Venting 8 months down the drain!

[Mx_Pathetic]

So I had gone 8 months of no self harm (cutting) however I had gone to the shops about 2 weeks ago and bought a bunch of blades incase I had the urge. Which to you guys might seem dumb but when I have blades I feel like I have more power over not sh myself where when I don't have blades the urge is stronger and so much worse, usually ending up in an attempt. However I was a little upset and thought to myself why don't I just test out the blades since I was in the head space anyways. I harmed myself by drawing a tiny smiley face on my thigh. It didn't satisfy me at all as I usually do deeper and bigger, however it helped enough for me to fall asleep so I didn't have to deal with my mentally ill brain. I don't seem to feel anything towards 8 hard months going down the drain, maybe it hasn't hit me yet because it wasn't extreme- I'm not to sure.

 

[juraviel]

bit offtopic but you do it because it releases endorphins right, why not go for a jog?

 

[Mx_Pathetic]

bit offtopic but you do it because it releases endorphins right, why not go for a jog?

Well I do it for a few reasons. Sometimes I can't even control when I do it but that's on a rare occasion. Most of the time I do it because I feel like I deserve it, sometimes it's to give into the urge of doing it again, sometimes it's a way of me taking out my anger. The odd occasion I dissociate and it's scary as shit.