your reasons not to kill yourself

[Kundalini Guy]

Back when I saw suicidal I had no proper method only ones I could do was brutal like jumping or drowning. Also I did not want to destroy my family with my death.

 

[HyugaHarbor]

I had to think about the reasons that kept me going in life. I answered a bunch of questions to help me figure it out, and here's what I came up with:

1. What are some of your most cherished memories?
I have some of my most cherished memories from childhood when I had friends, time, and freedom. Back then, I had all the time in the world to enjoy myself and explore without any obligations.

2. Do you have close family or friends? What are your favorite moments with them?
Although I don't talk to them much anymore, I have only a few close childhood friends and am most connected to my grandpa. I love my family.

3. Are there places you've always wanted to visit or experiences you've wanted to have?
As an anime enthusiast, I always wanted to visit or live in Japan until I realized how expensive it is. I want to travel around the world, especially in Asian countries. I decided that even if I don't live there, I want to be able to choose any place or country I desire. For that, I need to build a business and gain financial freedom.

4. What hobbies or activities, aside from those you've mentioned, that you enjoy or would like to try?
My hobbies include anime, video games, video editing, graphic design, content creation, and self-improvement. I also work out at the gym.

5. Are there books, movies, or music that have deeply impacted you or that you feel strongly connected to?
Many things have impacted me, such as anime and the determination of characters like Naruto, Luffy, Midoriya, Thorfin, Tanjiro, Asta, etc, to achieve their goals. I combined my love for anime with video editing and graphic design as a kid and started self-learning. These skills now serve as the foundation for my business. I got interested in business after finishing the army in 2020. I listened to self-development audiobooks like Rich Dad Poor Dad, Think and Grow Rich, Richest Man in Babylon, 4 Hour Work Week, and many others. They inspired me to achieve my goals and dreams. I keep learning and getting new ideas from audiobooks and YouTube videos.

6. Do you have any pets or animals you're fond of?
I currently have a cat that my sister and I took off the street when it was still small.

7. What achievements or milestones, big or small, you're proud of?
I'm proud of the skills I developed in video editing, graphic design, and content creation. I proved to myself and those around me that I can accomplish many things and should chase my dreams. I improved my physique, learned about money, investing, and business, saved more money than I thought I could, and kept working on my business and goals.

8. Are there causes or issues you feel passionate about or want to make a difference in?
I am passionate about many things, such as anime, video games, video editing, graphic design, and gaining the freedom to do anything without having to work or anyone telling me what to do. I work hard on my goals and never give up. I am also passionate about helping people and animals, so I'm part of this community. It all will be worth it if I can help or inspire at least one person.

9. What are some things you're curious about or want to learn more about?
I am curious about many subjects. I wonder what it's like to have a life of freedom and happiness that I strive for. Then, I would be able to try many exciting things like broadening my knowledge from video editing and graphic design further to drawing anime and 3D animation, joining cooking and dance classes, learning new skills like swimming, traveling, going to restaurants and coffee shops, going on walks, and experiencing the fresh air of freedom. I must work on myself to achieve these goals.

10. Are there people, whether they're public figures or personal acquaintances, who inspire you or whose journey resonates with you?
I'm sure there are public figures that I would resonate with. Still, the first ones that pop into my head are fictional characters from anime like Naruto. They inspire me never to give up and become the Hokage of my life, just like Naruto did.

 

[four-trees]

It's simply just SI for me at this point really. Wish I had access to Nembutal as I'm sure most people here do as well.

Suppose there's the whole "I have a pet" thing too as I wouldn't want to abandoned my puppy at such a young age.

I'm also just really obsessed with benign work and wish to be able to feel like I "completed" my work before moving on from it though I am very prone to taking on new responsibilities rather often so maybe that in itself is some form of self-preservation.

I've never seen this put into words so well before, what you call the obsession with benign work. I've never looked at my silly need to be continually checking off boxes on an ever-growing checklist as a form of self preservation before. Maybe because of what you wrote I can see this behavior with a new appreciation (or irritation lol).

 

[buttonfish]

i was so sure i was going to ctb yesterday, but i woke up today feeling clear-headed.
And the reason is so stupid that y'all are going to laugh.
I watched a Jerma985 archived stream last night, and realized I like watching Jerma. If I'm dead I can't watch Jerma.
So that's my reason today.

 

[CtlvrX]

My cats, I want that they have the best life. I don't want that they end up in a shelter, don't know what happened and thinking I abandoned them. I am scared of what's after death too and maybe I'll fail and I will be sicker than now after trying to ctb.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

Hi,

Just curious what everyone's own reasons are to not killing yourself? Like what are your 'protective' factors if that's what they're called idk just curious what your own reasons are Xx

The main reason I haven't done it so far is because I'm scared of messing it up and ending up in a worse place than I already am.
I'm a complete wuss when it comes to pain and don't feel I am smart enough to plan logistical factors right to ensure it was effective and pain free.

i was so sure i was going to ctb yesterday, but i woke up today feeling clear-headed.
And the reason is so stupid that y'all are going to laugh.
I watched a Jerma985 archived stream last night, and realized I like watching Jerma. If I'm dead I can't watch Jerma.
So that's my reason today.

