Your Downfall

[average-joe4]

Anybody wanna vent about how they got to where they are right now? I've been try to rationalize my place in life and was just wondering where you guys think things went wrong

 

[Doll Steak]

It definitely began with me, then parents, life, school, mental illness all dug me deeper. I really don't blame anyone but myself despite what I may have gone through. Maybe the undiagnosed mental illness stuff is what really made me fall, even now I still don't know what's wrong with me, and that's by my own choice to not see a psychiatrist or therapist. It feels like I was always falling really, just at different speeds.

 

[wereqryan]

I have garbage genetics and failed at everything I tried in my life. That's how I ended up here.

 

[wham311]

I took steroids for a decade and fucked up a relationship heinously and 10 year long career ended all within the same month.

Got cancelled in my softball community after being put on blast by ex, Career ended and no real linear move so I moved back home. No more doctor no more steroids, face aged 20 years overnight, lost all muscle. No more money, student loans due soon. Clothes don't fit. Lost a car in the move back. I wore size l and it was tight before, I'm swimming in a small and my stomach is large. Used to be very attractive and charming. Softball star. Well liked by everyone I came across, could pick up any girl on street.

Pelvic floor busted. Slow stomach emptying. Complications. Complete and total isolation has potentially caused brain damage. All hobbies were atheltic and now gone because I am completely out of shape. Always ate out but can't afford and don't know how to cook. Eat same thing every day. Very fat. Skin awful, eyes very wrinkly. Red pigmentation. No one makes eye contact.

My story is pathetic and I have nothing good to talk about and am completely unsocialized. People do not want to talk to me and if I do, everything I say is a bummer. Friends do not want to talk to me. Deleted social media because I didn't want to keep seeing people unfriend me at breakneck speed due to cancellation. No contact with anyone.

Sit in a room all day and make 80 bucks a day. Blood pressure has dropped 30 points. More difficult to process information. Not really a chance to work at this point. Insomnia without trazadone, will sleep 30 seconds a night. Hyperinsomnia and microsleep with nightmares which jolt you awake.before you actually fall asleep.

Severe depression and anxiety to the point where skin hurts.

Self esteem entirely gone. Looked back at old fb messages and realized how awful I've been to people. Traumatized myself. Every single piece of information I consume leads to an absolutely traumatic thought. Relentless barrage of pain.

Don't know self anymore.

Realized I have failed at everything. Every relationship failed because of me. Every friendship. Every day shows how weak and insecure I am. Fired from every job due to incompetence or not getting along. With people. So many people hate me. All of this dawned on me at the same time and self esteem is irrecoverable, unless I manage to get out of brain fog and start an entirely new career with 25k in the bank and McDonald's won't even hire me.

SEvere muscular atrophy, difficult to sit. Body obliterated after 5 mile walk today. Shaved head bc haven't been showering and looked terrible. Haircut looks absolutely awful. Eyebrows fucked because I did them myself

Everything bad. Health wealth and relationships all ruined beyond belief..neet at 38. Even my dog doesn't like me anymore.

 

[wereqryan]

Pelvic floor busted. Slow stomach emptying. Complications.

How did this happen?

I took steroids for a decade and fucked up a relationship heinously and 10 year long career ended all within the same month.

Got cancelled in my softball community after being put on blast by ex, Career ended and no real linear move so I moved back home. No more doctor no more steroids, face aged 20 years overnight, lost all muscle. No more money, student loans due soon. Clothes don't fit. Lost a car in the move back. I wore size l and it was tight before, I'm swimming in a small and my stomach is large. Used to be very attractive and charming. Softball star. Well liked by everyone I came across, could pick up any girl on street.

Pelvic floor busted. Slow stomach emptying. Complications. Complete and total isolation has potentially caused brain damage. All hobbies were atheltic and now gone because I am completely out of shape. Always ate out but can't afford and don't know how to cook. Eat same thing every day. Very fat. Skin awful, eyes very wrinkly. Red pigmentation. No one makes eye contact.

My story is pathetic and I have nothing good to talk about and am completely unsocialized. People do not want to talk to me and if I do, everything I say is a bummer. Friends do not want to talk to me. Deleted social media because I didn't want to keep seeing people unfriend me at breakneck speed due to cancellation. No contact with anyone.

Sit in a room all day and make 80 bucks a day. Blood pressure has dropped 30 points. More difficult to process information. Not really a chance to work at this point. Insomnia without trazadone, will sleep 30 seconds a night. Hyperinsomnia and microsleep with nightmares which jolt you awake.before you actually fall asleep.

Severe depression and anxiety to the point where skin hurts.

Self esteem entirely gone. Looked back at old fb messages and realized how awful I've been to people. Traumatized myself. Every single piece of information I consume leads to an absolutely traumatic thought. Relentless barrage of pain.

Don't know self anymore.

Realized I have failed at everything. Every relationship failed because of me. Every friendship. Every day shows how weak and insecure I am. Fired from every job due to incompetence or not getting along. With people. So many people hate me. All of this dawned on me at the same time and self esteem is irrecoverable, unless I manage to get out of brain fog and start an entirely new career with 25k in the bank and McDonald's won't even hire me.

SEvere muscular atrophy, difficult to sit. Body obliterated after 5 mile walk today. Shaved head bc haven't been showering and looked terrible. Haircut looks absolutely awful. Eyebrows fucked because I did them myself

Everything bad. Health wealth and relationships all ruined beyond belief..neet at 38. Even my dog doesn't like me anymore.

Very brutal story overall. Society throws us away the moment we fail to meet their expectations. If you can't perform, you're discarded. Very tough and toxic society.

 

[wham311]

How did this happen?

Very brutal story overall. Society throws us away the moment we fail to meet their expectations. If you can't perform, you're discarded. Very tough and toxic society.

I gather a couple things, high testosterone effects estrogen and estrogen somehow is related to pelvic floor deterioration. But it also could have just effected every muscle, like intestines and other parts used for bodily functions. It is a fucking nightmare.

First thought was "well at least the heart is a muscle, at least that will fail" but it's an entirely different type of fucking muscle lol. But blood pressure is dropping precipitously so maybe

 

[FuneralCry]

Being forced into this existence at all is what went wrong for me, no matter what I'll always see existence as an abomination that just causes endless amounts of suffering until non-existence takes away all anyway, existence is the problem to me and I'd just always prefer to not exist than be burdened with this dreadful, torturous existence I always saw as such a terrible mistake with no limit as to how much one can suffer and I'd just never wish to exist. I find it so deeply undesirable to exist in every way and I suffer simply from existing, it's all so cruel and dreadful to me and as long as I exist I'll only wish to be gone, I find it horrific how a human can suffer for so long just to die in agony tortured by old age, the fact that this existence was imposed is always the most terrible tragedy to me.