Venting a victim complex and an addiction to self pity

[february in alaska]

It's not that I want someone to stop me from catching the bus, but I constantly fantasize about someone finding out just how dark it is in my head and feeling bad for me without the patronizing pitying thing. And that's not even justifiable, because my life really isn't that bad. It's one of the things I hate most about myself, and it makes me paranoid that I'm constantly manipulating everyone around me (which very well might be the case)

Probably just a massive case of a victim complex at work, but if I really am going to kill myself, if I really have self harmed so badly and for so long, if I really have made my pain "real", I feel like I am a victim somehow. Because people have so much more sympathy if you've been hurt or wronged or victimized rather than just being clinically insane. I don't want people to stop me or help me but I want them to feel bad for me, and that's just as pathetic as it sounds. It's even more pathetic because nobody does.

Self-pity is one hell of a drug. I know it makes me unlikeable as a person, it's not a particularly attractive trait to have, but it's so comfortable to drift away in.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Who's to tell you your life isn't terrible? You know you the best.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I think it's just a coping mechanism and I honestly wouldn't be too hard on yourself about this.

 

[sayonara_]

I very much relate to what you're feeling, esp the self pitying part. Waiting for someone to try and convince you to not take the bus, but nobody knows or cares enough to try.

 

[laylaN]

I don't want people to stop me or help me but I want them to feel bad for me, and that's just as pathetic as it sounds. It's even more pathetic because nobody does.

Felt.

It's a vicious cycle for me. I feel bad about how much life sucks, then I feel bad about self-pitying, then I self-pity some more about how nobody cares about me so I have to be my own emotional burden. It's exhausting

 

[Sylveon]

I can relate to each and every sentence of this post. And you know what's funny? All this occasionally crosses my mind, but I just push these thoughts aside since I don't wanna lose the only person who pities me (i.e., myself) :/.

 

[february in alaska]

Who's to tell you your life isn't terrible? You know you the best.

I think my life is only terrible because I'm the one living it. Like, objectively, I pretty much have it all. I'm not homeless, I don't have a chronic or terminal illness, I have parents who love me, I have opportunities and I have the resources to get help if I really wanted to. I appreciate the thought, it's just hard to feel like I have a valid reason for any of this

I very much relate to what you're feeling, esp the self pitying part. Waiting for someone to try and convince you to not take the bus, but nobody knows or cares enough to try.

It's a vicious cycle for me. I feel bad about how much life sucks, then I feel bad about self-pitying, then I self-pity some more about how nobody cares about me so I have to be my own emotional burden. It's exhausting

I'm glad not to be the only one but I know exactly how much this hurts, ugh. It's definitely a cycle for me too. The dumbest part of this whole thing is that if someone ever actually did reach out, I would probably push them away or convince them I was fine so I could still have CTB as an option. It would just be so nice if anyone cared enough to keep trying anyway

 

[Lookoutbelow]

It's not that I want someone to stop me from catching the bus, but I constantly fantasize about someone finding out just how dark it is in my head and feeling bad for me without the patronizing pitying thing. And that's not even justifiable, because my life really isn't that bad. It's one of the things I hate most about myself, and it makes me paranoid that I'm constantly manipulating everyone around me (which very well might be the case)

Probably just a massive case of a victim complex at work, but if I really am going to kill myself, if I really have self harmed so badly and for so long, if I really have made my pain "real", I feel like I am a victim somehow. Because people have so much more sympathy if you've been hurt or wronged or victimized rather than just being clinically insane. I don't want people to stop me or help me but I want them to feel bad for me, and that's just as pathetic as it sounds. It's even more pathetic because nobody does.

Self-pity is one hell of a drug. I know it makes me unlikeable as a person, it's not a particularly attractive trait to have, but it's so comfortable to drift away in.

Very insightful of you. I just say fuck it. We will never figure it out. We can't figure out life. We can't figure out ourselves. Every single person has a different perspective. No one will ever experience what you experience. It is impossible. We are alone in our thoughts.

 

[february in alaska]

Very insightful of you. I just say fuck it. We will never figure it out. We can't figure out life. We can't figure out ourselves. Every single person has a different perspective. No one will ever experience what you experience. It is impossible. We are alone in our thoughts.

I can't blame you. I feel that way too a lot of the times. Not being able to understand others is something I think I could live with, but when you can't even figure out yourself it makes being alone with your own thoughts a complete nightmare