Young, dumb and BROKE

[samishii]

I just went broke.
Like properly broke, down to my last 200, got no job, can't seem to be able to find one and apart from that, I am 600 euros in debt to my insurance company. Idk what it is going to be like.

But on the brighter side (lol) I realised that I am just a coward (no offense to anyone else, I just shit talk myself coz I deserve it) . I always have this death wish on my mind, 24x7 but, when I have a day or two that are worse than my usual ones, that is when I think about the fact that I NEED to die, and that I should've been dead.

Recently, I am losing my family, I try to talk to them, they just aren't available, I've tried calling my sister over and over for a month but even she is not wanting to talk to me, if she wants my help with something, that's the only time I will be contacted. The same goes for my parents.

Something that surprised me while thinking about my financial situation was that I'd rather starve to death than to just ask for money from my parents (they are the ones funding my education).
If I ask for it, I'll get the money, but along with the money comes a ton of scolding, hurtful shit that'll be stuck in my head till I actually die.

Over the past 1 year since I've come abroad, my parents have become the people whom I am scared of the most. So, it's more comfortable for me to just starve.

I've got a friend, a close one but he is toxic, he hurts me sometimes but I always forgive him because I like his company, and I know I won't live longer than a week without anyone else left in my life. Last night I was playing a game with him, and he was losing because of me sucking at yet another thing, so he was angry at me, and I was fucking struggling to keep smiling and not crying then and there.

Apparently you are supposed to feel safe with your parents, you should be able to talk to them when you need to. It's fucked up that it's a lie.

People will just talk to you when you can be of some use to them, one the work is done, they are all gone until next time.

Btw, in case someone managed to read this far, have you tried starving/ have any Idea about how it feels like?

 

[Pentobarbital_Plz]

The method of starving one's self to death is usually referred to as VSED (Voluntarily Stopping Eating & Drinking).

It can take several weeks, and is not comfortable.

Your body suffers the most from not getting fluids.

Starving one's self to death is a long, drawn-out process of organs fighting hard, eating themselves, and eventually shutting down.

It's really not fair and kinda horrifying how hard our bodies fight to stay alive regardless of what our minds want.

Unfortunately, you can starve yourself for a week and will likely just feel sick, dizzy, irritable, dried-out, weak, disoriented, etc. It's easy to slip into a delusional state as well.

I've tried to starve myself many times. It's very hard to not at least drink something.

 

[gwanath]

Hey, I'm sorry to hear this. I've been in a similar place to where you are, and it sucks. It's scary and confusing and overwhelming.

Drop the friend, they're an asshole. The job search is very discouraging but don't give up. Reach out on Reddit, hound LinkedIn offers, get in contact with anyone you can think of, even old friends or classmates. Be upfront, let them know you're having a bit of trouble and that you'd appreciate any help they can give.

If push comes to shove you might have to ask money from your parents (unless there's literally ANYBODY ELSE, no harm in asking for help, or setting a gofundme), because you deserve to have a chance.

For dealing with your parents there's a method called grey rocking. It's horrible to have to look down and take the blows, but sometimes it's our only way out. Be agreeable and then do whatever YOU need to do.

Best of luck.

 

[FuneralCry]

Starvation sounds like such a horrible way to die to me, I mean any kind of slow, prolonged dying process does and it sounds difficult to purposely starve ourselves to the point that we end up leaving this world. But yes, so many people in this world certainly can be so cruel and it must be awful having to deal with people like that. It's true that so many people are very self centred to the point that they only care about what directly affects themselves, and the reality is that humans are responsible for so much of the suffering that exists in this horrific world.

 

[samishii]

The method of starving one's self to death is usually referred to as VSED (Voluntarily Stopping Eating & Drinking).

It can take several weeks, and is not comfortable.

Appreciate the info, just to make it clear, I am not going to do it as an attempt, that is my only option, and I kinda of want to punish my fat ass for having such spending habits.

I've tried to starve myself many times. It's very hard to not at least drink something.

I'll still be drinking, as for food, if I have money left, I eat, otherwise drink and fill myself.

Hey, I'm sorry to hear this. I've been in a similar place to where you are, and it sucks. It's scary and confusing and overwhelming.

Drop the friend, they're an asshole. The job search is very discouraging but don't give up. Reach out on Reddit, hound LinkedIn offers, get in contact with anyone you can think of, even old friends or classmates. Be upfront, let them know you're having a bit of trouble and that you'd appreciate any help they can give.

The thing is that I don't speak much german, so there aren't a lot of jobs for me.

If push comes to shove you might have to ask money from your parents (unless there's literally ANYBODY ELSE, no harm in asking for help, or setting a gofundme), because you deserve to have a chance.

Just thinking about asking my parents and what they'd say gave me chills. I'd rather die in agony than to ask from them. As for anyone else, I will ask that friend, he is a nice person at heart. I am not expecting a yes from him though.
Fundraisers, straight up no. I don't have it in me to ask for the smallest of things from people I am not close to.

I don't deserve anything, I went broke a few months back as well but back then It wasn't this bad. I don't seem to have learnt anything from back then.

For dealing with your parents there's a method called grey rocking. It's horrible to have to look down and take the blows, but sometimes it's our only way out. Be agreeable and then do whatever YOU need to do.

Best of luck.

Thanks

Starvation sounds like such a horrible way to die to me, I mean any kind of slow, prolonged dying process does and it sounds difficult to purposely starve ourselves to the point that we end up leaving this world. But yes, so many people in this world certainly can be so cruel and it must be awful having to deal with people like that. It's true that so many people are very self centred to the point that they only care about what directly affects themselves, and the reality is that humans are responsible for so much of the suffering that exists in this horrific world.

Just to make it clear again, I am not using it as an attempt. Thanks