+50 Peer Support Thread

[rainwillneverstop]

This is meant as a support thread, for those users who are 50+ years old.
Rules of the general forum applies.

 

[Anonymousa]

This is meant as a support thread, for those users who are 50+ years old.
Rules of the general forum applies.

Just to remind mods to add this to the list of megathreads in the "Peer Support Megathreads Compilation" as its not there yet.

 

[Redacted24]

Thanks! Looking forward to interacting with folks on here who are facing similar issues. Personally mine include the desire for an early exit but then there's stuff...elder care... loss of a friends support network... how to wrap up life neatly... divorce... job uncertainty...blah!

Thanks for setting this up!

 

[Rivermouse]

Well this is a thread and a subject I really wanted to see created. Thanks very much for doing this.

I am in my mid 60s in fact, slightly more than."50+", ha ha. I have no kids or family, and I'm going through a divorce from a much older man who has grown kids, my age and younger. It turns out that I don't seem to be going through a divorce with him, but with the kids, who are managing everything for him and paying for lawyers that he and I had agreed not to get.

Friends that I've had for almost 50 years drifted away in the last 10 or 15 years, or more maybe, involved more in their own families and worlds, and scattered across the country. I'm at a point where I keep in touch with only two friends, and I'm feeling very alone in the universe. About the only thing that stops me from CTB are my two small dogs who I love dearly, and who love me. I don't see much of a future for myself ageing alone. But I am unsteadily looking forward to moving away next month to a peaceful place where I know no one, and my soon to be ex-husband's kids cannot harass me.

It's hard to live without supports and without any vision of a better future. I find myself very much focussing on the moment, and just today, or just this morning. I'm glad I have the freedom to just go back to bed if things are feeling too hopeless. Also what helps a very tiny bit is that I now have all kinds of time for the solitary pursuits that I've always loved – reading, artwork, music. Peaceful things. When I was with my husband, all my time seemed to be doing things around the house or the yard, or taking care of him. I'm not going to miss that. But I miss the companionship very much. Back to being lonely, as I was before,I knew him.

Other people in their 50s and 60s, my kind of "peer group" as I view them, seem to have families, children, parents, neighbours – some kind of small community around them. But maybe I am idealizing that and assuming too much. Maybe other people are just like me, finding they have lost so much and now are surrounded by an emptiness in which there is only their own voice.

I try to think of positive things to pull me forward, and sometimes I can do that in small bits. But always, underneath, there is Plan B. And it beckons, and promises to solve everything. I am tired. So tired of trying to make things work in my life, or even just to have something to look forward to in the day.

Outside it is snowing, big flakes coming down. I am staying at someone's cottage until I can move away next month. There is a fire in the woodstove beside me and my dogs are cuddled on my lap.

If I had said that three years ago, I would have been over the moon happy. What a privilege! What a lovely way to spend the morning. But no, when my heart and my spirit have been so torn apart by these hurtful people and I have no one, it seems very hard to enjoy the small things, even though I can recognize that they're there. The icewater that has been poured into my soul makes it impossible, it seems, to connect.

 

[Thomas599]

I am 60 years old. I have no wife, no kids and I'm not very close with any of my siblings, so I have a pretty weak support system, certainly not anyone in my life who I feel that I can count on for support. I'm diabetic and suffering heart failure. I'm waiting to have open heart surgery to make the repairs that can be made, but I'm not even sure that I want to go through all of that. I have a job with good health insurance but my contract ends in July of this year, so I figure I might as well get the surgery while I have the insurance, even though there are pretty good chances that I'll end up CTBing soon after the surgery, especially if I can't find a new job. The surgery has been approved I'm just waiting for the actual date to be set. My best friend's birthday is May 2nd. We haven't been best friends for about two years now. I did some stupid things and he ended the friendship. I have thought that if I don't have a new job set by May 2nd and I'm done with the surgery, I may just CTB on that date... but who knows?

 

[Rivermouse]

I am 60 years old. I have no wife, no kids and I'm not very close with any of my siblings, so I have a pretty weak support system, certainly not anyone in my life who I feel that I can count on for support. I'm diabetic and suffering heart failure. I'm waiting to have open heart surgery to make the repairs that can be made, but I'm not even sure that I want to go through all of that. I have a job with good health insurance but my contract ends in July of this year, so I figure I might as well get the surgery while I have the insurance, even though there are pretty good chances that I'll end up CTBing soon after the surgery, especially if I can't find a new job. The surgery has been approved I'm just waiting for the actual date to be set. My best friend's birthday is May 2nd. We haven't been best friends for about two years now. I did some stupid things and he ended the friendship. I have thought that if I don't have a new job set by May 2nd and I'm done with the surgery, I may just CTB on that date... but who knows?

