Venting you’d genuinely have to be so dense to do this to someone else.

[faraway_sayu]

sorry if this is not the right place for this discussion, i know antinatalism and other philosophical topics are sometimes discussed in the "off topic" section but the way i feel is so closely tied to my urge to ctb that i'm posting it here.

i don't always feel like killing myself. sometimes, for very short periods of time, i get distracted and stop thinking about it. sometimes i have the energy and the will to do things in an attempt to "better myself", but no matter what i do i always end up back in the same place; wanting this shit to be over. i am so tired. i am so tired of trying, so tired of working, so tired of pretending like life is not a prison. i truly do feel trapped with no escape, because we all know that trying to ctb doesn't always work.

i often look at my parents and wonder if they're completely fucking stupid. they weren't even all that young when they had me. collectively, they had almost 60 years of life experience between them and they still though "yep, let's bring someone else into this shit ". they experienced abuse, physical and mental illness, poverty, unemployment, employment, betrayal, religious trauma, family problems, the list goes on and on… and they still fucking brought me here. hilariously the didn't even want me im the first place. i genuinely cannot comprehend this… anyone who procreates (especially for those of us who are free and educated. like in this day and age? really?) is a complete DUNCE. you have to be either stupid or selfish. what other excuse is there?

i don't want to have to risk becoming disabled or disfigured, becoming a vegetable, or subjecting myself to more chronic pain and mental anguish just because i need to get out. i shouldn't have to do this to myself, none of us should. i'm already "lucky" to have scraped by in previous attempts with no permanent damage. if i was truly lucky i'd just die, or better yet never have been subjected to this fucking miserable existence I NEVER EVEN WANTED IN THE FIRST PLACE. god i just need it to be over. no matter what i do it's all the same.

 

[MarketValueadded]

sorry if this is not the right place for this discussion, i know antinatalism and other philosophical topics are sometimes discussed in the "off topic" section but the way i feel is so closely tied to my urge to ctb that i'm posting it here.

i don't always feel like killing myself. sometimes, for very short periods of time, i get distracted and stop thinking about it. sometimes i have the energy and the will to do things in an attempt to "better myself", but no matter what i do i always end up back in the same place; wanting this shit to be over. i am so tired. i am so tired of trying, so tired of working, so tired of pretending like life is not a prison. i truly do feel trapped with no escape, because we all know that trying to ctb doesn't always work.

i often look at my parents and wonder if they're completely fucking stupid. they weren't even all that young when they had me. collectively, they had almost 60 years of life experience between them and they still though "yep, let's bring someone else into this shit ". they experienced abuse, physical and mental illness, poverty, unemployment, employment, betrayal, religious trauma, family problems, the list goes on and on… and they still fucking brought me here. hilariously the didn't even want me im the first place. i genuinely cannot comprehend this… anyone who procreates (especially for those of us who are free and educated. like in this day and age? really?) is a complete DUNCE. you have to be either stupid or selfish. what other excuse is there?

i don't want to have to risk becoming disabled or disfigured, becoming a vegetable, or subjecting myself to more chronic pain and mental anguish just because i need to get out. i shouldn't have to do this to myself, none of us should. i'm already "lucky" to have scraped by in previous attempts with no permanent damage. if i was truly lucky i'd just die, or better yet never have been subjected to this fucking miserable existence I NEVER EVEN WANTED IN THE FIRST PLACE. god i just need it to be over. no matter what i do it's all the same.

We had the internet growing up, and that exposed us to a lot of different niche ideas and concepts that your parents just never even taught about. I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have the internet, I would've never known about antinatalism. Your parents mostly just got their ideas from the people around them, and having kids is the most popular one.