Story "Your intentions don't matter, the reciever's interpretation of it is what matters"

[K14~♡]

The title is just a thought I had before, I wouldn't say this to anyone, nor do I feel that I believe it myself right now

What I'll be talking about here are experiences from the previous year

(ू ◜࿁◝ )/* ˚.•✩

Being a person with poor social skills all my life, I was misunderstood at times. I would just be acting normal, and being in a good mood talking to my friends. Shockingly they told me, that I seemed cold, nonchalant, and even made them feel that they were hated by me. For context, this is all within the online space. Two friends who've known me in real life would also say I seemed cold and nonchalant, but "only at first/at a glance." They described it as something like an outer appearance, and that who I am as a person is not like this

Sadly I was a hella dry texter and I didn't express myself enough so my online friends felt this way. Among them, there was someone whom I had...some romantic relations with? (I'm aware online dating is unreliable yea ToT). Anyway shit happened and that person cut me off. Before unfriending me, she left a wall of criticism in our dms. She pointed out my dry texting, how insensitive I was in some situations, how cold I was, how I seemed egotistical and that I acted like I was "better" than them. While reading, I thought, who the hell is the person she's talking about? I never had any of the intentions she described

But I thought, if that's how I seem to people, then I should make more effort and be more careful with my words and actions; so that they would understand it for what I truly meant/intended. Basically, I learned that I have to communicate well or else I'll be misunderstood lol. I'm someone who doesn't bother with changing myself much, but that event really impacted me that I felt the motivation to. I tried to be less dry, express myself better, and make my friends feel that I like them and that I enjoy being with them. It worked, their description of me changed to "cheerful," "hyperactive toddler (positively)," instead of "cold and nonchalant"

It felt like I was faking at first, but it eventually felt natural, and expressing myself did feel easier. During all that time, I felt that I've been wanting to make amends to the girl who cut me off. I wanted to try being friends with her again (no romantic intentions) and show that I've improved. So I reached out after a month (since she left), and she accepted being friends again

It went peaceful at first, and we eventually still ended up dating cuz I was a dumbass who could not hide my feelings and she said she still felt the same. Though some conflicts still happened as time went on, but it wasn't because of my poor social and communication skills like before.

At the end however, we experienced a rough break-up that lasted over a month (because she ghosted). During our final conversation, I was trying to explain that I meant everything I said with kind intent, but it sort of ended up as an argument. She kept taking my words maliciously, no matter how well I worded it. It felt like I was being treated as a bad person. I was aware that her view of the world and everyone was innacurately negative due to issues, and I understood why, but I still felt upset

That event taught me that even if I try to communicate well, people will still believe what they want to believe. They will see me as how they want to see me, they will take my words as how they want to interpret it. It felt like who I am, my actual thoughts and feelings, didn't matter to others. People got different individual mind worlds and we can never know the true self of another and the whole raw meaning of their words. It felt like there was no longer any point in making friends and getting to know them, but I still felt lonely

But well, the time has passed and I've recovered from that mess. Looking back, these thoughts were quite excessive...I don't agree with it anymore

Even so, to be known for who I am, and be understood as I am is something I still deeply (though not strongly) wish for

 

[witchcraft]

I can relate. I've been described as aloof before, but that's because I don't feel comfortable actually connecting. And the reason I don't feel comfortable connecting is because I just get hurt when I open up or try to "be myself."

Would much rather be alone now with maybe a dog. If I won the lottery, that's all I'd want. Plus some books and traveling; meeting and talking to strangers on vacation is usually okayish. Supplement any other lack of interaction by consuming media.

 

[K14~♡]

Would much rather be alone now with maybe a dog. If I won the lottery, that's all I'd want. Plus some books and traveling; meeting and talking to strangers on vacation is usually okayish. Supplement any other lack of interaction by consuming media.

This sounds like a pretty peaceful life to live <3
I hope you'll be satisfied and won't feel lonely even when you're not comfortable connecting with others. I probably won't have any deep connections too, but I think I'll be ok

 

[witchcraft]

This sounds like a pretty peaceful life to live <3
I hope you'll be satisfied and won't feel lonely even when you're not comfortable connecting with others. I probably won't have any deep connections too, but I think I'll be ok

Thanks. I'm not worried about it, what I described is an impossible dream. This is the Off-Topic area so I won't say more; would be more appropriate for other areas of the forums.

Take care.