carriage. I'm sure your wife understands and doesn't mind picking up the slack now that you are going through a rough time. Especially with you having paid for school and everything.
You made a commitment to your wife when you married her...especially if you have kids you owe it to yourself and to her to get yourself up.

I understand how desperate and overwhelming losing everything feels. I've been there.
But compared to most of us on here, I think you have a lot going on for you. Please think carefully, it is your life and your choice, but if you have love in your life, you can do anything.

thank you for your words, and you make good points