I have been planning for the ctb for almost a year now. My family situation rather messy, and yet I can't help but feel for them knowing how it go for them. I have already left the home today although I'm not doing it right now. I'm thinking of taking 4 days and then do it in some hotel. I have left message saying I'm leaving for my own and I don't want to be here. Haven't mentioned anything regarding this as it would cause me a problem.
I don't want to do it in a hurry. I want to do it precisely and to have a successful ctb.
Thing is I'm coward of the worst kind. I'm not just scared about suffering and all from SN, but also from the aftermath of my CTB. I also am scared if I'm found out before I even have a chance to do it. I'm scared about how miserable it will be for them. It's such a messed situation. My emotions are all over the place. I'm trying to distract myself with phone, messaging here, YouTube, but none makes my attention divert.
Is there actually something that could take my mind out of this for hours? If you have any suggestions just hit me up.
I don't want to do it in a hurry. I want to do it precisely and to have a successful ctb.
Thing is I'm coward of the worst kind. I'm not just scared about suffering and all from SN, but also from the aftermath of my CTB. I also am scared if I'm found out before I even have a chance to do it. I'm scared about how miserable it will be for them. It's such a messed situation. My emotions are all over the place. I'm trying to distract myself with phone, messaging here, YouTube, but none makes my attention divert.
Is there actually something that could take my mind out of this for hours? If you have any suggestions just hit me up.
