30+ peer support thread.

[StarsAbove]

I ap

I'm sure it can be revived!

Lets see, questions.

How many of you have kids or are child free?

I'm personally child free, always lived a single life. Too selfish to deal with compromising with a partner. In my younger adult years if I did think about kids, I'd usually spin into a sort of existential awkwardness. Mainly questioning how I could justify adding human life to this messy world. Mainly the issues of adding to overpopulation but also the environmental and climate deterioration - and how shit thats likely to be in just one generation time, so for them to be stuck in. I never had the longing/broodiness for kids. And now I'm suddenly finding myself in late 30s and no change with relationships/partners living a solo and now isolated life. And the biological clock must be pretty much up by now. Its like I never had to made an official decision myself but by avoiding it, time has inevitably confirmed the decision for me.

Sorry thats a bit deep. Or possibly sensitive. Feel free to add thoughts or try a different question/topic to try boost it up again!

I appreciate you bringing this up. I am sorry it sounds like you are in deep contemplation about the right to have the choice being taken away from you. Even if you don't want to kids that can bring up a lot of feelings.

I dont have kids either and im 38. I thought i wanted them up until my late 20s but it was really more about the societal pressure to have them. I am glad didn't, but the choice was also taken away from me because I have health issues that wrecked my hormones. Because of my health and my upbringing, and now discovering I likely have Autism, I cannot imagine trying to raise kids. You cant just give them back when you are extremely overstimulated or feeling sick and I feel like thay would have led me to be overwhelmed and possibly not very nice. You know what though, I saved a life by not creating one.

 

[thesaintviper]

33F. Honestly my first desire to CTB was when I was 10, now at 33 I have had schizophrenia for 6 years and counting. I had three episodes, my most recent one being in March 2026. To be honest this third episode caused me to lose a lot of my interests and functionality and I really think that I'd prefer to just be gone from this world. I have a decade long drinking problem and it's really because the voices are unbearable in my end. I went through a lot of different treatments but the latest one has left me with voices that tell me to end it. To be honest, this is the best it's gonna get as this has been present for two and a half months and I'd rather try to CTB while I have presence of mind.

 

[Ticket]

Sorry I'm in a weird mood and don't want to directly reply but hope this helps if you happen to see this.

I've dealt with voices where I believed in them and thought of them as either guidance overlooking me or as a part of myself. I don't know if you're familiar with IFS (internal family systems) but it has helped me the most out of all therapy modals. Basically you can learn to identify various parts of yourself and be able to isolate them from your actual self and communicate/acknowledge them and understand why that part exists.

Anyway, one way that has been helpful to me was when I'm able to identify the voices as voices then I don't have to associate them as all me. And especially knowing the voices are unhealthy for me or telling me horrible things such as death is the only relief but I'm also going to hell or whatever the voices decide to screw me with, I simplify the IFS process by identifying the voices as separate from me and automatically telling myself the voices aren't healthy for me and I shouldn't listen to them. I'm treating them as like an enemy that's attached to me. I do this with my depression parts/thoughts as well. I tell myself that it's not truly me and that it's the illness lying to me.

I may sound crazy to anyone coming across this but just treat this as a personal anecdote then. I'm writing this in hopes it might help someone else in any way whatsoever.

 

[StarsAbove]

33F. Honestly my first desire to CTB was when I was 10, now at 33 I have had schizophrenia for 6 years and counting. I had three episodes, my most recent one being in March 2026. To be honest this third episode caused me to lose a lot of my interests and functionality and I really think that I'd prefer to just be gone from this world. I have a decade long drinking problem and it's really because the voices are unbearable in my end. I went through a lot of different treatments but the latest one has left me with voices that tell me to end it. To be honest, this is the best it's gonna get as this has been present for two and a half months and I'd rather try to CTB while I have presence of mind.

Im so sorry that you are suffering so much. My older sister had schizophrenia and was completely unable to function. I am sure it is scary and uncomfortable. I am wishing you all the peace and comfort in the world. *hugs*

 

[catinthefurnace]

42m. I was sexually abused as a kid by my alcoholic mum, split from wife a year ago (my fault, chatted with gay men online, still confused)
I'm lonely, poor, depressed, autistic. Regular panic attacks. I really wanted to ctb last year but got better enough to carry on for a while.
Went to hospital twice last week as was very close, no help and didn't listen to me at all.
Think I've realised that any relief is only temporary and darkness will come again. cant carry on

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

Im so sorry that you are suffering so much. My older sister had schizophrenia and was completely unable to function. I am sure it is scary and uncomfortable. I am wishing you all the peace and comfort in the world. *hugs*

Had, as in was cured?

42m. I was sexually abused as a kid by my alcoholic mum, split from wife a year ago (my fault, chatted with gay men online, still confused)
I'm lonely, poor, depressed, autistic. Regular panic attacks. I really wanted to ctb last year but got better enough to carry on for a while.

Sorry you had and have to go through that Confusing reason to split indeed...

Went to hospital twice last week as was very close, no help and didn't listen to me at all.
Think I've realised that any relief is only temporary and darkness will come again. cant carry on

I have similar experiences with hospitals as well (also some better ones tho). Have had the same realisation as well, but I'm forcing myself to believe otherwise currently as I had a better experience with the current hospital psychiatric ambulance I'm working with since recently. So I'm trying to give that a chance and probably will go stationary and really try to work my ass off trying some new and previously untried methods of treatment to make things better. If they don't work either I can at least say I tried everything and it didn't get better and still ctb then.

Wish you all the best.

34m, might open up more myself at a later point here, but today I just can't really be bothered to go down that rabbit hole as it's been one of the better days since weeks.

Cheers

 

[Bruce]

42m. I was sexually abused as a kid by my alcoholic mum, split from wife a year ago (my fault, chatted with gay men online, still confused)
I'm lonely, poor, depressed, autistic. Regular panic attacks. I really wanted to ctb last year but got better enough to carry on for a while.
Went to hospital twice last week as was very close, no help and didn't listen to me at all.
Think I've realised that any relief is only temporary and darkness will come again. cant carry on

Yet somehow you're here, still standing. It's amazing!

I'm really sorry for what you've been through! :hugs:

I'm sorry you're confused. It's not a bad thing. You just have to figure it out. In time, hopefully, you will. Just, take it slow! Follow your heart! There are no right or wrong answers here.

Sometimes lonely is bad. You deserve better, someone good. Sometimes lonely is good. So many bad people around us..
Poor can be bad. When you can't even afford a blanket in the winter. Poor can be good too. It teaches you, it forces you to adapt. It filters your friends. People who love you will always be there no matter how little you have.
Depressed.. yeah. I get it. Can't blame you.

 

[StarsAbove]

Had, as in was cured?

No, she died from drug abuse. She wouldnt take meds consistently but even when hospitalized and meds were administered, they didnt seem to help much. Some people can have psychosis and be functional, she was not.

 

[sadbh—itstimetogo🤎]

@Somewhat Suicidal