BlueNikky
Member
- Apr 7, 2022
- 10
The light's fading already, but for maybe the last hour I have had the most well lit tunnel I've been in for what seems so long now. It felt so good I just needed to shout about it!
I'm trying to replicate the feeling now as it's disappearing fast.
It started with a disastrous day where I found out tomorrow (today now) was my Mum's 86th birthday and my messed up head couldn't process that fact, never mind that I'd forgotten it anyway. A little while ago though I spotted a card I'd bought for her birthday last year on the windowsill - as I didn't give other and the picture was nice.
So I've carefully cut out the "With Sympathy" words (she's been so worried for me this year, it wouldn't have been as funny as normally) and am gifting her all I can in words , with a couple of things that are special to me and one of them has helped get me through some of the worst before. I know she'll appreciate what is in reality pretty sh*t as gifts (not even an envy, lol). I was looking and thinking how pathetic when I realised how much she would get from it and actually smiled to myself. It was like a switch flicking and I've not had that for a long time now.
A few minutes later I pulled down a blanket that I used as a room divider to make smaller and warmer and couldn't stop looking at how big and light the place was again. The music playlist then decided it was the perfect time for "Amazing", directly followed by Queen with "Don't Try Suicide" - that stupid feeling of WTF, OMG and FFS with a silly grin felt so damn good I only hope you know it too.
Yeah, it's slipping and I'm thinking delete this, but no, that short time feeling like that again IS worth shouting about. I wish I could make that feeling and throw it through this post to you if you're struggling too. It's not much but an hour or whatever of total respite is worth it's weight in gold to me.
I hope something similar gives you a bit of the same insane happiness and peace soon and often. I will post this even though it sounds daft, it wasn't for me. Take care and best wishes for whichever path we follow - one day we will all find our own peace and happiness again
x
I'm trying to replicate the feeling now as it's disappearing fast.
It started with a disastrous day where I found out tomorrow (today now) was my Mum's 86th birthday and my messed up head couldn't process that fact, never mind that I'd forgotten it anyway. A little while ago though I spotted a card I'd bought for her birthday last year on the windowsill - as I didn't give other and the picture was nice.
So I've carefully cut out the "With Sympathy" words (she's been so worried for me this year, it wouldn't have been as funny as normally) and am gifting her all I can in words , with a couple of things that are special to me and one of them has helped get me through some of the worst before. I know she'll appreciate what is in reality pretty sh*t as gifts (not even an envy, lol). I was looking and thinking how pathetic when I realised how much she would get from it and actually smiled to myself. It was like a switch flicking and I've not had that for a long time now.
A few minutes later I pulled down a blanket that I used as a room divider to make smaller and warmer and couldn't stop looking at how big and light the place was again. The music playlist then decided it was the perfect time for "Amazing", directly followed by Queen with "Don't Try Suicide" - that stupid feeling of WTF, OMG and FFS with a silly grin felt so damn good I only hope you know it too.
Yeah, it's slipping and I'm thinking delete this, but no, that short time feeling like that again IS worth shouting about. I wish I could make that feeling and throw it through this post to you if you're struggling too. It's not much but an hour or whatever of total respite is worth it's weight in gold to me.
I hope something similar gives you a bit of the same insane happiness and peace soon and often. I will post this even though it sounds daft, it wasn't for me. Take care and best wishes for whichever path we follow - one day we will all find our own peace and happiness again
x