That sounds pretty rough, Thomas599. Not much support, major scary surgery, best friend gone, job ending. Woof. Must feel overwhelming. Hugs, my friend.

 

[ThisMortalCoil]

I'm a man in my early 50s. I got divorced about 5 years ago, after a 20 year marriage. I worked my ass off providing for my family, while my wife stayed at home - then after a year of frequent travel & stress at work, my wife told me with an hour's notice that she met someone and is leaving - leaving me with our daughter, dog, and all responsibility.

The past 5 years have been difficult; my work was demanding enough, then having to be the primary parent as well has led to too much stress, abusing alcohol, etc.

I was dating a woman for 3.5 years, and we got engaged - but the relationship was constant conflict & drama, so I ended it a few months ago after some extreme incidents. I don't have many friends nowadays (and my three closest ones died in the past few years), so my partner has always been my best friend. But being single now, I find it hard to motivate myself to try to meet someone new, and start all over again.

I worked so hard in this life, and always treated the women in my life greatly - and to be single now at this age sucks. It seems everyone else I know has spouse or partner (though statistically, there's obviously a lot of divorced people; I guess they just hide at home). And my daughter will be going away to college in a year and a half, then I'll be all alone.

Some days I'm doing good, but other days like today I'm very depressed and want to give up.

 

[Rivermouse]

I don't know, when I went through things like this when I was younger it seems like I bounced back a lot better. Now, being older, things seem much more hopeless. That makes it harder.

I'm not sure you're in a place where a new relationship is the answer. You have your daughter with you for another year and a half. Yes you've lost a lot, but don't lose sight of what you still have. And don't give up on yourself.

 

[Thomas599]

I'm a man in my early 50s. I got divorced about 5 years ago, after a 20 year marriage. I worked my ass off providing for my family, while my wife stayed at home - then after a year of frequent travel & stress at work, my wife told me with an hour's notice that she met someone and is leaving - leaving me with our daughter, dog, and all responsibility.

The past 5 years have been difficult; my work was demanding enough, then having to be the primary parent as well has led to too much stress, abusing alcohol, etc.

I was dating a woman for 3.5 years, and we got engaged - but the relationship was constant conflict & drama, so I ended it a few months ago after some extreme incidents. I don't have many friends nowadays (and my three closest ones died in the past few years), so my partner has always been my best friend. But being single now, I find it hard to motivate myself to try to meet someone new, and start all over again.

I worked so hard in this life, and always treated the women in my life greatly - and to be single now at this age sucks. It seems everyone else I know has spouse or partner (though statistically, there's obviously a lot of divorced people; I guess they just hide at home). And my daughter will be going away to college in a year and a half, then I'll be all alone.

Some days I'm doing good, but other days like today I'm very depressed and want to give up.

One of the sad realities of life is that the older one gets, the more difficult it is to make new friends, especially for men.

 

[Daphne]

in my 50's, can hardly believe it. I thought I'd be settled at this age. I tried so hard to reach my goals but have nothing to show for it. Now life seems harder the older I get. Like jobs. I alwsys worked until COVID. Now I can't get hired and it's my age. Retirement is several years away. How do we support ourselves until then?
And my support system has vanished My sister in law and brother, who was like my best friend, died a few years ago. Mother disowned me, only God knows why. I was always there for her and she pulls the plug the day my brother died? Heartless and cruel. Nephew in his own world and like most people his age hate old people. Friends are busy with their families. Making new friends has been impossible. No one likes old people unless they're rich.
Pretty much no reason to exist in my case.
Thanks for this space.

