As I wander the earth. It kind of hits me in a way that This will very easily be my last holiday season and new year. It's weird constantly being around smiling faces and laughter when your soul is lost in chaos. How would they though. That is what makes it feel real this time...I am not confiding in others, I am no longer searching for solutions...I feel my exit is impending.
whywait
Member
- Nov 11, 2018
- 25
I agree wholeheartedly. I haven't spoken a word of it to anyone this time. Finished what I hope to be my last shift today. Feels weird walking around and realizing you're having your "last" everything...
Xerxes
Invisible
- Nov 8, 2018
- 936
I look at all the pictures of my wife, the room, the apartment we live in, and just take it all in. I do that when I'm about on the brink of CTB.
It all feels surreal for me. I can't say it makes me happy or sad; it almost doesn't register.
Surreal is perfect word for it all.
Lara Francis
Enlightened
- Jun 30, 2018
- 1,627
Just a few minutes ago had a phone conversation with one of my two remaining friends. Boats, shop projects, general blithering about life's details; nothing special. He knows I'm in bad shape, and plan to ctb, and is a good enough friend he has even offered to be the one to find my body. (Yeah, he's a really good friend.) As I was saying goodbye, I realized it might well be the last time we ever spoke.
Again, surreal.
Again, surreal.
