smallcow4rd
youthinkyouknowme
- Dec 20, 2025
- 15
I just want to leave, i don't deserve anything else, i'm a pathetic piece of crap that can't do anything for himself, I should be grateful and finish my fucking career, but i'm too tired and i dont know if thats what i want. I have the privilege on an education and i still dare to just put it down the drain...i'm a fucking imbecile, i'm pathetic and i should be feeling the worst pain, ive always had i always needed it, but i'm too much of a coward for it, i need to die, ive tried too many times.
No matter how much My friends love me, how much they tell me I matter, no matter how much they want me to believe i'm a good person, that isnt enough. I should be productive i should be better i should do something for myself. My dad is not forcing this career onto me. I can leave and do whatever the shit i want but i'm too scared, i can't take decisions, i dont know what i want, im scared of reality. I'm pathetic, i never wanted to be born, i hate having to say "thank you" for stuff i never asked for. I never asked to be middle class, i never asked to be overprotected, i never asked to be privileged, i never asked any of this. I never deserved to live, ive always been a fucking loser. But i keep failing and failing.
I messages everyone my best wishes for them until i reached my mother, she responded almost inmediately. I started at my perfectly tied rope and i cried, why can't everyone forget about me. I can't do shit for myself ive always been helpless. I wanted to be happy, i wanted help with My depression when i shouldve stood for myself but i'm too weak.
I planned a lovely evening with my mother on sunday, but i don't wanna wake up tomorrow, i don't want to do my college homework, i'm so done with everything. But i wanna see her one last time, i want to taste her cooking, i want to chat with her...i will wait Even if i know i should die right now because i don't deserve any sympathy. Even if i deserve every bad of the world for some reason i want to at least see her. She loves me, she doesnt know i'm a dumbass and a man baby that can't do shit for himself.
I Will have to go through tomorrow, knowing that i should be dead, knowing that i should be hurting and burning in hell. Just to see her. The second i return home i will tie that rope and go. Because it's been too long, i never deserved to live this long. I just needed to be a success, but i won't Ever be one, i just see myself in a casket.
2 more days, 2 more days that i dont deserve, but i wanna see her and hear her loud laugh.
No matter how much My friends love me, how much they tell me I matter, no matter how much they want me to believe i'm a good person, that isnt enough. I should be productive i should be better i should do something for myself. My dad is not forcing this career onto me. I can leave and do whatever the shit i want but i'm too scared, i can't take decisions, i dont know what i want, im scared of reality. I'm pathetic, i never wanted to be born, i hate having to say "thank you" for stuff i never asked for. I never asked to be middle class, i never asked to be overprotected, i never asked to be privileged, i never asked any of this. I never deserved to live, ive always been a fucking loser. But i keep failing and failing.
I messages everyone my best wishes for them until i reached my mother, she responded almost inmediately. I started at my perfectly tied rope and i cried, why can't everyone forget about me. I can't do shit for myself ive always been helpless. I wanted to be happy, i wanted help with My depression when i shouldve stood for myself but i'm too weak.
I planned a lovely evening with my mother on sunday, but i don't wanna wake up tomorrow, i don't want to do my college homework, i'm so done with everything. But i wanna see her one last time, i want to taste her cooking, i want to chat with her...i will wait Even if i know i should die right now because i don't deserve any sympathy. Even if i deserve every bad of the world for some reason i want to at least see her. She loves me, she doesnt know i'm a dumbass and a man baby that can't do shit for himself.
I Will have to go through tomorrow, knowing that i should be dead, knowing that i should be hurting and burning in hell. Just to see her. The second i return home i will tie that rope and go. Because it's been too long, i never deserved to live this long. I just needed to be a success, but i won't Ever be one, i just see myself in a casket.
2 more days, 2 more days that i dont deserve, but i wanna see her and hear her loud laugh.
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