your reasons not to kill yourself

[Abadoned_Me]

my boyfriend! hes the only reason
i love him more than everything, and if we ever break up im ctb same day same hour
but i stay alive so i can be with him, and so that he'll stay alive
pretty much, if he dies or leaves me, I die

 

[Beeko]

1) My Husband
2) The chance I can defeat all odds of my chronic illness

I'm basically living on pure spite against my doctors. I want to prove them wrong but it's really rough at times so the main reason would be my Husband cause I don't want him to be devastated due to my own actions.

 

[Stripe19]

A sense of debt owed to people around me
The full awareness what CTB will do to people and the guilt of causing that
Lack of accessible methods
Fear of gravely wounding myself instead and downgrading my life farther in every sense.

Overall, i did this to myself. I am partly honest with people and that makes my methods low, im kind as i can be to people which makes them like/love me, and i call for other people's help so much the guilt and shame of not repaying them is crushing

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Because I won't give the one who ruined my life since I was a little girl the satisfaction of my death

 

[exsanguinated]

honestly it feels like i have a ton of reasons. But when I actually try and write any down i can't.

 

[twitchymouse]

my doggie, my cat and my bf!! love them both more than i hate life

 

[notofthisworld]

Hi,

Just curious what everyone's own reasons are to not killing yourself? Like what are your 'protective' factors if that's what they're called idk just curious what your own reasons are Xx

The reason I'm not going to go through with it yet is because of my daughter. She is still a minor, to be 18 in another 4 years. It is also because I feel like I need to be "there" for the more tender years of her youth. She knows I'm depressed, but the relief I have is also knowing she is not, and she has told me so. The girl is tough as nails, and I believe she'll be just fine when I leave. I unfortunately have fallen out of love with existence. It is partly my fault for not learning to embrace existence, but I also believe that society shares some of that fault too.

 

[cherry7]

Mostly the fear of dying and this incessant voice inside me that keeps propelling me to just try one more therapy and maybe it'll help.

 

[purpletotebag]

Hi,

Just curious what everyone's own reasons are to not killing yourself? Like what are your 'protective' factors if that's what they're called idk just curious what your own reasons are Xx

Lack of energy and fear. I feel like it's more building up the courage to kill yourself rather than the other way around. Even if you want to die it takes more effort to commit suicide than to just continue to exist. Theres nothing holding me back, I just haven't reached that tipping point yet.

 

[Unending]

1. Parents
2. Fear

It's all just been one deep depression with slight fluctuations here and there for quite a long time but I really am wishing lately that I could get better. I just don't know where to resume my recovery at considering my treatment history.

 

[TimeHasCome6]

Hi,

Just curious what everyone's own reasons are to not killing yourself? Like what are your 'protective' factors if that's what they're called idk just curious what your own reasons are Xx

Well, my twin sister has BPD and is still within the long process of recovery. I remind myself that when she treats me wrongly it is not completely her fault and by leaving this world I would only worsen things. I sign myself up for things. I'm in a musical right now and I make myself honor my commitments to the people within the activities I sign up for. This last one is probably unhealthy, but I find one person to obsess over. Weather as a really good friend, sibling or a partner. That keeps me a lot more grounded and gives me something to hope for. (Sorry if this got long…)

 

[ermurazor]

My mum
My dog
My friends
Oh and all the good food in this world

 

[ilovecats]

Fear of failing and becoming a vegetable and hope that I can live a decent life

 

[je.suis.prêt]

I am in a state where I am feeling better, but certain things do throw me off and send my mind back to ending my life.

 

[subhumantrash]

my best friend
we promised each other
i can't leave him alone

 

[jodes2]

My gf. I can't do it to her. I'm all she has, besides a few friends

 

[Amakishiyo]

Lack of prepared methods
A little bit of care for a few people in my life
And lastly a glimmer of hope that things might not just turn out for the better all of the sudden

 

[anguila_anguila]

Copycat suicides - I won't go into details, but it is quite likely if I were to CTB, then other people I know would also do it after me.
Family - it would devastate them, particularly my mum.

