2 hours "til new therapist

[Deleted member 18655]

What have I done? I looked for a therapist, found one who backed out at the last minute and was given the name of the one I'm Zooming with in two hours. I'm not looking forward to this.

It's sinking in what a good client/therapist relationship should be: open, honest and committed. I think I'll be wasting my money if I spend an hour with her and then jump right back on this site, waiting for my SN.

I have very little faith in what can be done with me, let alone by anyone in particular. Not only do I dread the idea of combing through the sh*t from my life but to do it with a stranger is just mortifying!

I told her as much in our consult phone call. She said it's no problem. I respectfully disagree.

Argh! - there's a typo in my title that I can't change! That's going to bother more than anything!

 

[Toobrokentofix]

You can always stop seeing them. It doesn't have to be forever. Why not just see how it goes? My therapist knows what is happening. She even knows I have SN on the way. She hasn't tried to control me, but she is helping me manage the horrible body stuff that comes with anxiety. She's trying to help me find another way... but the choice is still mine. Hope it goes well. Be great to hear how you got on if you feel like talking about it afterwards. Thinking of you

 

[ropebunny]

You can always stop seeing them. It doesn't have to be forever. Why not just see how it goes? My therapist knows what is happening. She even knows I have SN on the way. She hasn't tried to control me, but she is helping me manage the horrible body stuff that comes with anxiety. She's trying to help me find another way... but the choice is still mine. Hope it goes well. Be great to hear how you got on if you feel like talking about it afterwards. Thinking of you

Jfc, what I would do for a therapist like that. You hit the jackpot with her.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

You can always stop seeing them. It doesn't have to be forever. Why not just see how it goes? My therapist knows what is happening. She even knows I have SN on the way. She hasn't tried to control me, but she is helping me manage the horrible body stuff that comes with anxiety. She's trying to help me find another way... but the choice is still mine. Hope it goes well. Be great to hear how you got on if you feel like talking about it afterwards. Thinking of you

First of all, I want your username LOL

Second, thank you! I'm questioning why I'm pursuing this but hearing how open you are with yours is good. I would love that. My only worry is that, here in Canada, it's law that someone like me be reported. At the beginning of every phone session I've had, there's a speel about confidentiality and duty to report... But I'm dying for a real, intellectual discussion including about ctb. A sort of "prove me wrong" that I'm looking for. Haven't heard a good argument yet.

I'm almost positive that I'll need to take a long drive right after the appointment but will end up right back here, reporting as I process it all.

 

[Toobrokentofix]

Jfc, what I would do for a therapist like that. You hit the jackpot with her.

I am very lucky... she has been working with me for 10 years though and knows me better than anybody.

I say all that... but I'm sure if I told her I was gonna CTB right now she would have to intervene and tell someone. Tbh I don't think my doctor or the local psych team give a shit whether I live or die. One less burden for the NHS. when I told doctor I feel suicidal again 4 weeks ago, she told me to take more meds, I said they didn't help and she ignores me! Then made me see mental health team...they gave me leaflets on suicidal thoughts and recovery college!! (where u learn to live withur mental health problems apparently). I will not learn to accept feeling like this. If I can't make it feel any better, I will have to exit

 

[Werewolf]

It's a strange relationship indeed, I do believe personal chemistry between you and the therapist is as important as their competence and knowledge, if not even more so.
I've been through a couple over the years and only one that I felt I could actually talk to in a way that felt real and helpful.

It is however quite relieving to talk to a complete stranger about these things. One that does not know you, your past, problems etc. other than what you tell them. One that just listens to what you have to say without judgement.

What you shouldn't do is lie, then it's just a waste of time. Be honest but maybe not disclose every little detail, atleast not at a first appointment.

Therapist are a great resource, but they are just that, a resource and not a fix. They'll provide you with the tools and teach you how to use them, it's still up to you though to actually do so.

 

[JustLosingMyself]

Well good luck.
If queried about ctb: do admit about the suicidal thoughts, the reasons for it, the intensity of the thoughts. Ne open about it. That opens a trust relationship.
Do no under any circumstance say you have a plan, no matter how vague; or a date. The therapist will be required by law to report you for an evaluation.
When you know/respect each other more you may consider broaching the subject.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

Technology is so much fun... I was on the wrong app for ten minutes, waiting?!

She was good. I told her almost everything (didn't think I would). She wants to make a contract that if I want to act on any plan to tell her first. Fine. I can live with that. I didn't tell her that would necessarily stop me but it'll be a while before the stuff arrives anyways...

She was easy to talk to. She brought up something and I started to cry. She walked me through "being present" and knowing how my body was acting through it. Nothing super new but nothing I enjoy.

She said that things could get better. I told her I wasn't going to settle for a depressed me as my New Normal. She's done rape/crisis counselling for decades so I'll stick with her and see what happens. But I'm not going to hold my breath and I'm certainly not going to hope. For anything.

Now, I need to go for a long drive and let it all sink in before I return and not think about it. Stay off the pavement/sidewalks..!