 

[dead dav]

I'm a man in my mid 60s I worked hard for 45 years I looked after my wife through serious illnesss putting my life on hold several times then I had a mental breakdown with all the stress I was under at work and in life I did something I'm not proud of and got in trouble with the police my wife left me no second chance withdrew support won't accept my poor mental health ( took me a while to accept I had a problem ) I have worked hard on myself but I feel it's not enough I wish I could just die and find it hard not to kill myself I have support from professionals thanks for reading

 

[Self Medicated]

I'm in my fifties and I don't know if it's more depressing or strangely comforting that I can relate to at least some of every one of those posts. My girlfriend and I never had kids, we have little contact with most of our families, thankfully we still have our mums. We have no friends and I have no siblings and now that my Mrs has had to resign we can't even afford a dog. The future is bleak and I really can't see a way forward. The cruel irony is it's always been me with the messed up head and after a year or so of seriously contemplating suicide I'd just decided I don't want to die. But now my Mrs is talking about dying and I reckon if she goes I'll have to follow because who wants to be lonely and homeless?
I wish you all luck and winning Lotto numbers. Money can't buy you happiness but it can get you a lot of lovely distraction.

 

[sanction]

Is there really a point to life, and to continue on after 50's??

Assuming you don't have anyone. No family, no friends, no spouse, or anyone to rely on, and of course while still financially struggling, along with declining health

All while there still being potentially some decades ahead, that needs to be survived and stressed about on-going

Is it realistically mainly just downhill from that point on?

 

[mistercarrot1]

Glad to find this thread. Was interested to read through what's already been posted.

Been out of work for 3+ years long time, living on savings. Never had a romantic relationship, and have very little in terms of relationships. I get a bit of help from my family of origin, but the bond is not strong.

I just feel like at just over 50 I would rather just exit than continue on. Unfortunately that is very difficult to do.

I've been contemplating calling those support or 988 lines (I'm in Canada, Ontario) and sometimes they do make me feel a bit better for a while but then it wears off. Also to have to spend time explaining my situation is really a bummer.

I suppose some people would look at my situation and say it could be worse. Of course it could be. But why am I required to stay here.

I don't know how this post helps or what I am looking for. Maybe a bit of support or encouragement. But to do what?

 

[itsgone2]

I don't know how this post helps or what I am looking for. Maybe a bit of support or encouragement. But to do what?

I've done the same. Sometimes venting just to vent. It's maybe comforting to know there are others out there, but then yeah, to what end?

Nothing changes. Life is still a joke

 

[Self Medicated]

Glad to find this thread. Was interested to read through what's already been posted.

Been out of work for 3+ years long time, living on savings. Never had a romantic relationship, and have very little in terms of relationships. I get a bit of help from my family of origin, but the bond is not strong.

I just feel like at just over 50 I would rather just exit than continue on. Unfortunately that is very difficult to do.

I've been contemplating calling those support or 988 lines (I'm in Canada, Ontario) and sometimes they do make me feel a bit better for a while but then it wears off. Also to have to spend time explaining my situation is really a bummer.

I suppose some people would look at my situation and say it could be worse. Of course it could be. But why am I required to stay here.

I don't know how this post helps or what I am looking for. Maybe a bit of support or encouragement. But to do what?

I don't know if I'm the right man to answer that last part but I'll give you my two cents and see what you think.
I'm not keen on living any more but I'm still too scared and angry to die. Put that together with all the people who have said they were glad their attempt failed (99% sure my cousin would have been in that group) and I guess the triumph of hope over experience is keeping me here. After all, if things can always get worse, theoretically they can also get better.

 

[U. A.]

Bumping this for the same reasons I bumped the 30+ support thread.

 

[ThisMortalCoil]

It's been over a year since my last post in this thread. My daughter was accepted to her preferred college, and she'll be leaving in August. Thankfully I've saved madly for many years to pay for her college, so along with additional contributions over the next four years, I'll have it covered. I'll miss her though when she's gone. As noted in my past post, about 5 years ago my wife walked out with an hour's notice, and left me with our daughter and dog, and I've been the primary caregiver since then - and it hasn't been easy.

I wrote some notes to myself a little earlier tonight:

I'm full of such pain. I feel unable to remember any good memories. And I feel I can't see anything to look forward to .

My memories of my marriage and my daughter before the divorce feel all tarnished and destroyed. And after the divorce, I tried to start again, find a new partner - and it was just more tragedy. It's been five years since meeting <redacted> and I tried for it to be a good, traditional relationship, but it's just been never ending conflict. And that conflict has just made the five years worse. So again, any good memories with my daughter over the past five years feel all tarnished and destroyed.

So when there are no good memories from the past, and nothing to look forward to in the future - what's the point?