It used to also be the fear of a possible afterlife - especially thanks to films such as Beetlejuice (where people who killed themselves became eternal social workers for the dead).

 

[nozomu]

I'm trying to recover for my partner's sake. They asked me not to die. And told me they were scared. So I'm doing my best to live for them. I want to keep sharing happy moments with them, too.

 

[joeanonymous]

i often find that people choose to not end their lives because of how it will affect others. i don't personally agree with that, but maybe someone here needed to think about that.
my personal reasons for staying alive are as follows:
1. i would miss my dog
2. i would miss my closest friends
3. the fear of being forgotten
4. i haven't done everything
5. i have it made, i'd feel guilty taking my life
6. maybe there really is another solution
7. i'm finally starting to get comfortable with my therapist
8. i've been able to find hobbies and interests and not give up on them within a week
9. i need to read all the books that i bought
10. i think i'm scared to die
there's more, but they're mostly small personal things. setting goals for myself seems to help, especially since i struggle with seeing any future for myself where i'm not dead.
thanks for making this thread just venting here has made my day a lot better :)

 

[ChubbyBunny]

Hi,

Just curious what everyone's own reasons are to not killing yourself? Like what are your 'protective' factors if that's what they're called idk just curious what your own reasons are Xx

At first, it was just my wiener dog. I love him so much and I don't want him to cry about me. Now I have friends that feel real and I feel at peace because of them

 

[PaperGodzilla]

mainly anxiety towards death, to picture myself dead makes me feel relief sometimes but to picture myself dying makes me very anxious.
I also have some friends and my brother is only 18

 

[voidbread]

fear of what happens afterwards and traumatizing my parents and friends

 

[-----]

Parents, nothing else.

 

[Source Energy]

i often find that people choose to not end their lives because of how it will affect others. i don't personally agree with that, but maybe someone here needed to think about that.
my personal reasons for staying alive are as follows:
1. i would miss my dog
2. i would miss my closest friends
3. the fear of being forgotten
4. i haven't done everything
5. i have it made, i'd feel guilty taking my life
6. maybe there really is another solution
7. i'm finally starting to get comfortable with my therapist
8. i've been able to find hobbies and interests and not give up on them within a week
9. i need to read all the books that i bought
10. i think i'm scared to die
there's more, but they're mostly small personal things. setting goals for myself seems to help, especially since i struggle with seeing any future for myself where i'm not dead.
thanks for making this thread just venting here has made my day a lot better :)

omg the books, I feel you! that gets to me too. The one thing I found comfort it.

 

[imcurious]

1. SI, but that's obvious

2. Parents and family. I feel that my parents won't handle it well. My mom tends to grieve poorly and chaotically when a death occurs in the family. I would miss my little brother.

3. Age. I'm 20, so I guess I am hoping that my life will magically get better as I grow older. Maybe I will find a dream career, or a soulmate, or a new friend. Such potential undeniably keeps me going.

 

[Gloom]

I still have hope that I can be helpful and better people lives. as cliché as it is I want to help the homeless and just generally want everyone to live comfortably without worry. it is fucking evil to let people to live in such shit conditions when they easily could not. though to be in a position to make permanent change like that is hard. what's stopping from doing that is my social anxiety and that's mainly why I want to ctb, I feel paralyzed and I need to break out of it while everyone gives me shit for being 'weird'

also don't want family and past friends to lie about me saying shit like they "miss me"

 

[Tefnu]

I recovered. Got on the right meds, got the right help, and now I've got the cliche shit to live for. Friends, family, pets, whatever. I live for the complexity of life, too. There's so much to learn, not enough time to do it, but goddamn it'd be a shame if i didnt try

 

[semicide]

Smoking some dope. Cause I would definitely miss that shit.

 

[homebound]

For a while there was nothing holding me back. I had attempted a few times (mostly impulsive), and my SN was taken away from me by the hospital. I didn't know where to get more (the seller I bought it from no longer sold it). My brother's best friend had committed suicide a few months back and it destroyed him. And then I would think about how I traumatized my family with the way they'd find me and have to get me to the hospital. I guess that stopped me for a while. For now I am feeling much better, so I only really have the urge if I forget to take my medications.