Discussion Your strangest reason for CTBing?

[Leshen]

I don't like the idea of being a wage slave until I die just for somebody to profit off my labor

Same here.
If I have to work just to survive and then work some more then I don't wanna live at all.

 

[sadghost]

Same here.
If I have to work just to survive and then work some more then I don't wanna live at all.

Right! Like I'm working to survive but I don't even want to survive so what's the point

 

[stationarymillennial]

The wage slave idea mentioned is one. But my strangest one is probably just my disdain for humanity. Humanity is just a sentient dumpster fire.

 

[Theodora]

Scared of ageing.. and now I'm 20 I feel old afffff ...and I've accomplished nothing!!!!! my grandparents are in their 70S and I'm terrified of them dying I live with them and what will I do ???! When they die .. I can't be responsible for myself and it terrifies me.. I don't know why my sister had to fucking leave me .. she deserved to live not me !!! I can't deal with this by myself so this is my way out

 

[k75]

I can't taste food normally anymore. No matter what it is, no matter how well seasoned... it might as well be bland oatmeal cardboard mush.

I used to love to cook.

 

[mediocre]

Strange sensations and numbness in my body. Undiagnosed. Body feels wrecked. Physical exhaustion no matter what I do. My sensory issues.. obsessing over body parts.. thinking my lips are too big etc. Things like that.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I dunno if it's strange per say but I'll CTB over dying of natural causes anyday. Natural deaths are rarely as simple or easy as falling asleep and never waking up.

 

[mediocre]

Scared of ageing.. and now I'm 20 I feel old afffff ...and I've accomplished nothing!!!!! my grandparents are in their 70S and I'm terrified of them dying I live with them and what will I do ???! When they die .. I can't be responsible for myself and it terrifies me.. I don't know why my sister had to fucking leave me .. she deserved to live not me !!! I can't deal with this by myself so this is my way out

I'm almost 28 now and feel the same but I'd give anything to go back to 20 again and change everything I did including my diet and lifestyle and make a real effort to socialise and work towards employment. Then maybe I wouldn't be ill now and be independent.

 

[DominusWreck]

Shit, I felt you.... That must be hell on earth!

Pushing aside all my other reasons? Bedbugs.

Yes, bedbugs.

I've had two encounters with bedbugs and it'll only get worse before it gets better. Bedbugs are a huge epidemic and people who have them suffer silently because society as a whole still think of them as a dirty/poor person problem, when it's quite the opposite. International travel has made them spread and silent sufferers have only spread them more through moving. "If I just move out of this place they can't get to me." Wrong. Now people are moving into infested apartments and houses, taking transit in infested planes and trains and buses.

Bedbug treatment is a rich person's privilege. People on the lower end of the income totem pole have to resort to DIY/non-professional methods and months, if not years of living out of bags and plastic totes and sleepless, itchy nights, weeks of checking your bed and house to see if they've spread elsewhere due to you inadvertantly carrying them throughout the house. Treating your pets with expensive medications because yes, they can and will feed off of your mammalian pets ("it's free real estate"), and being paralyzed of sitting on anything that you know is bedbug infested.

Once you get a bedbug infestation you can never live normally again.

It's been two years and I still have nightmares.

Fuck bedbugs.

 

[essic.]

my strangest reason for ctbing is affection and attention.. because no one gives that to me..maybe if i end myself, they will try to give me some loves and cares.. poor my life..

 

[TAW122]

One of my strangest reasons at least to what the majority will consider strange is that I'm unable to fulfill my specific fantasy dream (dream redacted for privacy and safety) with a specific person capable of doing so.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

Years of messed up income tax I've been avoiding that's just now getting sorted, from overseas and domestic jobs. Being on the run from myself is catching up with me. It's not my main reason at all - it's fixable - but it's not making life easy by any means.

 

[falloutcarter13]

The zipper close thing on bags of shredded cheese. They never line up and the cheese always goes bad, and every time I'm like "fuck this shit, this is the last straw. I'm out." ='D

 

[AllReturnsToNothing]

I just can't work. I don't know why but I just can't suck it up and do all the shitty meaningless work everybody else has to do. And as you know, if you can't be a good exploitable worker in capitalist society you're better off dead. That in being born in a man's body is absolute torture.

 

[Seafoam]

I can't taste food normally anymore. No matter what it is, no matter how well seasoned... it might as well be bland oatmeal cardboard mush.

I used to love to cook.

That sucks

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Being bad at writing and talking.

Honestly I hate how much effort it takes for me to properly express myself. I feel like everything that comes out of me makes no sense or is way too long and boring to be worth paying attention to.

 

[ahs1079]

one of my reasons is gerascophobia "fear of getting older"

Same. And I have a cluster of diagnosed autoimmune diseases. I am sick, tired, and weak 24 fkn 7. Been ready for 11 years. I do NOT want to live past 40. Yuck.

 

[heraclitus]

Strangest? Not really strange to me but I'd say being a nobody at the age I am.

Not strange to me. either. I'm a nobody in the eyes of the world and usually in my own eyes. Some days all that keeps me going are van Gogh's words " What am I in the eyes of most people - a nonentity, an eccentric, or an unpleasant person - somebody who has no position in society and will never have; in short, the lowest of the low. All right, then - even if that were absolutely true, then I should one day like to show by my work what such an eccentric, such a nobody, has in his heart. "

 

[Meditation guide]

I just don't want to mow my lawn anymore.

I can relate to that. Can you find someone to do it for you or hire someone?

