Justso-tiredof-life
Barely legible
- Sep 18, 2023
- 8
In my last post I talked about a job I've hated since the day I've started there. Since then, I've looked for a new job constantly for the past (however months since that post). I still have my job that I hate because no one has gotten back to me or I straight up can't go. (My leave requests isn't accepted, I can't get the time off to go to interviews, etc).
I've taken sick leave also but I can't keep taking sick leave without some doctors note eventually. (And my doctor had told me before getting a note wasn't supposed to be an excuse for my day off of work, which was said to me when I was actually sick.) So I haven't been back there since.
I don't have much vacation time either, maybe three hours if it does get approved since everyone is taking off for the holidays during these months and they are not going to be accepting many more leaves for the remainder of the year.
I was thinking, maybe I could at least go to a community college, try for a scholarship or something even though I know it's gonna be expensive regardless of what I do. (I make 13$ an hour and probably wouldnt get FASA help since I live with my dad who makes much more then me and I am 21 with a car note that im trying to get paid off as quick as possible.) I'm trying, and for a while there I was gaining hope, some amount of happiness at the idea of starting something new. I'm not trying to climb the corpo ladder, I'm just trying to be somewhat happy with my life.
The job hunting started out great, I got a few interviews (all though two of them was suspicious and shady so I ended up not going to them) but then it fell off very quickly, I wasn't getting call backs and even when I did respond to messages I would then get ghosted at the time of the interview, my PTO had started to run out and I would get rejected over and over again.
I'm really exhausted and then I have to go back to my job and put a smile on my face otherwise my co worker would ask if I "hate them" which is extremely irrating because I don't hate all of them, I hate the job, the drive there, going home to feed myself and then repeating it all over again. My life is only revolved around work or my dad likes to remind me when I screwed up when I get home. "Not saving enough, not investing enough, etc". (I put 200$ or more into savings every paycheck.)
It feels like I've pulled myself out of my depression for a while and then got plunged right back into it all over again and today I was feeling extremely depressed and drained. Even started going back to my old sucide fantasies that I'm too scared to commit to. I well say, I'm no longer afraid of a lay off, but since one of my co worker's had went missing and a few of them simply stopped showing up or quit or is trying to quit by looking for jobs elsewhere, I now highly doubt they are going to lay anyone off.
I'm just at the point where I don't know what time do. I've revised my resume multiple times to try and appeal to as many companies out there. Even talked to a few family members about job openings and such. Still no luck.
I've taken sick leave also but I can't keep taking sick leave without some doctors note eventually. (And my doctor had told me before getting a note wasn't supposed to be an excuse for my day off of work, which was said to me when I was actually sick.) So I haven't been back there since.
I don't have much vacation time either, maybe three hours if it does get approved since everyone is taking off for the holidays during these months and they are not going to be accepting many more leaves for the remainder of the year.
I was thinking, maybe I could at least go to a community college, try for a scholarship or something even though I know it's gonna be expensive regardless of what I do. (I make 13$ an hour and probably wouldnt get FASA help since I live with my dad who makes much more then me and I am 21 with a car note that im trying to get paid off as quick as possible.) I'm trying, and for a while there I was gaining hope, some amount of happiness at the idea of starting something new. I'm not trying to climb the corpo ladder, I'm just trying to be somewhat happy with my life.
The job hunting started out great, I got a few interviews (all though two of them was suspicious and shady so I ended up not going to them) but then it fell off very quickly, I wasn't getting call backs and even when I did respond to messages I would then get ghosted at the time of the interview, my PTO had started to run out and I would get rejected over and over again.
I'm really exhausted and then I have to go back to my job and put a smile on my face otherwise my co worker would ask if I "hate them" which is extremely irrating because I don't hate all of them, I hate the job, the drive there, going home to feed myself and then repeating it all over again. My life is only revolved around work or my dad likes to remind me when I screwed up when I get home. "Not saving enough, not investing enough, etc". (I put 200$ or more into savings every paycheck.)
It feels like I've pulled myself out of my depression for a while and then got plunged right back into it all over again and today I was feeling extremely depressed and drained. Even started going back to my old sucide fantasies that I'm too scared to commit to. I well say, I'm no longer afraid of a lay off, but since one of my co worker's had went missing and a few of them simply stopped showing up or quit or is trying to quit by looking for jobs elsewhere, I now highly doubt they are going to lay anyone off.
I'm just at the point where I don't know what time do. I've revised my resume multiple times to try and appeal to as many companies out there. Even talked to a few family members about job openings and such. Still no luck.
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