idk, i havent apologised/thanked my friends or philosophy teacher an everyone else influential in my life yet, and can't leave without it. minus that, probably like 50% physically ready (as in prepared plan-wise, since SN is almost impossible where i am and don't have other methods in mind besides hanging or train maybe) but in terms of mentally prepared, 90%. i don't see a future in store for me. i say that, yet whenever i want to do something all 'fuck it' like talk back to the people ive sucked up to for years, something stops me, like a mental block idk, lack of courage maybe. im gonna wait until i completely lose that shred of self-preservation, then thank everyone, apologise, then go all out and fuck off. forever. disappear.