My reason is all the constant non stop chores and problems I have to always manage on a daily basis. I feel like life continuously keeps throwing mud in my face and I can't get it wiped off before the next pile of mud is thrown at me.

 

[sadghost]

I don't want to finish my degree. I have ADD so studying is honestly living hell for me, especially without my overpriced medication. I've recently come to the realization that I don't even want to take the path that I'm halfway through.

 

[Cashewmilk]

Actually my strangest reason would be the fruit fly/gnat infestation in my basement. I'm NEET and I moved into the basement 3 years ago, and there has been a constant stream of thousands of fruit flies coming. Apparently it's from a leak or a wet crawl space, I can't afford an exterminator, and it's due to my demon sister's hoarding. She blamed me the other day because of my dirty dishes, but it had absolutely nothing to do with that, the dishes have been clean for a week and still thousands of flies coming. It's obviously because she forgot about something in one of the 3 bedrooms that have been blocked off with hoarded crap. I am praying for my sister to die of natural causes or a heroin OD or a stroke, just waiting for that wonderful day when she's gone. She's one of the worst human beings I've ever met, disgusting piece of shit.

She always ruins everyone's birthdays, she makes birthdays feel like a huge chore and something to fear, because she works herself up and goes out of her way to get shitty cheap ugly flowers which my mom hates anyway (and my mom doesn't want them, she keeps saying "why does this bitch keep getting me flowers if she treats me like a slave and abuses me everyday?"), she tries to clean up, she runs around wrapping gifts and ordering crappy food etc, but she won't even take a bloody shower, the poop on her skin is peeling and she's been wearing the same shirt/underwear/ugly shorts for 6 months, she gets paid to do literally EVERYTHING in the house. My mom is sick of useless ugly cheap shit and ugly flowers, she wants something more meaningful like - take a bloody fucking shower, or, clean up outside, or clean up your damn hoard! My mom was super happy to see me on her bday, even though she knew I didn't get her squat because she knows I don't have any money, and she knows that I know she doesn't want anything. But she was super stressed about everything else, I avoided the whole fiasco. It's the same story for everyone elses birthdays.

Another reason that is strange but also scary is the possibility of a power outage in my living space, and not being able to fix it because my sister destroyed the place with enormous amounts of junk hoarding, so an electrician can't even service the place. Their side is already gone out and they're using an extension cord for the air conditioner... so yeah if the power goes out on my side it'll be a nightmare.

 

[Jadedcat]

Maybe not that strange but my cat disappeared, that and I have absolutely no motivation to work at all and think it's soul sucking. I hate this society.

 

[Deafsn0w]

I have many strangest reasons. But I will tell you two reasons.

1. Scared of aging. I'm only 19, almost 20, but I don't want to see myself being a ugly 60 year old.

2. This may sound weird, but I would rather have been born a guy. It's not that I'm transgender. I'm comfortable with being female. But for some unknown reason, I'd rather have a male body than female

 

[Wayfaerer]

I don't know, to make the intrusive thoughts stop? I have many reasons but that's one of them and probably my strangest unless I kept searching maybe.

 

[TheBigBurden]

Not being able to get to the cupboard easily.

Being alive is already difficult enough for me I don't want to move three other things just to be able to get some food.

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

Has anyone been motivated by the insane explosion in Beirut? Some geniuses stored more than 2 tons of ammonium fucking nitrate in an urban region. Now, they're picking up the bodies and hiding the true death toll. Humans are stupid, stupid, stupid!!!!! Fuck this shit! If only I was at the epicenter.

 

[Pineapplecrown]

We have to eat food n drink liquids every single day... Fucking kills me I tell yA

 

[Cashewmilk]

We have to eat food n drink liquids every single day... Fucking kills me I tell yA

And poop and pee it out

 

[agentgeez]

It's not exactly a reason to commit suicide, more just something I'm unhappy with about myself; I'm inconsistent. I can't imagine having a high-skilled job like being an athlete, a composer, a comedian, et cetera, simply because I never know how I'll be the next day. What if one day I ran out of jokes, or just couldn't compose something nice, or suddenly just started sucking at something for no apparent reason? I don't think I've ever noticeably improved at something not just because I haven't liked doing something enough to consistently do it for an extended period of time, but also because I'm all over the place. Even in social situations, one day I'll be making good jokes left and right and the next people will think I'm in a mood even though I don't think anything happened to me. This entire thing is kind of a stretch in terms of 'wanting to die' but I suppose it just makes me feel like every day is another hurdle in which I need to prove my worth, whether it's interacting with friends or trying to problem-solve.

 

[sadghost]

It's not exactly a reason to commit suicide, more just something I'm unhappy with about myself; I'm inconsistent. I can't imagine having a high-skilled job like being an athlete, a composer, a comedian, et cetera, simply because I never know how I'll be the next day. What if one day I ran out of jokes, or just couldn't compose something nice, or suddenly just started sucking at something for no apparent reason? I don't think I've ever noticeably improved at something not just because I haven't liked doing something enough to consistently do it for an extended period of time, but also because I'm all over the place. Even in social situations, one day I'll be making good jokes left and right and the next people will think I'm in a mood even though I don't think anything happened to me. This entire thing is kind of a stretch in terms of 'wanting to die' but I suppose it just makes me feel like every day is another hurdle in which I need to prove my worth, whether it's interacting with friends or trying to problem-solve.

This hits so close to home for me, and I never knew how to put it. Well said!