+50 Peer Support Thread

[rainwillneverstop]

This is meant as a support thread, for those users who are 50+ years old.
Rules of the general forum applies.

 

[Namelesa]

This is meant as a support thread, for those users who are 50+ years old.
Rules of the general forum applies.

Just to remind mods to add this to the list of megathreads in the "Peer Support Megathreads Compilation" as its not there yet.

 

[Redacted24]

Thanks! Looking forward to interacting with folks on here who are facing similar issues. Personally mine include the desire for an early exit but then there's stuff...elder care... loss of a friends support network... how to wrap up life neatly... divorce... job uncertainty...blah!

Thanks for setting this up!

 

[Rivermouse]

Well this is a thread and a subject I really wanted to see created. Thanks very much for doing this.

I am in my mid 60s in fact, slightly more than."50+", ha ha. I have no kids or family, and I'm going through a divorce from a much older man who has grown kids, my age and younger. It turns out that I don't seem to be going through a divorce with him, but with the kids, who are managing everything for him and paying for lawyers that he and I had agreed not to get.

Friends that I've had for almost 50 years drifted away in the last 10 or 15 years, or more maybe, involved more in their own families and worlds, and scattered across the country. I'm at a point where I keep in touch with only two friends, and I'm feeling very alone in the universe. About the only thing that stops me from CTB are my two small dogs who I love dearly, and who love me. I don't see much of a future for myself ageing alone. But I am unsteadily looking forward to moving away next month to a peaceful place where I know no one, and my soon to be ex-husband's kids cannot harass me.

It's hard to live without supports and without any vision of a better future. I find myself very much focussing on the moment, and just today, or just this morning. I'm glad I have the freedom to just go back to bed if things are feeling too hopeless. Also what helps a very tiny bit is that I now have all kinds of time for the solitary pursuits that I've always loved – reading, artwork, music. Peaceful things. When I was with my husband, all my time seemed to be doing things around the house or the yard, or taking care of him. I'm not going to miss that. But I miss the companionship very much. Back to being lonely, as I was before,I knew him.

Other people in their 50s and 60s, my kind of "peer group" as I view them, seem to have families, children, parents, neighbours – some kind of small community around them. But maybe I am idealizing that and assuming too much. Maybe other people are just like me, finding they have lost so much and now are surrounded by an emptiness in which there is only their own voice.

I try to think of positive things to pull me forward, and sometimes I can do that in small bits. But always, underneath, there is Plan B. And it beckons, and promises to solve everything. I am tired. So tired of trying to make things work in my life, or even just to have something to look forward to in the day.

Outside it is snowing, big flakes coming down. I am staying at someone's cottage until I can move away next month. There is a fire in the woodstove beside me and my dogs are cuddled on my lap.

If I had said that three years ago, I would have been over the moon happy. What a privilege! What a lovely way to spend the morning. But no, when my heart and my spirit have been so torn apart by these hurtful people and I have no one, it seems very hard to enjoy the small things, even though I can recognize that they're there. The icewater that has been poured into my soul makes it impossible, it seems, to connect.

 

[Thomas599]

I am 60 years old. I have no wife, no kids and I'm not very close with any of my siblings, so I have a pretty weak support system, certainly not anyone in my life who I feel that I can count on for support. I'm diabetic and suffering heart failure. I'm waiting to have open heart surgery to make the repairs that can be made, but I'm not even sure that I want to go through all of that. I have a job with good health insurance but my contract ends in July of this year, so I figure I might as well get the surgery while I have the insurance, even though there are pretty good chances that I'll end up CTBing soon after the surgery, especially if I can't find a new job. The surgery has been approved I'm just waiting for the actual date to be set. My best friend's birthday is May 2nd. We haven't been best friends for about two years now. I did some stupid things and he ended the friendship. I have thought that if I don't have a new job set by May 2nd and I'm done with the surgery, I may just CTB on that date... but who knows?

 

[Rivermouse]

I am 60 years old. I have no wife, no kids and I'm not very close with any of my siblings, so I have a pretty weak support system, certainly not anyone in my life who I feel that I can count on for support. I'm diabetic and suffering heart failure. I'm waiting to have open heart surgery to make the repairs that can be made, but I'm not even sure that I want to go through all of that. I have a job with good health insurance but my contract ends in July of this year, so I figure I might as well get the surgery while I have the insurance, even though there are pretty good chances that I'll end up CTBing soon after the surgery, especially if I can't find a new job. The surgery has been approved I'm just waiting for the actual date to be set. My best friend's birthday is May 2nd. We haven't been best friends for about two years now. I did some stupid things and he ended the friendship. I have thought that if I don't have a new job set by May 2nd and I'm done with the surgery, I may just CTB on that date... but who knows?

That sounds pretty rough, Thomas599. Not much support, major scary surgery, best friend gone, job ending. Woof. Must feel overwhelming. Hugs, my friend.

 

[ThisMortalCoil]

I'm a man in my early 50s. I got divorced about 5 years ago, after a 20 year marriage. I worked my ass off providing for my family, while my wife stayed at home - then after a year of frequent travel & stress at work, my wife told me with an hour's notice that she met someone and is leaving - leaving me with our daughter, dog, and all responsibility.

The past 5 years have been difficult; my work was demanding enough, then having to be the primary parent as well has led to too much stress, abusing alcohol, etc.

I was dating a woman for 3.5 years, and we got engaged - but the relationship was constant conflict & drama, so I ended it a few months ago after some extreme incidents. I don't have many friends nowadays (and my three closest ones died in the past few years), so my partner has always been my best friend. But being single now, I find it hard to motivate myself to try to meet someone new, and start all over again.

I worked so hard in this life, and always treated the women in my life greatly - and to be single now at this age sucks. It seems everyone else I know has spouse or partner (though statistically, there's obviously a lot of divorced people; I guess they just hide at home). And my daughter will be going away to college in a year and a half, then I'll be all alone.

Some days I'm doing good, but other days like today I'm very depressed and want to give up.

 

[Rivermouse]

I don't know, when I went through things like this when I was younger it seems like I bounced back a lot better. Now, being older, things seem much more hopeless. That makes it harder.

I'm not sure you're in a place where a new relationship is the answer. You have your daughter with you for another year and a half. Yes you've lost a lot, but don't lose sight of what you still have. And don't give up on yourself.

 

[Thomas599]

I'm a man in my early 50s. I got divorced about 5 years ago, after a 20 year marriage. I worked my ass off providing for my family, while my wife stayed at home - then after a year of frequent travel & stress at work, my wife told me with an hour's notice that she met someone and is leaving - leaving me with our daughter, dog, and all responsibility.

The past 5 years have been difficult; my work was demanding enough, then having to be the primary parent as well has led to too much stress, abusing alcohol, etc.

I was dating a woman for 3.5 years, and we got engaged - but the relationship was constant conflict & drama, so I ended it a few months ago after some extreme incidents. I don't have many friends nowadays (and my three closest ones died in the past few years), so my partner has always been my best friend. But being single now, I find it hard to motivate myself to try to meet someone new, and start all over again.

I worked so hard in this life, and always treated the women in my life greatly - and to be single now at this age sucks. It seems everyone else I know has spouse or partner (though statistically, there's obviously a lot of divorced people; I guess they just hide at home). And my daughter will be going away to college in a year and a half, then I'll be all alone.

Some days I'm doing good, but other days like today I'm very depressed and want to give up.

One of the sad realities of life is that the older one gets, the more difficult it is to make new friends, especially for men.