It got you through today, hey? :)

 

[Kali319]

I get these little bursts of moments where "it all makes sense". I have some peace, the struggles seem not only bearable but necessary and wanted. I don't always or often feel this way, but it gives me energy to keep going. I also figure I'll get there eventually, no need to rush it too much

 

[cgrtt.brns]

i was so sure i was going to ctb yesterday, but i woke up today feeling clear-headed.
And the reason is so stupid that y'all are going to laugh.
I watched a Jerma985 archived stream last night, and realized I like watching Jerma. If I'm dead I can't watch Jerma.
So that's my reason today.

not a stupid reason at all, its actually kinda reassuring for me to read that bc i feel the same. i find jermas streams so entertaining yet calming, he has a certain personality thats just comforting if that makes sense. ive lost count of the amount of nights ive fallen asleep to one of his vods after a rough time thinking about ctb.

 

[MelancholicMundane]

guilt from the pain that I would be inflicting on my family/friends

 

[LillieCat]

For me it's still a kind of fear (maybe because I could fail but also because I don't know what comes after that), and probably some kind of hope I guess. Sometimes it really feels hopeless, and I also think about it, but I wouldn't be able to do it yet. Just not ready. Even if I know how not do to it and how I would try it.
Also hanging on to therapy rn hoping it gets better. It sucks to always think about that your problem might not be bad enough, even if you logically know that it is.

 

[Paranorm]

Firstly, I haven't found a painless way to do it. Every method I know and have heard of sounds painful in someway. Even if I did find a painless way, I would be terrified to try it because I'm too scared to die(Ironic right? I'm suicidal but scared to die...)

Secondly, I don't want to hurt the people that love me(even though some of them are the reason I'm suicidal in the first place). Tbh I would rather die a thousand painful deaths before I make my mom cry at my funeral. I love my mom, see's one of the reasons I still hold on

Lastly, I genuinely feel like all the shit I go through is for a reason. Maybe I'm just being stupid but I have a gut feeling that I'm meant to be someone great, someone important, and what I'm going through is meant to shape me into that person somehow. I watch a lot of movies, anime and shit like that, maybe that's how I got this mindset. Maybe everyone's life is like a movie, we are the main character of our own lives and all the shit we go through is just character development...

 

[gonnaregretthis]

1) My girlfriend. She's really everything to me and I can't leave her in this world alone. I want to say that she'd be fine without me but I know logistically thats not true at all.

2) It might get better. Idk

3) My niece. Honestly this is so low because if I'm not better I can't see myself being a good influence on her and her parents aren't Terrible but sometimes my sister days things that really bother me about her parenting and idk I just wanna be there for her if anything happens.
1) My girlfriend. She's really everything to me and I can't leave her in this world alone. I want to say that she'd be fine without me but I know logistically thats not true at all.

2) It might get better. Idk

3) My niece. Honestly this is so low because if I'm not better I can't see myself being a good influence on her and her parents aren't Terrible but sometimes my sister days things that really bother me about her parenting and idk I just wanna be there for her if anything happens.

 

[Ktk]

Mainly, if I did CTB I have to give an answer to god why did I do it.

I don't have a good answer to justify my decision for now, so I'm here

 

[rollingthunder]

my son

 

[vampire2002]

1. SI
2. my overly-clingy & anxious cat (i plan on waiting until she passes and going with her)
3. my family & friends
4. ...i wanna live to see the end of my favorite manga series lol

 

[Lostman1029]

I need to make concrete CTB plans.
I keep hoping for a better option to appear than SN, gun, hanging.
I am young enough that nothing is severely wrong physiologically.

 

[snowcloud9]

I haven't tried every treatment option, and there are LOTS of treatments for MDD

 

[Iamtired]

will i was born with a gift i started taking my toys to bits aged 5 to learn how electronics work at 16 i got into computer programming
i love to program but due to a injury no longer can anyway i went on to create a lot of software and had 100,000 downloads on it and made 10k profit i wouldent kill my self if i had my health but i can't keep living like this

Sorry for the injury. I'm right there with you.

 

[MiMif]

Hi,

Just curious what everyone's own reasons are to not killing yourself? Like what are your 'protective' factors if that's what they're called idk just curious what your own reasons are Xx

My favorite show hasn't ended yet...that's all I can think of

 

[Starry2He]

My boyfriend- he is my soulmate, my other half. I didn't believe in souls or even love until i met him, and he made me promise not to leave. He wants to grow old together, haha.
I just don't know if i can hang on for him. Ive lost my will to live and can even override my SI, feel like a walking talking corpse. But he keeps me here, for now.

 

[colormesuprised]

Hi,

Just curious what everyone's own reasons are to not killing yourself? Like what are your 'protective' factors if that's what they're called idk just curious what your own reasons are Xx

I want to get out and see the light of the tunnel, I want to prove people wrong, that I can become something good even if other people think otherwise.